Kick

[Kalyope]

Hands pressed to lower
back to ease the dull ache
caused by supporting so much
extra weight. Her stomach
so bulbous the bellybutton
protrudes--skin pulled taught.
She inhales deeply
as her stomach bulges--
a little foot kicking
almost ready to break free.
She can't help but smile
at the determination.

[Fliptastic29]

you need more. I enjoy this segment but it's just speaking of a pregnant womans "common" first experience... let's booost it a little and add a little exitement and perhaps a new feeling, i really want to feel what your feeling. Now what you wrote is a beggining but it just dosen't help the no understood with your experience.

[Hannibal]

Although I know I told you the other day on messanger that I've really come to enjoy your works...

Perhaps a post on here is in order as well (and I had told you I would reply)

This poem seemed to be human nature at it's finest. I have noticed that you tend to write about the downsides of human nature... or at least from your poems I think of, I think of a 'grasping' effect they have.. a kicker somewhere that gets you.

But I think this one is a little different, and I like that.

This one is all about the human essence. And it's plain - but using ALL the right words to really get across the scene.

It's human. There's nothing more human than a mother carrying child, and the wonderings that lie therein.

It's just a beautiful poem on so many levels in my opinion. I think the word choice is excellent, and everything really falls into place to let us see the mother.

It's like when you're with (great) friends, and no one says a word and you feel like you've had a great conversation...
This poem - it doesn't have a lot to it, but what is there, is just right, and in the right spots, to give it a really full, deep feeling.

Thats just my take.

[machinery]

it's odd how i came upon this after just telling chris about conciseness and enjambment.

chris...this is it.

it's a moment, and a very small moment when you take in to effect the duration of pregnancy and by saying this, i would have to disagree with flip on this on.
this is just one memory of many to come with this phenomenon, the birth of a human child.

it engages the audience as a whole. men can experience this poem, well not in an actual physical fashion, but you know what i mean. And also women can experience this poem, as to say they haven't already, and in which they had, they
can appreciate this piece.

kicks are only grains of sand when you consider the the life of a human. we can grow to be mountains among men. this is a coy moment, a simple appreciation.

kalyope (and it's been bothering me on how to pronounce your name....is it "cal" "yo" "pee"?),

you are precise in your word choice, but poetry isn't set in stone. and your enjambment is nice as well. Take a look at this:


lower ache, much stomach, bellybutton taught...
deeply bulges, kicking free. smile. determination.

i get something out of this words alone. I can gather an idea. it's a great sign of good word choice.

good work.

[Kalyope]

Thanks for the compliment Machinery, and it's pornounced "kuh" "lie" "oh" "pee". Like the Greek muse, but more contemporary [img]wink.gif[/img]