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[QUOTE=kamafight;1980504]Before I post this story, I would like to admit that I got the idea for this story from Rino's "On the Right Track". But the characters and the final encounter are vastly different. Hope you guys enjoy it. Do post feedback.
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Excellent ! Hot, Very well written ! I really liked it.
I only preferred some of pussy to pussy action to be present as well.
I bet that they are ready for a freindly sexfight !
I would like to be a fly on the wall next time these two sisters in law meet again !! LOL
[QUOTE=Giannis-CB;1980512]thank you so mch, giannis. your feedback means a lot.Quote:
Originally Posted by kamafight
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to all the others who read this, please post some feedback. if you read it, cant you post a good or harsh word? are you that lazy? this forum has become boring because of the collective arrogance or laziness of sexfight fans.
Okay, so now that you probably sobered up (as indicated by posts elsewhere), a few things, in general, and about this story, first on the latter.
I still stand by my notion that it's always a good idea to post an excerpt from the story until one such point a writer reaches the level of Julia Vargas, and wouldn't need to, but on occasion she still does, as recently as breaking down various genres under various pen names and let her readers what to expect under which banner. There are but two things a writer who decides to publish can do, one, calling it quits (preferably not in a Hemingway style) or two, constantly engaging actual and potential readers.
Oops, I still ventured into generally talking about in general. To make it short, if you're drunk or very angry, never go online. Learn from the example of the first wife who called the second wife a horse and her late ex a fool for marrying her and because in Dubai that's a jailable offense, she's awaiting trial.
My opinion: I'm an acolyte of writing in the style of psychological realism that aims to narrate the story through the character's inner thoughts and their reactions to things happening, thus often I'm slower than others as I try to find what differentiates this Velma from any other Velma, and if she's recognizant of that fact (as demonstrated by how no 2 women likes to wear the same style and color of dress to an event. Just think about it how much planning goes into appearing that individual). So when they finally get around to do each other they talk to each other like to juvenile boys who do it for the first time. Based on your setup I expected them thinking about it "will she go for it?" "should I talk first?" "should I sound cool, or relaxed?" "will my eyes betray me and tell her I was never more turned on by any other woman like her?" I write going in with the expectation that as not all my readers are hetero but a lot of them is attracted to domination of some kind, it leads me to conclude they either possess a strong ego or desire to have one.
Writing a fetish story (for someone who also writes mainstream) isn't just hard because instead the conflict being Act II as usual, it centers around the very conflict. Authors since ancient Greece have mostly written for sponsors, thus characters have often become conduits through which the reader can identify themselves with.
Which is to mean I agree with your basic point. Feedback is utterly important not just because it feels good and helps learn, but also because though video producers bemoan piracy, it's not like I could name 10 uniquely different products since CWC, so writers and illustrators offer the choices others don't.
That is also why, feedback or not we can't afford to be antagonistic as more often than not, a fetish creator is identified with their work, thus it means exposure to the very thing you wish to avoid.
this is really good advice. thanks a lot. do you think the story would have worked better if i told it from velma's point of view as well? one chapter for joyce and then onto velma?Quote:
My opinion: I'm an acolyte of writing in the style of psychological realism that aims to narrate the story through the character's inner thoughts and their reactions to things happening, thus often I'm slower than others as I try to find what differentiates this Velma from any other Velma, and if she's recognizant of that fact (as demonstrated by how no 2 women likes to wear the same style and color of dress to an event. Just think about it how much planning goes into appearing that individual). So when they finally get around to do each other they talk to each other like to juvenile boys who do it for the first time. Based on your setup I expected them thinking about it "will she go for it?" "should I talk first?" "should I sound cool, or relaxed?" "will my eyes betray me and tell her I was never more turned on by any other woman like her?" I write going in with the expectation that as not all my readers are hetero but a lot of them is attracted to domination of some kind, it leads me to conclude they either possess a strong ego or desire to have one.
I've said time and again that for me, sexuality is not a weapon, so I couldn't write a good sexfight story as it would turn just into sex. Having said that, if I had a vision how I would put Joyce and Velma to paper, my go to place would be protoplanet formations. Before you lose the thread of thought, what I mean is that early on, our green and blue Earth was but one of three candidates to end up in the habitable zone (with Mars being second a third that was largely gobbled up or ended up in the asteroid field) until she eventually won out, and the process of formation happened of course at high temperatures.Quote:
Originally Posted by kamafight
The breaking line between "based on" and "inspired by" is that the latter only takes the essence of a story and runs with it, cultivating its own flavor. Joyce and Velma's story would be a lengthy one, where in the beginning of their family relationship they're on rogue trajectories, only pulled by the central star (her brother/husband) and little by little both settle on a course. As laws of nature dictates, the outer planet can be still on the outer rim of the habitable zone but don't get as much shine as she'd like to. Enter a third rogue exoplanet who collides with the inner planet (Joyce or Velma) to form a natural satellite (our moon formed like that). She could be a childhood friend, the "moon" can be her kid.
As the parallel circling women start to pull the third into their own attraction (pun absolutely and totally intended), it puts them on an inevitable collision course. That would lead to them having sex. Everything depends on how relatable you wish to make the characters. Many of the women who do dare to admit they're attracted to catfights and sexfights are the "outliers" from the social norm, but where they don't differ from us guys is that for many of the girls one of the women competing is a surrogate for themselves where they wish to dominate the other physically or sexually. That of course does not mean that going public with it is an easy task and that internal struggle is worth exploring in my book.