...if you were brave

[Dano]

I looked up from stocking the chips, and turned my attention to the woman belonging to that familliar voice. She looked really different, almost unrecognizable. Firstly, she had on normal clothes, just jeans and a sweatshirt, not her customary goth-chick uniform. Secondly, she looked like she had filled out some, quite a bit actually, since the last time I had seen her. Without really consciously acknowledging it, I was happy for her.

"Hey Thomas."
"Hi Crystal. What's up?"

She shifted on her feet as I looked up at her from my kneeling position. Strangely, I felt that this angle gave me the advantage as she kept her eyes busy scanning about. She was trying hard to not maintain eye contact with me, and it didn't help that my eyes never wavered.

"Oh, not much, just moved back to town, getting back into the swing of Omaha and stuff."
"Cool."

She looked apprehensive, like she had something she wanted to say, but couldn't quite bring herself to do it. She licked her lips and shifted the loaf of bread from one hand to the other. I looked at her face and neck, noticing how healthy she looked, how smooth her skin was, the noticably smaller rings under her eyes.

"You look good."

She looked right at me for the first time and brightened.

"Really? Thanks. You too."
"Nah, I look the same as always."
"That's what I meant."

She smiled again, that slow flirty smile I fell in love with the first time I saw it. I could feel myself smiling back.

"Well, what's up? Something I can help you find?"
"No, actually, I came down to talk to you..."

She trailed off and looked away. She was obviously waiting for me to argue with her, as had been the case the last several times we had met up. Our recent confrontations had been epic, almost cataclysmic. But, it all seemed different now, I felt no need to be defensive at all. I could see something in her eyes that looked hopeful.

"Sure, what do you need?"

I stood up and reminded both of us just how much bigger I was than her. A lot taller, a lot bigger. She was the first woman to ever call me a teddy bear in a way that wasn't dismissive. She looked up at me, and it seemed like she was sharing the same memories I was.

"Are you working tomorrow, like around 3 or 4?"
"No, I'm off at noon."
"Noon? What time do you start?"
"Four in the morning."
"Oh damn, that must suck."

Shrugging, I told her I was used to it. I ran a hand over the stubble on top of my head, waiting for her to say whatever it was that she was itching to say.

"Well, I was wondering if maybe you'd want to get together, like have a cup of coffee or something.?"

I looked down at her, and I could see something in her eyes that reached in and grabbed me. I opened my mouth to speak...

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch the last few times we've run into each other."

The words shot out of her mouth, probably before she even knew they were there, but her face didn't betray any surprise. She always had had a good poker face.

"Well, let's talk about that tomorrow. 4 o'clock at Goldberg's, ok?"

[Oz]

Nice. How cool is it that you have something that happens in your life and that you are gifted enough to make it sound appealing to the rest of us. Keep in touch and let us know how that cup of coffee goes/went...

------------------
"What about him? What are you doing with him?"
"What you should be doing with me..."

Proud family member of Jelymo, gollum, Kelly, Dano, Jaxom27, 5Cats, Fenix and others.

I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned

[Branflakes]

You are so good at this, Dano.

------------------
Branflakes, the ninja lesbian milk getter bunny protecting flirt.
The one called "brain" and "brandiflakes" and....
I'm tired of the silent majority. Silence equals death.
Life is what you make it.
"I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality"-Savage Garden

When shall I hold my passion for you?

[Dano]

In two days, the weather had changed dramatically. I sat in my car, watching the rain, dreading the cold long walk across the parking lot into the restaurant. A set of headlights flashed at me, and a small green hatchback with a Los Lobos sticker (attatched by a certain boyfriend back in the day) pulled a few stalls away.

She got out, wearing a big navy peacoat and baseball cap against the cold. As she walked by, I honked my horn and she jumped. Smiling, I got out and grinned. She smiled back but flipped me off.

"Asshole."
"I've been called worse."

We hurried into the darkened restaurant. Polished wood and brass as far as the eye could see, which wasn't far in the low-lit room. All lighting was provided by small lamps on each table only, and created a very intimate atmosphere. This was one of the few places in midtown Omaha where the noise level was under control.

We got a table, and our server asked us if we wanted drinks. Crystal looked at me, her hair pulled back so I could get a clear shot of her eyes and the apprehension that lurked.

"Um, I don't drink anymore..."
"Good, neither do I. How about a couple pints of that microbrew root beer you guys have?"

She nodded and wandered away. Crystal was puzzling over me, somewhere between amusement and... awe maybe?

"When did you stop drinking?"
"Three years ago this last July."
"Wow, pretty much..."
"...a year after we broke up."

She looked away and I regretted saying it, but it was done, and all I could do was keep going.

"You?"
"What?"
"When did you stop?"
"June 23."
"Wow, I'm proud of you."
"I stopped doing drugs too."
"I'm very glad, you seemed pretty strung out last time..."

The comment died on the table between us, somewhere in the sugar and creamer bowl. She sighed heavily and looked around, and I occupied myself with the menu. I looked up and she was getting ready to light a cigarette.

"You don't mind, do you?"
"No, it's cool."
"Because I know how much this bothers you."
"Crys, don't worry about it, ok?"

I smiled and grabbed her lighter, lighting it to show her it was ok. She smiled shyly and lit it, and I put the lighter back down on the table.

She stared at me while she smoked, and I sat and smiled back, sensing she wanted to say something.

"When did you get so calm?"
"A while ago. Still working on it, actually."
"You used to be so... manic, so animated, you never stopped moving."
"Well, after I quit drinking, I needed something to fill the hole, so I started poking around into spirituality."
"Oh god, you're not like born-again are you?"

She sat up as the waitress brought us our drinks. She looked even more apprehensive now, and not in a good way. I couldn't suppress a smile as I settled in to catch her up on the last few years.

[Oz]

I will forever know that a story is done by Dano when there are references to how much the narrator dislikes smoke. Dano, I just want to tell you how much it makes my day when I look in here and see more writing from you. I really like the way this is unfolding, it feels very natural (and it is) but I do NOT like your habit of giving us cliffhangers... You're not born again, are you???? *Oz is left wondering; probably for a long time...*

------------------
"What about him? What are you doing with him?"
"What you should be doing with me..."

Proud family member of Jelymo, gollum, Kelly, Dano, Jaxom27, 5Cats, Fenix and others.

I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned

[Branflakes]

I know his beliefs, too. Great part, Dano.

------------------
Branflakes, the ninja lesbian milk getter bunny protecting flirt.
The one called "brain" and "brandiflakes" and....
I'm tired of the silent majority. Silence equals death.
Life is what you make it.
"I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality"-Savage Garden

When shall I hold my passion for you?

[Oz]

Bah! You are all teases...

------------------
"What about him? What are you doing with him?"
"What you should be doing with me..."

Proud family member of Jelymo, gollum, Kelly, Dano, Jaxom27, 5Cats, Fenix and others.

I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned

Arch-nemesis of Tea Woman

[Chilimuffin]

::dangles a set of beliefs in front of Oz:: hee.... tease? I don't know what you're talking about.

[Dano]

Writer's note - Platteview is a small rinkdink town about 20 miles south of Omaha on Highway 370, and Benson is a former suburb that is now just a part of midtown Omaha. It has been completely swallowed up over the years, but it still retains an aura of the small town it once was.

In July of 96, when we broke up, I think that you and I both know that neither of us was in a good place. To be honest, I was sliding downhill as it was, and our parting made it much much worse.

I was living with Dean and Scott at the time, and they had been my friends since junior high, but I couldn't stand it anymore. So, I moved out in the middle of the month, and talked my parents into letting me stay there. Things were ok until my drinking became more of a preoccupation than a hobby.

It was a dramatic downhill slide. By the end of Sept, I was drinking at work, hiding in the office. I'd get off of work and go to the bar until closing time. Then I'd go home and sit and cry and write horrible poetry until the wee hours and fall asleep. The next day, I'd do it all over again.

In November, my parents changed the lock on the front door while I was at work one day and refused to let me in. I talked Dean and Scott into letting me crash there until I found another place. I found it, living in some old lady's basement all the way down in Platteview. I had to drive almost 30 minutes to and from Omaha to go to work, and I was lucky I never got pulled over, driving drunk like I was.

But not lucky enough. One night, I fell asleep and ran off the road. I didn't hit anything, and I just pulled back on and made it to my shitty apartment. Then, when I got there, I shut down. I was catatonic, all I could do was lay on my thin mattress and stare out the window at a birdhouse. For three days I sat there, not working, not eating, but most importantly not drinking.

It wasn't enough for me to stop right then, I wasn't 'better' by a long shot, but it got me kick-started. I struggled so hard, it was so fucking tough, but I did it. Day by day, week by week, month by month, but really day by day. It was almost Labor Day before I realized it, and I hadn't had a drink in over 6 months.

I found a cheap place in Benson, right off 52nd and Millitary, and gradually re-acquainted myself with life. One of the major aspects that I decided I needed to investigate was my spirituality.

(She had been listening to me quietly, looking right into my eyes, basically awash in pity and empathy. But at the mention of this new statement, the skepticism re-entered her features. Again, I couldn't help smiling.)

I started going back to the church I grew up attending, St. Andrew's, but I found it just as lacking as I had when I stopped attending back in high school. So, I looked around some more. I think I went to about 20 different churches and even went to Temple Beth Israel once, but nothing seemed right.

I was reading the paper one day, and I saw an ad for "Athena Healing Services, offering Rebirthing, Reiki and Liquid Body." I had seen ads like this numerous times, never thinking much about them, but this one grabbed me for some reason, so I gave her a call.

We talked, I asked her what it was all about, and she broke it down for me, explaining things. I was particularly interested in the Rebirthing aspect of it, as I felt that I was truly being re-born...

("Rather than being born again," chimed Crystal. We were both smiling.)

Yeah, totally. So, I asked her if I could set up and appointment, and she let me know what her rates were. Unfortunately, I wasn't quite that ready to commit financially like that. I was surviving, even thriving without having to buy booze so often, but it was still a little rich for my blood.

I thanked her and we said good-bye. That was the first time I heard the words, "Om Namaha Shivaya."

(I stopped then and smiled, re-living the memory for a second. She put her hand on mine and asked, "What does that mean?" I looked at her and then down at her hand, which was very cold and very soft. She pulled it away shyly, her face turning several shades of red. "It's ok Crys, no prob.")

As for Om Namaha Shivaya, it's a Tibetan blessing, and I don't really have a literal translation (I keep forgetting anyway) but I have bent it to mean "May your spirit have strength."

A few months go by, and I get into a deep depression. I don't know if you remember this, but this is when I tried sending you that letter and I got it back with "Return to Sender" written all over it.

(She gasped at this and looked like I had slapped her across the face. I took her hand and held it, gently but firmly, looking right into her pale blue eyes. "I'm so sorry Tom... I just...")

Hey, it's ok, ssshhhh, it's ok. I don't hold any grudges, I stopped being angry about it a long time ago. Ok? Sometimes we do things we aren't proud of, and we need people to forgive us. I forgive you Crystal, ok?

(She nodded and sniffled, a few tears falling when she blinked. I continued holding her hand, giving her my warmth, letting her know I still cared, I still loved her.)

So, I went to Mr. Toad's one night to see Luigi play... did you know I started listening to jazz? No? Well, that's another discussion entirely. Anyway, I went down to check out Luigi, and the place was pretty much empty. Really only me and a few other people. I was sitting way over on one side of the bar, against the wall, drinking my overpriced, over-iced Cokes, when two beautiful women walked in...

Writer's note - Damn, I'm a bastard, ain't I? Enjoy the cliffhanger!

[jones]

Ah dano, master of cliffhangers. I like it plenty so far. Do you have a projected finish in sight, or is this more open-ended? Just wondering. Either way, keep it coming.

take care

---jones