SPYDER...TOUR DATES...GNR.... A LITTLE BIT OF NON-FICTION FOR THE BOARD...

**Biomechanoid** · January 13th, 2003, 01:09 PM

Yeah, I know this is a little late. Sorry. Anyway, this is long, and it's all from memory, because I couldn't find the review I wrote the night after the show. Anyway...

Introduction

It was Friday, November 22nd, and the missus and I decided to take the whole day off, maybe get some shopping in down in the big city, see some sights, sample some cuisine, and then see some history in the making. Well, we ended up not actually getting into Pittsburgh until almost one in the afternoon, but we managed to visit a new mall, some of my old stomping grounds, and hit up Quaker Steak for some wings. Then we had to get back dahntahn. Not only was this Friday the night of one of the most anticipated concerts to ever stop in the steel city, but it also happened to be lightup night. The first act was set to take the stage at 7:30. At 7:15 we were still sitting on the Ft. Duquesne Bridge. Luckily, things were already running behind at the Igloo, probably because of the traffic delays, and we got there in plenty of time to find our seats. We were in the second row back from the first walkway, and just far enough from the stage on the left side to be able to see just about everything. Lights came down shortly after eight.

CKy

These guys came out first, and although they started their set half an hour late, they played before a crowd that was still filtering in. Perhaps that's what initially miffed them, but they more likely were annoyed by people heckling them from the edge of the stage. Things didn't get much better for them, especially after the one guitarist taunted the crowd, seemingly inspired by the tour's headliner. "What's up Sh!tsburgh?", he asked. The lead singer tried to be a bit more civil, but was interrupted by the guitarist's rant about sucking the city's ass, saying that Philadelphia was better than the 'Burgh, and that he intended to kick everyone's ass. Despite their antagonizing dialogue, they played solidly. Some folks on the floor even tried to mosh, but the moment anyone got up for surfing the canaries were quick to shake fingers and threaten in a very authoritative manner. I found this very amusing, especially since the band was hardly entertaining at all. I figured this must be because they were pissed off, so I can't fairly say they sucked. They seemed very inexperienced at performing before such a large crowd, and their stage presence lacked anything out of the ordinary. They seemed far better equipped to have been playing at a club in the strip. Nonetheless, this was my first time hearing their music, and it was good enough to make me want to check out their albums. They were heavy, the guitars were loud, and although I couldn't make out a single word he said, the singer seemed to have a genuine talent for pushing wind out of his throat. I wouldn't mind seeing this band live again sometime, but perhaps when they're in they're own element. Still, they were worth what I payed for the tickets.

Mix Master Mike

After CKy played through for a little less than an hour, and the guitarist gave the crowd another "f*ck you" speech before thanking them for being so great, the houselights came back up and the crowd already began murmuring that GNR might not show. I took the opportunity to get a better view of those around me. We came to find out that the radio station that I acquired tickets from had purchased an entire row of seats to give away. This prompted some interesting discussions that oddly enough had enough time to get somewhat deep as the next act was preparing to take the stage. To be more specific, they cleaned up after CKy, rolled out a large light-up turntable, and some of those slinky things that have a fan at the base that blows air up through them to make them dance. These looked like Ultraman or something. On the turntable was a Yoda and a Jango fig, which I found interesting. Some roadies appeared occasionally, testing guitars and things like that, and after about another half hour of this, the lights came down again. I've never been much of a fan of scratching or this dj mixing scene, but I watched with an open mind for this guy was once with the Beastie Boys, so he must have some kind of talent. I was largely impressed with all the funny sounds he made, but after an hour of that, my respect for him quickly dwindled and I began to long for the far more interesting roadie performances. No sooner had I thought that, then someone appeared from behind the massive black curtain and quickly ducked behind MMM's table. He turned around, and it appeared that they were having something of a conversation while the record he'd been scratching was left spinning unchecked. This person then darted back off stage, and MMM went back to mixing, occasionally saying something into the mic about getting pumped for Guns N Roses. But alas, this mystery person returned. At length, several other people ended up behind the turntable, and the camera man - who had to be constantly dodging the dancing wind puppets - decided to give up trying to show Mike at his trade on the giant screens that flanked the stage to instead focus on the spinning record, with Yoda waving from just behind it. At some point, Mike announced that Axl would be out in 20 minutes and the listless crowd suddenly erupted in cheer. Mike had apparently only prepared an hour's worth of material, and so for the next 20 minutes he hid behind his turntable, while the spinning records were left to play entire songs. He'd reappear every once in a while to change out the vynil, and at length, scratched out a finale, thanked the crowd, and quickly vanished from the stage.

Intermission...X's 10

Over the course of the next 45 minutes, the roadies screwed around, taking their time moving things around on stage. Mix Master Mike had left the crowd in a lull. Apparently there's not much demand for turntabling in Pittsburgh. Perhaps the camera man had some sense of the danger that lurked in a crowd partly comprised of fans that lived the excess of the decade that created Guns N' Roses, or maybe he was just a perv. Either way, two of them came out and began camera sniping hot chicks in the audience. They would take turns catching attractive females either bent over, or adjusting their bras, or just sitting pretty. This would quickly become the most entertaining thing seen to that point in the evening. The predominantly male crowd would cheer for every woman, and some started posing. It wasn't long before the less reserved among them began exposing things, giant sized on screen no less. My wife hid her eyes, but in 45 minutes I saw more 'Burgh boobies than in the entire two years I lived and studied there. That in itself made the tickets worth their cost. [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

He really does exist!

Low and behold, at around 11:30, the house lights dropped once more, and the crowd erupted. The first licks of "Welcome to the Jungle" echoed through the arena, and sure enough, someone with a microphone said slowly,"Oh my God," and then proceeded to scream with all the vigor of a derailing locomotive. Flashpots burst and the stage lit up, and beneath the crossfire of four spotlights a tightly braded, loosely garbed Axl Rose could be seen. Say what you will about this man and his history, he made up for a ton of lost time with only the first song. Once my goosebumps smoothed out, I went back into observing as much as I possibly could, but the fanboy in me would not let my mouth stay shut as I sang along with every single word. I didn't sit down again the rest of the show. However, I did get past Axl.

This stage was immense. Just like back in the day, there was an enormous backdrop, several decks and platforms and runways for Axl. I counted at least four teleprompters, however, and he still managed to slip up on Patience, but other than that they were flawless. There were sectional screens at the back of the stage that flashed a multitude of images and clips of various videos. Those were accompanied by long black banners on which oriental writing was painted in gold. The high stage in front of that supported Brain, who mightily spanked hides all night, as if he'd been a gunner his whole life. Also up there were two...count 'em, two keyboardists. Dizzy Reed had a normal rig, but the other guy played on these odd things that looked like half of an accordian on the end of a spring stuck in the ground. I don't see the necessity of two keyboardists, and they were largely indistinct in most songs. They were only featured on a few, essentially the new bits of the long-awaited new album. Directly below them, at the end of seemingly lengthy staircases flanking this plateau, were the guitarists. There were four men playing stringed instruments. One of them spanked a mean bass, and as there's really only need of one bassist...ever...he did so without concern of having to compete with anyone else in the same outfit. The other three men seemed from time to time to fight over guitar solos. Sometimes, they would all play solo at once. Being a long time Guns fan, I try to be open minded enough to not find myself comparing the new Guns N' Roses to the old. However, it must go without saying, or perhaps noone else has really given it much thought, that the three guitarists that play in the band now cannot even collectively equal Slash. Having said that, my additional thougths are that this new lineup is very impressive. Their sound is tight, they know who's shoes they're filling, and they do so quite well. It didn't take me long at all to accept this "new" band.

Axl also had some choice comments about how different things are now from when he last toured a decade ago. In one of his rants, he described his distrust of the internet, yet explained how useful it can be. He also said something about showing up late that I didn't quite catch, but he did have the balls to loudly ask,"did you think we weren't coming?" He's sadistically diabolical, and you can't help but admire that.

They went on to play all but maybe three songs from Appetite For Destruction. They also had time for three songs from the Use Your Illusion albums, two of which were the crowd-pleasing covers "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" and "Live And Let Die". I was disappointed with "Knockin'", as Axl didn't even take the time to let the crowd chime in as was once customary at every show. Also in the set, believe it or not, were three new diddies from the allegedly forthcoming Chinese Democracy album. I think this must have been just enough prerequisite to legally call it the "Chinese Democracy" tour instead of "Hey, Remember Me?" The latter would have been far more fitting, as it seemed the set list was designed not so much to promote a new band's new album as it was to ride on the success of an old band's massive debut, which fifteen years later still sells 5,000 copies a week. And yes, both bands are that awesome.

Buckethead

I thought I would also mention with some exclusion from the rest of my review that this strange creature who wears a stark mask and an empty chicken bucket as a hat can do some amazing things with six strings and a piece of wood. Slash he's not, and Slash isn't Buckethead. Let's be clear that these two are both virtuoso musicians, but in very different respects. Buckethead wailed through every riff like a magician conjuring the unimaginable. At times, I couldn't believe my ears. His stage presence is very subtle. Often he would disappear in the flash of Axl's brilliant sneakers blazing by, but his licks were almost always distinct above the other two axemen. I was actually saddened that he wasn't even on stage when they wheeled out the baby grand for "November Rain", Axl taunting the crowd with piano antics and seductive glances, until the end of the song when all the instruments fall out except for the ringing feedback of one guitar. The lights went down, and then the opening bars of the masterpieces finale brought illumination back to the stage and the tall man was seen plucking the strings as if an seraph pulling a harp. He swelled every note to perfection, and the crowd couldn't have been more pleased. We made more noise at the end of that song than I'm sure that arena has ever known. Later, Axl introduced his new friends, saving "Mister Monsieur Buckethead" for last. He then was left alone for a mezmarizing solo performance that featured Star Wars meddlies and funk oddities, among other things. He closed it with a plucky rendition of "Old MacDonald". That was fed into a loop so he could place his six on the stage and hand out goodies to folks on the floor. What a class act.

Axl's new band played into the morning, with Paradise City as an encor. They gave Pittsburgh a full set. I now realize how rare that's going to be, and I feel that I really got the bang for my buck. [img]biggrin.gif[/img] An empty spot in my life was fulfilled, and an @$$hole I once idolized regained much respect for his talent. I am really looking forward to the release of Chinese Democracy, but it's a shame to imagine that it may never see the light of day. I left Mellon Arena with a soar throat, a sweat-soaked t-shirt, and a grin of satisfaction. It was everything I hoped for, and more.

Why Axl Rose owes me a tail light.

Feeling buzzed, I put my wife in the car, brushed the snow off, and set course for home. We came to realize that it was nearly 1:30 and that the weather was going to prove difficult to drive in, but we took off anyway. There was really no need to spend the night in town, and she had work the next day. Most of the highways were wet at best, but the home stretch was far worse. I wasn't in any kind of hurry, so we made our way North at a snail's pace. Somewhere along the way, some drifting had occured over both lanes. I slowed down even more, but the front wheel drive got loose and we spun around and struck the guardrail. I fought the skid as long as I could, but just when I thought I got it back the front wheels stopped sliding and the back end of the car threw all its momentum to the left. For all that, we couldn't have hit the fence at more than ten miles per hour. That was just enough to bust the plastic cover off of the tail light and bend the fender a bit. We weren't hurt, the car was fine, and we were able to get back on the road, so I grabbed the biggest chunk of plastic and we got back on our way. As if that little incident wasn't enough fun, an 8-point buck was inches away from being a hood ornament ten minutes later. But we got home in one piece, and for now, the lamp is duct taped together. We figure if Guns N' Roses had just gone on stage when they were supposed to, we would have had far better driving conditions on the way home and quite possibly would not have wrecked. I'm preparing to sue the band, the venue, the Department of Transportation, and the deer for $250,000,000, plus pain and suffering. Thank goodness the tickets were free. [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

**JaceSan** · January 13th, 2003, 07:53 PM

Thanks for putting the review up. I ended up hooking up with an old friend for New Years, so I guess I should thank Axl for flaking on the SJ show. I'd still like to hear the newer stuff.