Heard any good ones lately?

[E.]

EXCUSE MY IGNORANCE ,i thought this was a enter at your own risk site ,with adults just having fun ,my apoligies to the babes,i think it is fantastic CHERIE would have young fans ,i'll keep it clean mijo, i noticed all the jokes where very g-rated so i thought i'd turn up the adrenaline ,thanks E.P. [img]graemlins/coffee.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[gus danger]

I think most of the jokes we've posted here are quite funny.
[img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img]
Gus

[E.]

does CHERIE ever come here ,or say anything to her fans via her own topic ,or post? do you get a chance to ask her questions ,and get a reply?

[gus danger]

Yes! And now here is a really funny joke, imo!

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!? says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," Says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
[img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img]
Gus

[Ol Sparky]

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to
set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I
will judge who does the better job.'

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards

They created charts and graphs

They did some genealogy reports

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency, and Satan was faster than **** .


Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power
went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in
the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.

'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all
his work and I don't have any?'

God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES!
[img]graemlins/angel.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]
Ol Sparky

[gus danger]

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? ?Only one kiss per yard,? replied the male clerk with a smirk. ?That?s fine,? said the girl. I?ll take ten yards.? With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old woman standing beside her, and smiled, ?Grandma will pay the bill.?

[gus danger]

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Tea hee!
[img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img] [img]biggrin.gif[/img]
Gus

[gus danger]

Three men were shipwrecked on a desert island and where captured by the local natives. They were brought to the chief native. The chief gave the men two choices; they could have death or submit to unga bunga. The first man decides he does not want to die, so he chooses unga bunga. Ten of the natives took him into the woods, when he came back one hour later he was all beaten up. The second man chooses unga bunga and he was taken out the woods for 2 hours where the natives beat him up. The third man not wanting to go through all that torture decided upon death. So the chief said ok death by Unga Bunga!!!

GD

[gus danger]

When you have an I Hate My Job Day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a
rec`tal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

<font size="1">"Every Rec`tal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."</font>

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER,
THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE
WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF
A PAIN IN THE BUTT
THAN YOURS!
[img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img]
GD

[CthruMan]

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
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