With all due respect, that's what in-depth interviews are for
As for the phallic object, what is to be understood here, is the relation of age, sex drive and other factors. You probably know this better than me, that there are 2 types of misconduct, one is about power and isn't sexual (like the difference between a ******** and irrumatio) while the other is about unchecked hormonal impulses to the detriment of other person(s).
Fact of the matter is, the research into the subconscious and into developmental psychology scared both professionals and laypeople so much that the reactions ranged from Freud's flawed (to mean: unresearched) disposition of ***** envy to totalitarian attempts to literally wipe psychology out of existence in the 1950s.
Some of us men fear confronting performance (or issues with it) so much, that an objective take in extreme cases result in PTSD or even suicide. Suppose you had an average "precision tool", it'd come with the territory to overinflate. It's not different from comparing breast sizes, it's different for everyone, therefore it can be claimed as a personal victory, that "demands" constant care. So, you'd "tend to it" as much as possible, because it'd "validate" you as a man.
That's why most gender swaps are already built on the utter fantasy that women do this as well to the same amount, just hide it better. The problem comes from the commercialized mindset, that if advertising offers these things to us, then by default we're entitled to women liking and servicing us.
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