Lessons learned....

[OldSchoolSickboy]

Lessons learned....
Lesson #1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.


When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says "I'll give you $800 to drop your towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in fron of Bob, and after a few seconds, Bob hands the woman the $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks who was at the door. "It was Bob, the next door neighbor" she replies.


"Great", the husband says.
"Did he mention anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical informatin pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson #2:

A priest offers a nun a lift. She gets in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly has an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.


The nun replies, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand, but after changing gears, he let is hand slide up her leg again.


The num replies again, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologizes and says "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighs heavily and went on her way.


On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.
"

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in you job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson #3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out of the lamp and says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.
"

"Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." POOF! She's gone.


"Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on he beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Colada, and the love of my life." POOF! He's gone.


"OK, you're up" the genie says to the manager.


"I want those two back in the office after lunch.
"

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson #4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered "Sure, why not?"

Sio, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be very, very high up.

Lesson #5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get tot the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.
"

"Well why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" the bull replied. "They are packed with nutrients.
"

The turkey pecked at a lump of poo and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more poo, he reached the second branch.


Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer and was shot down.


Moral of the story:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson #6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the brid froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some poo on him.


As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow poo, he began to realize how warm he was. The poo was actually thawing him out.


He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.


Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow poo and dug him out and ate him.


Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.


(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.


(3) And when you are in deep shit, it is best to keep your mouth shut!

Hope everyone has learned a lesson!

Enjoy!

[pretty_in_punk]

We had a joke thread going on the board a couple years back... I think its time for a new one cause I could sure use some laughs at work... [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[pretty_in_punk]

Aight aight aight.

Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods.
And the bear turns to the rabbit and says,
"Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
And the rabbit says, "No."
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

Thats by eddie murphy n delerious.

[HotRodder1982]

pretty good! thanks!