Considered At Length

[Hannibal]

I can't sit alone anymore.

That's what I tell myself everytime it's late, and I'm tired,
And alone.

But here I am again - the same as last time.

If I could count the nights I've spent alone (even after having married),
I'd make a wonderful mathmatician.

I am just scared of something that is happening,
That I have no control over.

My eyes seem to wet late at night, in a flow that I can't stop,
With no warning, and no cause in sight.
But the mention of feelings,
The memories of people,
The distortion of the future,
They compile.

Their compilation leaks from my eyes.

It plays like a movie in my head, with the music I have on,
And I just can't shut it of - repeat.

With everything I've learned, people I've helped,
I still see the black background,
Everywhere I go.
Nothing bright and cheery, just dark and gloomy.
Behind that light blue sky, filled with puffy clouds that look like Mickey Mouse -
There's a black backdrop of unknown, and uneasiness that I can't confide in.

I fight back tears by grinding my teeth.
The dentist says I grind my teeth in my sleep.
Do I cry all night?

Every day passes like an eternity,
And even being married to a good woman,
Every night lurks by like a crook,
Slinking through the shadows,
Taking it's time,
Waiting to strike.

Some nights I wake up and have no idea where I'm at,
Some nights I wake up yelling - trying to yell for help - unable to make words come from my mouth,
Some nights I don't wake up at all,
Just grind my teeth down.

I'm not afraid of anyone, as much as I'm afraid of myself,
And what I might do,
Or what I could do rather.

Anything to remind me that I'm really here,
That the moment I'm feeling is real,
And not some dream I can't wake myself up from by yelling for help.

It changes sometimes,
Sometimes it changes you.
Sometimes they don't let you go.
Sometimes you can't let them go.

Candles lit the way once,
Where now there are cobwebs,
Sparkling only under the light of the moon.

The same moon which has grown dim,
No longer able to light my way home,
Unable to reveal my location,
I'm lost.

[Hannibal]

****REVISIONS*****


I can't sit alone anymore.

That's what I tell myself everytime it's late, and I'm tired,
And alone.

But here I am again - the same as many times before.

If I could count the nights I've spent alone (even after having married),
I could suprise even myself I imagine.

I am just scared that something is happening,
That I have no control over.

My eyes seem to wet late at night, in a flow that I can't stop,
With no warning, and no cause in sight.
But the mention of feelings,
The memories of people,
They compile.

Their compilation leaks from my eyes.

It plays like a movie in my head,
And I just can't shut it of - they're on repeat.

I fight back tears by grinding my teeth.
The dentist says I grind my teeth in my sleep.
Do I cry all night?

Every day passes like an eternity,
And even while being married to a good woman,
Every night lurks by like a crook.
The night surrounds me with shadows,
Taking it's time,
Waiting to strike.

Some nights I wake up and have no idea where I'm at,
Some nights I wake up yelling - trying to yell for help - unable to make words come from my mouth.
Some nights I don't wake up at all,
Just grind my teeth down.

I'm not afraid of anyone, as much as I'm afraid of myself,
And what I might do,
Or what I could do rather.

Anything to remind me that I'm really here,
That the moment I'm feeling is real,
And not some dream I can't wake myself up from.

It changes sometimes,
Sometimes it changes you.
Sometimes they don't let you go.
Sometimes you can't let them go.

Candles lit the way once,
Where now there are cobwebs,
Sparkling only under the light of the moon.

The same moon which has grown dim,
No longer able to light my way home,
Unable to reveal my location,
I'm lost.