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Thread: Heard any good ones lately?

  1. #21
    moderator gus danger's Avatar
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    Arrow

    516

    04 04 01

    516
    GD

  2. #22
    Inactive Member Ol Sparky's Avatar
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    How do you know when you are old?


    "OLD" IS WHEN ... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"

    "OLD " IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

    "OLD" IS WHEN .. A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

    "OLD" IS WHEN ... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

    "OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

    "OLD" IS WHEN .. You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

    "OLD" IS WHEN ."Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.

    "OLD" IS WHEN .. "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

    "OLD" IS WHEN ... An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.

    AND

    "OLD" IS WHEN .. You are not sure these are jokes.

    [img]graemlins/idea.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thinking.gif[/img]

  3. #23
    Inactive Member NewYorkJettster's Avatar
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    LOL... Very funny [img]wink.gif[/img]

  4. #24
    Inactive Member SouthwestRanger's Avatar
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    Wink

    Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

    Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

    Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

    Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."

    So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

    Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy.

    "It's official; I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."

    Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

    Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says,

    "Who the **** is Rosie O'Donnell? [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

  5. #25
    Inactive Member crimsoncurrent's Avatar
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    yup

    I'm on..i;ll come back with a merry quip once i get myself sorted.

  6. #26
    Inactive Member crimsoncurrent's Avatar
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    Post

    Originally posted by gus danger:
    516

    04 04 01

    516
    GD
    <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">hey Gus your a pro..I;m gonna steal that for myself but dont worry you'll be rewarded english munifiscence.

  7. #27
    Inactive Member crimsoncurrent's Avatar
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    Originally posted by greg young:
    yup

    I'm on..i;ll come back with a merry quip once i get myself sorted.
    <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">d30a99ce11d864e205ae3a231a25ed3e0 large

  8. #28
    moderator gus danger's Avatar
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    EWW! Desiccant humor! LMAO!
    That IS way funny Gregg!
    newemoticon lmao
    Gus

  9. #29
    Inactive Member ellanoize's Avatar
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    Post

    A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.

    Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low.

    The reason for that is purely geographical. Our OIL is located in
    Alaska
    California
    Coastal Florida
    Coastal Louisiana
    Kansas
    Oklahoma
    Pennsylvania
    and
    Texas

    Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington, DC!!!

    Any Questions???..... Didn't think So.

  10. #30
    moderator gus danger's Avatar
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    Arrow

    No questions Rog! I think you have pointed your enlightened finger at the true nature of our oil problem!

    Here is a good one I heard, just moments ago!


    Gas Trouble

    A old lady goes to the doctor and says,"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.
    They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and are silent". The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back, "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my f`a`r`t`s,
    although still silent, stink terribly."
    "Good", the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing".
    newemoticon lmao
    Gus

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