What do you think of my script?

[emjen]

I expected something like that to happen. For a 5 minute movie it might be ok. Well actually... for a 5 minute movie the movie needs to have the viewer act like a certain way. And this is a little cliche.

Also, make the conversations less 'book-like'.

[GREATwarEAGLE]

I feel like you asking us what we think is a trick question. The most confusing elements of the script are:

"...your total is $xx.xx..."

and

"...(cashiers name here)..."

I can't help but think there's something fishy going on here.

Anyway, my reaction is that this is meant to be a simple story. The dialogue, the action described, the story - it's all simple. Pretty economic. Therefore, I don't think the characters need more dimension nor does the dialogue need more work. It is simple through and through which could make for a somewhat interesting short.