a story

[ellanoize]

A friend sent me this little story and I found it amusing and thought I would share it.
RogEr

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a
busy boulevard. Suddenly the light turned yellow. Just in front him
was a crosswalk, so he did the right thing--he stopped at the
crosswalk even though he could have beaten the red light by
accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof and the horn. She
screamed because she had missed her chance to get through the
intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her
window. She looked up into the face of a very serious police
officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands
up. He took her to the police station where she was searched,
fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of
hours, however, a policeman approached the cell door and opened it.

He escorted her back to the booking desk where the arresting officer
was waiting with her personal effects. As he handed her possessions to
her, he said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake.

You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy
in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noted your
"Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" bumper
sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker and the
chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.
Naturally, I assumed you were driving a stolen car."

[SCHEMESofNEON]

LOL....thanks Ella you made my day [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

[gus danger]

Her Karma ran over her own Dogma, or sumpin!

Great story Rog!
[img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img] [img]biggrin.gif[/img]
Gus

[ellanoize]

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office Christmas party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-- Love you
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night."
Jack son answers "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door!"
Jack says, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a red rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed," 'Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!' "

Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$0.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless

[ellanoize]

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but
it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who always helped him was in
prison for armed robbery.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament:
"Dear Bubba, I'm feeling pretty low because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my potato garden this year. I've gotten too old to be digging
up a garden plot.. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you
would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad"
A few days later the old man received a letter from his son:
"Dear Dad, For HEAVEN'S SAKE DAD, don't dig up the GARDEN!! That's
where I buried the GUNS and the MONEY!! Love, Bubba."
At 4:00 am the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers
showed up and dug up the entire area. After finding nothing they apologized
to the old man and left.
That same afternoon the old man received another letter from his son:
"Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could
do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba"

[demhold]

a german tourist coule went to paris. they took a yellow cap for a sightseeing tour. after a while the cap driver asked them from where thy come from. the man who spoke perfectly french answered: we're comming from germany. unfortunately his wife did not understand any word so she asked him to translate and so he did.
after a while the cap driver ask again: from WHERE in germany? the man again answered in perfect french: we are from berlin. his wife again asked him to translate what zhe cap driver asked and what he answered. and he did...

after another few minutes the cap driver sayd: well i have had the worst sex ever in berlin.

the woman again asked her husband to translate and he answered: "well he sayd he knows you!"

[img]smile.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

A man is driving along a highway
and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay,
the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman
driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the
side of the road
and pulls over.
She steps out of the car
and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible,"
he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."
The blonde says,
"Don't worry."
She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,
bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.

It says...

"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
adds permanent wave."
[img]biggrin.gif[/img]