First Things First

[13thfloor]

This is my first time posting on the board.I've been a huge Social D fan for as long as I can remember , thought I was the biggest fan until finding this board. I have been a long time reader.
I decided to write today because of what recently happened to me.

I'm 25 and come from Nova Scotia, I started injecting morphine back in 2003. Over the past 5 years or so my habit became very very bad. I hitchiked back and forth through most of canada a few times, spent a little time locked up in Toronto, my morphine habit quickly turned into a rather large heroin and cocaine habit. I became pretty sick around this Christmas, ended up in the Hospital and almost died. So I decieded then I better get some help.

I went to Rehab for three months got out around the middle of May. Moved to Vancouver (where I am now) and got a great job as a web developer downtown.

I relapsed on Friday after over 5 months clean time. It was very ugly. I met my old punkrock girlfriend (very beautiful) on the street, but different this time than in halifax. In halifax she had energy to her, spirit, and confidence, only drank now and then. Now she is a wasting away, 23, a postitute, crack addict. It made me soo sad to see her that way, so I stayed with her through the night...

I came home to my apartment after wandering the alleys around Main & Hastings for about 30hrs spended all i had and selling my soul.

When arriving at home my roomate could tell what had happened, I told him I spent the rent money on dope...well my share. Basically told him I fucked up. He got up and instantly started beating the shit out of me, chased me out the door with a baseball bat, then up the street. So here I am, walking down Main ST. with only pants and a pair of socks on, bleeding from my face going to the police station to see if I can get any clothes back....or anything!

By the time I get up with the police to get anything back, its been spread all over the street and most to all of it is gone, and or ruined.

The worst part of all is that I lost my mp3 player, with every social d song...well that may not exactly be the worst...but, anyway. I am now homeless, I have nothing again. I am at work right now, so I am lucky I still have that...but my pants smell like the alleys of the downtown east side, and I dont know how much longer i can pull this off.

As I walk down the street, all I have is my imagination for music...so I just walk around and hum social d melodeys.

I have nobody left in my life to talk to....no friends,no family, absolutly nothing...except this job, 1 shirt,1 pair of pants, and some really bad shoes.

I am 25 and I'm an addict [img]frown.gif[/img]


Thanks everyone for listening to me.

cheers

[Steadfastpunk]

wow.... I got nothin

[mawpizzle]

Well, at least you have the presence of mind to realize you have a problem.

The next step is to get your ass to rehab.

And you probably won't hold on to the job for very long if you're posting on internet forums while on the clock.

Best of luck.

[13thfloor]

Its ok I was on my lunch break. I'm going to see if I can get into a recovery house...it was just the one time the other day. I just need to get somewhere safe...

Thanks for letting me vent...

[MandaMalice]

Yeah, go to rehab! And try not to go down the methadone path. From what I understand, you never really get off of it... Good luck!

[Love_Pain]

My word, mate, I got here expecting to check out the acoustic cold feelings video, and instead read some cold feelings on here. Best of luck, don't give up. Being just another statistic is never any fun, so anything you can do to keep yourself out of it is a blessing.

Slainte.

[razr66]

My man, you need to get into rehab as soon as possible. I work in a criminal justice / drug & alcohol facility, and know that relapses happen. You have to start over and get clean again. Good luck to you, you are young enough to bounce back. I have seen many young guys turn into old guys real quick from the junk. Don't let that happen to you. You know it just jails, institutions & death when you go down that road. Find the help you need, and get a sponsor that you can relate to, and use him!! Hang in there it will get better if you give it a chance.....

[kraut]

You moved your ass out of Nova Scotia to BC. I guess you did so to avoid the old crowd you used to hang out with. It's tough to say and do so, but you probably should never see that girl again, no matter if she stays in Vancouver or not. And no matter what she means to you or what person she once used to be.
When I left my habits behind 11 years ago, I completely broke with the crowd and found new people, started a new life.
It's a process of small steps, you put on foot in front of the other and pay attention where it takes you to.
Stupid saying, but you can do it! I was 18 and had no help at all, and I did it. If you can get help, you have to, try to hang on to that job by any means!

[kustom55]

Wow.....I cannot relate since I have been on the OTHER side of the law and have never faced these battles. However from what I have experienced and seen in others; change you friends, change where you live...change everything and get in rehab now because tomorrow may be something you are wishing for instead of living. Good luck

[solemn13]

You know it's sad to say but this may have worked out for the best for you. to see that your actions(relapsing) are unacceptable. So this is the part where you pick yourself up again and become a lasting productive member of society because it's easy to say fuck it and do what everybody expects.Especially after 5 months sober it would be easy to relapse and sink back to the bottom. But it aint even close to worth it. This my friend will make or break you. One tip I can give you is system admins sometimes look at what youre doing online so watch what your posting unless they already know your situation.