Have You Ever Walked Out on a Show?

**Craig T Gustafson** · October 14th, 2006, 07:19 PM

Have you ever left a show at intermission? I've left two at intermission and one in the middle of Act Two (I had thought I could make it through the rest of the show, but they did something so horrible to one of my favorite shows that I bolted.) And Margie & I wanted to leave the Broadway revival of Cabaret, which we hated, but it cost too much money... we felt like we had to stay.

Anyway, I found a review I wrote of a show we bolted from in 2001. Since it's long past, I'll alter the names of people & theatres that I'm slamming -- why rile them now?

If you want to do the same, tell me about the most horrible show you've seen. Change names or don't. Doesn't matter to me.

From July 31, 2001:

On Saturday, Margie and I ventured out to Habberflecher to see the Turnamonkey Theatre rendering of Fiddler on the Roof. Jenny Pauley, who was in The Fantasticks and Angel Street at Wheaton Drama, was choreographing and playing Tzeitel. Constantine Ragamuffin was filling in for one of the villagers. Special note to Jim Quan: You mentioned that Aloysius Sondergaard had dropped off the face of the earth. We found where he landed. He was playing the Rabbi.

Warm memories washed over me as I entered the theater where I got my first written review in 1980. My performance was called "mercifully brief." We sat down on the hard chairs and waited for theatrical magic. It was not long in coming. A massive, bearded man entered through the house, his dulcet tones ringing: "Uh feedlerr ohn de roof. Sonds crehzy, no? But en our leetle willage uff Ahnahtevka, yoo maht seh?" It was the most horrible cartoon/vaudeville "Jewish" accent you've ever heard. The 2000-Year-Old Man would have spit on him. And all the adults were talking like that. The ones who couldn't do an accent just went through the motions of saying willage for village, and like that. Every time the Sabbath is mentioned in the script, they said "Shabbas," except for the ones rhymed it with "shabby." Made for a lovely rendition of "Sabbath Prayer." Obviously, Clementine Cadwallader, the director, was of the firm opinion that she must make Fiddler on the Roof more Jewish. She took a warm, humanistic play and drove a stake through its heart.

Tevye:
Was unintelligible through his accent.
Had no timing.
Stumbled over lines (it was closing weekend)
Started the wrong verse in "To Life."
"Sunrise, Sunset" is one of the most famous songs in the worlds of musical theater and weddings. This guy paraphrased it. Jenny told me that at final dress he sang, "How did she grow to be beauteous?" which caused Tzeitel to burst out laughing at her wedding.
Apparently, the accent was his idea; supposedly he was the 600 pound gorilla of prima donnas. But Clementine is the one who let him get away with it.

There were three mikes onstage; people were still inaudible. The only ones who were any good at all were Jenny and the kid playing Motel. Also, there was a crying baby at the tech table. The tech person had baby-sitting duty that night, I guess. Among the several video-taping parents was one orangutan who held his camera over his head, blocking the view of the people behind him. I went back and complained when the bastard ran out of tape -- and rewound and began playing it back during the show. With the sound on. The lights were awful, the set was non-existent and one lone keyboardist accompanied the singers. As Margie said, "Fiddler just isn't a show you can do right with one keyboard."

Margie is half-Jewish, but she couldn't wait for the cossacks to come in at the end of Act One and kick the shit out of everybody. It was so bad that, ten minutes into the show, I took my program, scrawled on it "Intermission - OUT" and showed it to Margie, who nodded through her pain.

We had a lucky escape, too. During Tevye's "clean up, clean up" speech after the pogrom, he was weeping like a lost soul. I knew what that meant, and Jenny later told me I was right: he cried straight through Act Two. So much for Tevye's stoicism.

While driving down Butterfield Road after fleeing, we drove past an obviously skunk-infested area. "Leave the window down, honey," I said. "It smells better than the play." I'd only ever walked out on two shows in my entire life. This was the third. It was the worst half-a-play I've ever seen on a stage. I had applied to direct there, but I don't think Constantine will be hiring me any time in the near future, since we walked out. Gosh. Darn it.

[ October 14, 2006 04:33 PM: Message edited by: Sgt. Bilko ]

**gwpatt** · October 14th, 2006, 10:12 PM

Not to pick on you, Craig, but a buddy and I brought our wives to see "Godot". They went shopping at intermission but we stuck it out. I thought the effort was admirable, but we didn't "get it".

**Craig T Gustafson** · October 14th, 2006, 11:03 PM

Originally posted by gwpatt:
Not to pick on you, Craig, but a buddy and I brought our wives to see "Godot". They went shopping at intermission but we stuck it out. I thought the effort was admirable, but we didn't "get it".

Not a problem. I knew going in that Godot isn't a show for everybody. I wanted to do it for the people who would get something out of it, and I just wanted not to fuck it up. I was happy with the result, as was the group that produced it.

**Dan Muir** · October 15th, 2006, 05:15 AM

Taking from something I posted on NICOTH, and expanding on it:

"I was admonished once for walking out at intermission on a completly intolerably bad (Albright Theater)production of "The Nerd", simply because "...if you walk out, you're not getting your money's worth." HA! If I'd STAYED, I wouldn't have gotten my money's worth! I spent the 2nd act walking around Batavia's downtown and had a better time than I would have if I'd stayed for the remainder of that painfully bad show."

This "Nerd" was HORRIBLE!!! I'd played the title role twice before, directed by our esteemed moderator, so I was a little biased going into it. Suffice it to say that they missed 3/4 of the opportunities for good bits and jokes. Axel didn't live in the flat below, he was Willem's roommate, which made for interesting blocking when Kemp was hiding in Axel's apartment downstairs (what?). Ticky was at least 40 years older than Clelia, and the Nerd himself was so nasal that I couldn't understand a word he said.

I knew several cast members, and felt bad that I was ditching them, but a guy can only stand so much. I walked out, just as the 2nd act started, right past the director, and she didn't recognize me! Fortunately, the exit was also the way to the restrooms, so I wasn't stopped, I got away with it. I went for my above-mentioned walk and then waited for Kim and my folks to exit the building; I couldn't go back in and face any of the cast, because I would've told them how I felt. And this was about 5 years ago and I haven't been back since.

Another one: Summer Place's The Music Man. It got boring.

There have been several other shows I wish I'd left at intermission, but since Kim was enjoying it, I stayed. Let me go down the list of the most outstanding ones:

COD's The Boys Next Door, a poignant show badly played for laughs. They didn't get it.
Bartlett Park District's Rumors. Bland.
First Street Playhouse's Art (The acting was great; I hated the script) and.....

the same theater's Sex In The Title. I actually fell asleep 20 minutes into the first act. If the director HAD been allowed to cut half an hour from the script, I would've stayed awake. (Sorry Craig, I know you tried!) But that's a story I'll leave for him to tell.

There are many more shows I wished I'd left early, but mercifully, they've been blocked from my mind.

Life is too short to waste it watching bad theater, hence the picture I've posted along with my name.

[ October 15, 2006 02:22 AM: Message edited by: Dan Muir ]

**pungster1** · October 15th, 2006, 02:56 PM

I don't recall how many years ago it was, but the only time I ever walked out of a play was at The Goodman Theater's production of "The Merchant of Venice". It was delivered in such a heavy handed manner it was as if each actor and actress had decided that they could appear more serious if they grumbled their lines and toook very LONG poetic pauses before responding to someone else's line. We couldn't wait until intermission so we could get out of there.
From that moment on, we referred to this particular theatrical "experience as "The Merchant of Penance".

**The Mystery Shop** · October 15th, 2006, 09:11 PM

I've walked out on several shows over the years, but the one I remember most was a production of "Sound of Music." Not my favorite script to begin with, but it was a new theatre, I got comps, etc. etc. The show started at 8:00 pm. We left after the FIRST ACT at 10:00 pm. We went out for pie. The pie was great.