Jokes

[PVVikeFan]

Husband: Before I die, darling, I have something to confess to you.
Wife: I know all about it, Darling. That's why I poisoned you.

Old man: How was your date with Edgar last night?
Old woman: Well, I had to slap his face.
Old man: He tried to go too far?
Old woman: No. I thought he was dead.

Dying man to wife: You know, Honey, you've always been there with me through all my troubles. Through all my bad times you were there. When I got fired, you were there. When my business went down the toilet, you were there. When I had the heart attack, you were there. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got liver cancer, you were there. You know what?
Wife: What?
Husband: I think you're bad luck.

[PVVikeFan]

Wife to the clerk in a gun shop: I wand to buy a shotgun for my husband.
Clerk: Does he know what guage he wants?
Wife: No. He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.

[PVVikeFan]

Gladys, it's like a miricle.Every night when I get up to go to the bathroon God turns on the light for me and when I'm finished He turns if off again.
Harry, you're doing it in the refrigerator again!!!

[PVVikeFan]

A young woman comes home from a date looking sad. When her mother asked what was wrong the woman replied "Jeff proposed to me tonight"
"Then why are you sad?" her mother asked.
"Because Jeff told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't believe there is a Hell."
Her mother replied "marry him anyway. Between the two of us we'll show him how wrong he is."

Son: "Dad, I got a part in the school play. I play the husband."
Dad: "Too bad they didn't give you a speaking role."

Wife: "Let's go out and have some fun tonight."
Husband: "Ok, but if you get home before I do leave the hall light on."