Heard any good ones lately?

[gus danger]

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications
from repeated pokes in the belly.
He was 71..
Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children:
John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take
time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else that may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.

:lol:

[Secret Six]

The "ladies" from the Great White North decided to plop down at center ice after their gold-medal victory over the United States and quaff some beers as if they were in a Calgary trailer park -- not an Olympic venue.





After the American women, who lost, 2-0, Thursday, had left the arena to cry in their beer, the maple leaf-wearing hockey gals returned to Vancouver's Olympic hockey rink brews in hand.

With gold medals hanging from their necks, Haley Irwin was spotted pouring beer into the mouth of teammate Tessa Bonhomme. Goalie Charline Labonte sprawled out at center ice and plopped a bottle of brew right on top of the Olympic rings.

Some were lounging around with cigars. One gal tried to start the Zamboni.

Such "Strange Brew" antics left uptight Olympic officials steaming. :doh:

"[This is ] not what we want to see," said International Olympic Committee Executive Director Gilbert Felli. "If they celebrate in the changing room, that's one thing, but not in public."

The heat eventually drew an apology from Canadian hockey officials.

"The members of Team Canada apologize if their on-ice celebrations, after fans had left the building, have offended anyone," the sporting body said in a statement. "In the excitement of the moment, the celebration left the confines of our dressing room and shouldn't have.

"The team regrets that its gold-medal celebration may have caused the IOC or COC [Canadian Olympic Committee] any embarrassment."

Among normally laid-back Canadians, however, the levity raised few eyebrows.

"Let them celebrate, they WON GOLD FOR CANADA for goodness sakes," a reader posted on the Vancouver Sun's Web site.:snickerpup:



Read more: NEWS LINK

[janet schneider]

Call me Bubba
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomania Convention in Chicago".

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really, " he said, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent.

We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba..
:snickerpup:

[tghtrkk]

LOl its really good

[gus danger]

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE SUBMITTED BY ALICE.



MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL ..

'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.



THEN, THAT UGLY,



OLD,



BALD,



WRINKLED FACED,



FAT-ASSED,



GRAY-HAIRED,



DECREPIT



SON-OF-A-BITCH



ASKED,




'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???

:laffingassoff:

[gus danger]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their
stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies
saved.

But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was
left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?' ''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a
story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her
plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she
had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and
then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she
killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell
you was the moral to this horrible story?

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."

:lol: