What your name says about you....

[Sim]

Got this in email. Some are weirdly accurate but it's mainly bollocks. Still, I didn't do too bad mind...
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Ashley - wanker who's losing his hair.
Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Adam - cute, funny, chicks dig him, has the potential to be stalked
Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex - cute and short but a liar and a cheat.
Andrew -gay and has a small pecker.
Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain.
Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.
Arnold - loser.
Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.
Barry - lights fires, pinches girl's bottoms and is well hung.
Ben - stud, hung like a shetland pony.
Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.
Brad - thinks everyone likes him...but they don't.
Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brian - a wanna be charmer, he's not the mes$iah he's just a very,very naughty boy.
Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.
Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.
Cameron - illiterate idiot, depriving a village somewhere.
Carl - thinks he's funny...he's not, falls asleep during sex.
Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies,no real person has that name.
Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.
Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christian - very sexy and seductive.
Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with'jailbait'.
Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.
Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings.
Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.
Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.
Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.
Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.
Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.
Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.
Darren - charming, but sleeps with men.
Daryl - smells bad, has no real mates
David - hottie and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence.
Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter - i.e.a wanker.
Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek - has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection.
Dominic -hilarious and will do anything to please.
Don - dickhead.
Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.
Drew - bad-arse loser who never shuts up.
Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago.
Dylan - horny ba$tard, who can't sing.
Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get 'cos he's an arsehole.
Elliott - full of himself.
Eric - shy.
Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and model mental patient.
Frank - "different" - missing DNA - favours girls named Lucy.
Fraser - sucks pig's dicks & swallows the lot.
Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight.
Gary - drug addict but willing to share.
Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.
Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
George - barman who drinks more than he serves.
Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth.
Graeme - very hard to understand, likes group sex.
Graham - will screw anything.
Grant - HORNY! But so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg - really sweet and feels sorry for himself.
Harry - covers his back.
Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.
Haydn - tries hard
Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography.
Ian - really popular but knows all the girls want him...yeah right!!!
Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies.
Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie - scum of the earth.
James - built like a horse.
Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well.
Jeff - really ugly.
Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.
Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.
Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.
Jack - stupid but hot, always alright.
Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection.
Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head.
Joel - arse.
John - has no friends or life - tends to kill small animals.
Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual.
Jonathon - loud, sex mad and great with it - can be full of himself.
Jordan - sexy but weird in bed.
Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.
Josh - full of himself, fun.
Junior - hottie and totally good at football.
Justin - aggravating but lovable, insecure but successful.
Kain - the sexiest guy alive but very stuck up.
Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a large penis, really nice to women.
Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.
Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be.
Kurt - can kick anyone's arse.
Kyle - hornball who eats too many corn chips.
Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse.
Laurey - short and funny looking.
Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.
Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.
Lyndon - can always be found in bed or in the pub.
Liam - loud mouthed arsehole.
Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.
Lucas - fat loser that dates other men.
Luke - seems to be sweet.
Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers.
Mark - wished girls liked him for who he is not his great looks, mouthy ba$tard though.
Matt - the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and is full of shit.
Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl.
Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.
Mike - stupid alcoholic who has gay tendencies
Mohammed -small penis
Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.
Nick - nice -can't get past the missionary position though.
Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed.
Oliver - likes men but is in denial.
Oscar - loser.
Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk.
Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality usually only found in gays.
Peter - cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins.
Phillip - stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.
Rhys - great lover but had his mind stolen by aliens a long, long time ago.
Richard - can't see his feet as balls are too big
Ricky - ugly shithead who everybody hates.
Rikki - see above.
Rob - constantly watches porn.
Roy - total loser and computer genius.
Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.
Russell - likes to play in the leaves, which makes him an arsehole.
Ryan - short but sexy body and even sexier mind.
Sam - wannabe sex machine.
Scott - has serious disabilities.
Sean - has small testicles and no friends.
Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.
Shane -thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin.
Shannon - the most determined and persevering sweetie in the world.
Shaun - bit of a hard ba$tard, thinks women love him.
Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Some say he is the man but talks bollocks.
Spencer - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster
Steve - popular and funny & hung like a donkey.
Stuart - droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.
Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is
Toby - best blow ever.
Tom - cool but can be arrogant.
Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around.
Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.
Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Troy - cute and popular.
Taylor - gay.
Warren - cool, homosexual guy.
Wesley - great guy and easy to tolerate.
Will - wishes he were popular.
Zach - sweet and polite and adorable.
Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted.
WOMEN'S NAMES

Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.
Aileen - laughs like a demented dog, likes tic tacs.
Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off
Amanda - I.Q. tends to be smaller than bra size. Probably a good shag though.
Amy - Devious, likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted.
Andrea - Small breasts, drinks pints.
Angela - Vain, hairstyle more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets
Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.
Annette - She's BIG.
Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.
Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance.
Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - Repressed alcoholic Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca - Ginger.
Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.
Camilla -replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.
Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow
Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears.
Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Claire - Perfect in every way and a complete sex goddess, shouldn't be left alone for too long.
Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.
Daisy - Virgin.
Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.
Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.
DeeDee - cannot understand why no one else masturbates in Ikea.
Denise - Sits on cat's eyes, wears too much make up.
Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society.
Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.
Doris - Purple haired, stinks of wee.
Elaine - Rides sidesaddle, drinks metho.
Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens.
Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.
Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.
Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.
Felicity - She'll stab you with her nipples, plays darts
Fiona - Female mud wrestler, gives head.
Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day
Gaynor - Lesbian.
Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies
Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.
Georgina - Wants to be a man.
Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath
Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs
Heather - Shags like a freight train, a screamer.
Helen - Loves sleeping and alcohol and is work shy.
Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins.
Hilary - Frigid.
Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.
Jade - fat dumb blonde, plays strip games when pissed.
Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.
Jane - Babe, I'd drink her bath water.
Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.
Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jessica - Virgin, always will be.
Joanne - Big eyes, big tits
Judith - Moans in her sleep, cant cook, moans when she wakes up!
Judy - Huge tits, married to an arse.
Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes
Justine- Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.
Julie - Jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant.
Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Kate - talks complete bollocks all the time, scavenger.
Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.
Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, and wears a wig.
Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.
Kylie - Can't sing but who cares.
Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.
Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive.
Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.
Linda - Teenage bride, can swallow oranges whole.
Lindsay - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.
Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.
Liz - Long legged and brainey.
Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies
Louise/a - Likes to get around, saggy tits.
Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.
Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.
Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.
Maria - Bangs like a barn door.
Marie - Life's slapper. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marilyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martina - Ugly lesbian Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits.
Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S
Melanie - Can hold two bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melissa - Eats dogs, been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.
Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag
Marsha - Big butt, small brain.
Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.
Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - White hair, remembers manners.
Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial
Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Olga - You can park a bike in her arsecrack, excessive facial hair.
Olivia - Neutron bombho ta
Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Pat - Butt ugly lesbian.
Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon.
Penelope - Pit stop queen, likes men to be stiff.
Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks.
Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rosie - Can be prickly, good head giver.
Rula - She measures up well.
Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.
Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - Loves her brother, has four deformed children.
Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged
Sarah - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn.
Sarina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Sharon - Shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers.
Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.
Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Simone - Used to be a shot putter from Cardiff.
Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a carrier"
Sophie - Brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset.
Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.
Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue - totally gorgeous!!
Tanya - Hot minx, too short.
Tara - Upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals.
Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski.
Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear.Loves kittens.
Tracey - Lesbian.
Ursula - Likes puppies, in curry.
Vicky- Likes Yoga and Women.
Wendy - Possibly a man.
Zoe - Talentless rock chick
.

[elephant.stone]

Adam - cute, funny, chicks dig him, has the potential to be stalked

that email is so true

i think i win

[the new kid]

Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get 'cos he's an arsehole.

touche

[Sheriff John Bunell]

John - has no friends or life - tends to kill small animals. Apt.

[fozz]

Stuart - droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.

sweet

[I'm Not Satisfied]

Kate - talks bollocks, which is aboslutely true, the only problem is i hate being called Kate. why couldn't they just have Katie on the list, it's a common name.

[First and Ten]

Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.

Ha ha ha. Its all lies.

[Dave H]

Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter - i.e.a wanker.

Er... *lol* I guess some of it...

[belly boy]

yeah dave..you ARE a wanker, lol!

but at least you got a description, Martin isnt even in there. gutted

[ives]

Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks

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