So, I'm emotionally devastated and depressed. If you so choose to read the backstory, it's coming; otherwise, you can jump to the bottom to see what I'm asking.
So I was living with my gf, who had 2 kids (not mine), and things were getting extremely stressful because of our jobs and my not being used to having kids. We were fighting every week, many times several days of the week, and she would threaten to leave.
I finally proposed to her, because I didn't want her to leave, even though I finally stopped telling her to stay. Eventually, she takes some stuff and goes to her parents' house. The next day, she calls and says she's sorry, but I told her she needs to get her things and move out, thinking she might leave me when we're married.
Well, it took her a month to get her stuff out because she kept trying to get back with me, but I, like an idiot, stood my ground, because hell no I can't be wrong.
August rolls around, and I asked her if she would try to work things out with me. She said yes, but she had slept with another guy since we'd been apart. I was even the one that told her she could/should date him. Well, that hit me deep, and I didn't realize how much I still cared for her. I started to realize that most of our fights were petty, and she + the kids were what really mattered, not the other crap in life.
It was really rocky, and things were a little "weird" between us, because we were both afraid of losing the other. Well, I started getting the feeling she didn't want to be with me anymore, and I didn't call her for a few days.
I've just found out that over last weekend, what would have been our anniversary, she slept with another guy (knew him from work) -- she thought it was over between us. Now she says she's confused, doesn't know if she wants to be with me, but says she still loves me. As I said to begin with, I'm now devastated. I can get over the fact that she's been with these other guys, but I think she's wanting a break. I'm afraid that if we take a break or are "just friends", that I'll lose her.
I'm getting to the point to where I realize that even though we have had/could have a good relationship, that it's probably over. I've tried the last of what I could do to "win her back" with letters, flowers, etc. I really don't know how to deal with this, because I love her more than anyone/anything else, and I've completely screwed it up.
Have any of you been through anything like this? If so, how did you get through it? I honestly can't get the thought of just ending it all out of my head, and I know that's not what I really want. I'm not looking for sympathy, just help getting through this. Feel free to flame me for posting this and/or not being a productive member of the boards.
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ September 16, 2005 04:20 PM: Message edited by: Manos ]</font>
Love on the rocks
Aint no big surprise...
Pour me a drink
But seriously. You don't sleep with two other guys if your heart is attached the way it should be in a relationship.
My advice is to cut this girl loose and move on. I know it feels like she's the only girl you're ever going to love, but this just ain't reality.
You have to be fair to yourself and realize that you deserve better. I know these things are easier said but in the long run you'll be happier.
Good luck.
Wow. It sounds like both of you need to grow up. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you're both acting like high-school or college kids, not adults. Neither one of you is ready for a committed relationship, never mind marriage. I recommend you both move on and hurry up and make all the mistakes you're both bound to make before you can grow. It's a shame that children are involved though.
DSOP, Your opinion may vary from mine and that's cool. However, if you're going to criticize why not do in a more constructive manner? What value is there in just trying to tear someone down?
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I wasnt trying to tear anyone down. I guess it did come across as a little agressive, but that was not my intent. Regardless, he is free to ignore my suggestion that they both move on and grow up.Originally posted by GrooovePig:
if you're going to criticize why not do in a more constructive manner? What value is there in just trying to tear someone down?
Her rush to infidelity was clearly indicative of future problems in my eyes, and his inability to see the futility of it all was troubling too. But then again, I don't really know the whole story. From what I can tell though, neither is ready for a committed relationship (IMHO).
Manos,
Get a vasectomy ASAP. Even though she's poison, I can tell you'll be sleeping with this girl again. You DO NOT want to have a kid yet and especially with this girl. A vasectomy can always be reversed. After you've been married to a diffrent girl (The Right Girl) for a couple of years get it reversed.
Yeah dude. She's not that into you. If she was, she wouldn't be sleeping around. Reminder: she has two kids! (Both from the same father or different dads?) That's another red flag...and you can expect that she wouldn't be a faithful wife, either.
I say you're not right for each other and you should move on. There's some weird dependency thing going on here with you two. Cut your losses now. I'm sure there's more to this story, but from what you said you should call it a day.
BTW- there's probably other forums on the net with real professionals who can better advise you.
I don' think I would get married to a girl who, between whatever, slept with two different guys. Get over it and move on.
Whoosh! Did you hear that? That's the sound of the bullet that narrowly missed you.
She doesn't really love you. She just feels guilty. It's over - move on - she already has. Twice.
It hurts, but everytime you think you want to try to get her back, think of her with those other two guys.
Sorry man.
It's over...
Go and find another girl and have sex with her.
That is the best cure!
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