Heard any good ones lately?

[tim52160]

Wow , i just read thru some of these old jokes . And you delete my post??

[gus danger]

Not sure what you mean Tim!
[img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]
GD

[Tanners]

[Tanners]

Tony blair denies smoking joints.

[Ol Sparky]

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."


She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine.


She's such a ***** ..... [img]frown.gif[/img]

[mr rogie]

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.
This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If
you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone
else via any means, DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your
private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and
take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the
antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or
Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote
repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5
friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your
life.

[gus danger]

Thanks for the advice Mr. Rogie!
[img]graemlins/beer.gif[/img]
Gus

[Ol Sparky]

Some times you just have to ask yourself " Will I live to be
80?"

I recently chose a new primary care physician.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing
"fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking
him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"

"No," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is
unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf,
boating, fishing or relaxing on the beach?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of
sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

Then he looked at me and asked,

"Then why do you even give a **** ?"

[img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img]

[KamakazeeLover]

How are Jessica Simpson and a Slinky alike?
They are both boring and stupid, yet they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

[home girl]

A lady approaches her priest and says father i have a problem. i have two female talking parrots but they only know how to say one thing.what do they say? the priest inquires. they only know how to say hi were prostitutes want to have some fun?that's terrible the priest exclaims but i have a solution to your problem. bring your two female parrots over to my house and i will put them with my two male talking parrots whom i taught to pray and read the bible.my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.thank you! the woman responds.the next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. his two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.the lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots.and the female parrots say hi we're prostitutes want to have some fun? one male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims put the beads away our prayers have been answered.