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Author
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Topic: Can I have sex please?
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The 80's Man
Discusser
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posted January 17, 2003 01:03 AM
I tried to go back to the **** strip mall tonight where that chick works- the one I made a solid connection with at the : "Lose Weight Forever" clinic. I was pumped and put on my cologne and badass gear I bought at the GAP, and drove out there, kinda fukkin nervous but I had my lines all planned out and was ready to go. See, I was there at the EXACT fukkin time a week ago when I talked to her. They had already locked the door but she was in there and saw me knocking at the door and smiled and jumped up and opened it. **** that was nice.
So tonight I timed it out and drove out there and **** it was closed!! Nobody was in there- lights were all out. WHAT DO I DO NOW??? I need to go when she's kind of alone so I can get my mack on.... **** . So I yelled "FFUUUUKKKK!!" I my car and grabbed my hair and did a u-turn as and some ***** coming out of Ben Franklin Crafts store looked at me with a ***** look. I furrowed my brow and glared at her like Mr. Burns at Homer at the end of the ski weekend episode. Dammit. I drove on, and determined to get SOME kind of closure tonight, I saw some young hottie tanned assfolds walking out of the tanning salon, which sprouted some wood from the General, and I rolled the windows down and flipped my shades up even though it was getting dark. "I Ran So Far Away" was on the radio with that killerass guitar **** at the beginning, and I cranked it up and nodded at the hot tanned ******* and drove slower that my grandfather on the fukking interstate and they looked at me like they wanted to cruise the streets with G-Money and hop on my pole at the rest stop. They were used to *******es their age driving around in that strip mall cranking up dumbass rap songs. GioPete gave them some originality. I got some closure there.
Still, I rode down the street kind of pissed yet resilient. Stopped at the G-Station and got some chips to eat and beer to calm my nerves and asked the old ******* with the hearing aid if I could buy the Britney Spears cardboard life-size cut out in the store. I told him my dad was a lawyer and that I'd pay whatever. Dude said it was taken for. Whatever. He's going to take it home after the promo ends and try to get an erection to it. **** him. I deserve that thing to prop up in my bachelor crib.
What should I fukkin DO about seeing this weight loss chick. She's my DESTINY, I tell ya. My fukkin destiny. I really like that girl 
Regards,
G-Man help? Ritz *******s with tuna feesh -------------------- **** me running
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Posts: 1027 | From: <img src= | Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged | Problem w/ Post?
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The 80's Man
Discusser
Member Rated:
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posted January 17, 2003 01:19 AM
quote:Originally posted by Super-8mm in the DigitalAge:
OH, you found out that your dick grows an inch for every thousand posts you make.Welcome to the thousand post club. |
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Shove this up your *** : Today I had to go caysh my whole check from Gooch at the bank because it fuckin bounced. So I go in there and Tommie wasn't working today. Right in front of me, deposting her food stamps and crack money was the biggest piece of loser trailer trash I've ever seen. Woman in her mid-thirties wearing cutoff jeans and she had a nasty, flat *** . She was wearing a WIFE BEATER shirt and had freckles all over her shoulders. She had a little nose ring (just the bead kind, not a full ring through her nose), and worst of all she had a mullet. Her hair was sandy blonde and it was all butchered up in the front and on the sides, but she had a **** mullet. She talked lyyke theesh and was saying **** to her little half-breed daughter like, "Don't touch 'at!" and "Momma pay the bills with thees dollers." I stood there in rage over the whole situation- thinking about the trash like this woman who is polluting the world....how she has no self-esteem and gets knocked up by some black guyyyy who is probably fukkin outtahere, judging by the age of her daughter. The daughter looked about 6, so if you do the Math, the father has been gone for like, well, I don't know.....try six years.
I stood there thinking of the dumbass women in the world who make stupid choices like this, and the poor kids who have to suffer the consequences.....I thought about how there are about a billion jerkoff losers in the world who breed, yet the throwbacks to days of yore such as I, Mr. Peters, get stifled by chicks because I refuse to punch them or be irresponsible by getting the pregnant and leaving. I'm a throwback to the days of fukkin yore, when there was HONOR and ORDER in this **** country. I'm talkin' family values. They are nothing today thanks to the Clinton legacy and so forth. So now the good people of the world such as myself must stand in a bank line on a Friday, watching a disgusting woman with a half-breed daughter cash her check as the bank teller treats her like a QUEEN because of PC reasons. And ONLY because of PC reasons. I stood there in disgust, contemplating the situation, crying in my heart for the human race, and then I saw the rainbow shoot out of this horrible storm. The girl turned around and smiled at me. I nodded with nobility as if to say, "You're going to make it, kid." The hope in her eyes made me truly believe that she was one day going to rise from the ashes of her fukked-up parents and campaign for a world of integrity and morals. As the lady and her kid walked out, I stared a hole through the ***** with an Andy Pettitte scowl and she saw it. I could tell that I put the fear of G-Money in her heart.
I'm wearing my Civil War suit tonight and I may sleep in the **** thing, all for karma for that poor little girl.
Regards,
GAP string cheese
grapes
(things I always steal in the G-store and eat)
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Posts: 1027 | From: <img src= | Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged | Problem w/ Post?
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shatzy
Site Administrator
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posted January 17, 2003 11:33 AM
BWAHAHAHAH!!!this is the funniest thread i've seen in this
forum in AGES!!!! i didn't click on the link in the admin. forum
because i thought it was more BS like in my
other forum... but THIS.... oh this is good!!!! BWAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
the 80s man KICKS!!!!
-------------------- it's all granola and beer.
If you say neopets ***** , I will personally annihilate you with every weapon in my possession.
Posts: 34187 | Registered: Mar 2001 | IP: Logged | Problem w/ Post?
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posted January 17, 2003 01:08 AM
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