Originally Posted by
JB57
Dear King,
Fantastic work! Once again, you prove that you are the absolute master of the tension-creating, cliffhanger build-up! At this point, I can hardly wait for the two women to start "going at it" yet, at the same time, the anticipation and the enjoyment of the next part would not be nearly as great if you had not done such a fantastic job of setting up the pieces before knocking them over.
You've done an excellent job of re-introducing us to Maggie, of showing us how her battle with Amber affected her, and making her even more human by bringing in elements of doubt, fear and even surrender, along with her shame. And now, the building confrontation with Amber has washed away Maggie's fear and made her even more determined to see the confrontation through. At the same time, you have nicely established how both women desperately need to get into each other's pants and how both of them are filled with intense mutual lust for each other, even as they hate each other passionately. This is the best possible combination and you have set it up in a way that feels real and that, most importantly, has brought the sexual tension to the boiling point without quite crossing over.
I can hardly wait for the next part to go up! I'm hopeful that, whatever Amber and Maggie get into, this is a conflict that lasts the whole semester. Given how intensely both women want each other's bodies and given how sexually unsatisfied both presently are, I am hopeful that their battle becomes an all-out war.
Again, this is a really exiting story, made more so by the fact that you've written most (all?) of it and that means we won't have to wait too long or have any doubts about getting an ending! That makes investing in this story much easier.
The last point: what you are illustrating here is the absolutely crucial role that story and character play in these kind of stories. That may be stating the obvious, but I fear it is a point that too many people miss. In a sexfight story, the actual sex can become quite conventional and boring. What differs, and what matters, is everything surrounding the sex; the nature and motivations of the combatants, the context of the story itself, and the other details that distinguish one story from another. In this case, you have established a scenario - two women locked in a sexual competition at a university, over real stakes for both of them - that works incredibly well. This should be a genre of its own. You have made both women seem "real" or, at least, given them human and sexual motivations that, in the context of the fantasy, make sense and have the readers rooting for one character or the other.
Once again, great work and a fantastic buildup! I hope that we don't have to wait long for part III!
Thanks for your great work.
JB57
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