everything seems, everyone remembers

[machinery]

everything seems silent when we skid,
tires locked, sliding sideways
against slick snow.

whooosssshhhhhhh.
(human(s) gasp of breath(s))

locked arms,
gutless gaping of the mouth(s),
eyes like balloons,
runaway blood knuckles...

marks veered right,
back end chasing front.
tread spitting snow left,
visibility spinning.

instinct gives,
slam of left pedal.
(hands stretching for the dash)
...the machines last swerve...

everyone remembers the song that's playing when they crash.

lodged in a ditch,
cracked shield
and frozen ground
splattered
like blood,
our breath comes
back cold
and the song
kicks
back

(hey man, slow down, slow down,
idiot, slow down, slow down)

on.

[Hannibal]

Intense.
This poem was intense from the get go.

The "whooooosh" seemed almost comical!

But everything else conveyed a "hold your breath" kinda idea.
I felt as if I had held my breath until the very last line.

Is each stanza supposed to represent a split second in the overall motion?
like the first stanza is the first second,
then the next, etc.?
In a way of saying that so many things happen in just that little split of time?

[machinery]

should i omit the "WHOOOShhhh?


yeah...definitely seconds are represented for the stanzas...


so it's good yeah?

[Hannibal]

i don't know if I'd omit the Whoooosh completely
it kinda sets the tone for the next phrase.
know what I mean?
Kinda like a pre-emptor - like... here it comes.

I like it - good feel for sure!

[machinery]

i know this is an old one...but I want to revise this. it's been a long time...so any new ideas?