His Family Burned That Night

[Kalyope]

He watched
through the little
sliver of window
in the barracks
as flames licked
the sky
setting ablaze.

The screams
were too distant
for him to hear.

The air burned
his nostrils,
filled them
with the smell
of burning flesh.

In agonizing silence
he witnessed
a premature cremation
that left
anonymous ashes
that the wind
carelessly scattered
leaving no evidence
of their existence.

[Hannibal]

I'm not sure why - but this poem makes me think of the movie "gladiator"...

My issues really aren't with the poem itself (which I think is good, and the words are executed nicely) but it's just with the imagery..

Why is this guy in barracks? Does he realize he's looking at his own place burning? Has he no emotion about it? Just leaves me kind of void of feeling on it you know? I just don't 'feel' the cremation of his family... I'm just hearing about it from someone who heard of it from someone, is how this poem 'feels' to me.
A lot of your other works carry a lot of emotional punch.. this one is lacking that I think.

[Kalyope]

This poem is actually meant to be about the Holocaust. The emotional distance is there because it had to be. Sorrow would only weaken you, and you needed everything to stay alive. Maybe I should have included some kind of author's note to convey that up front...

[Hannibal]

Ah yes, having that explained makes more sense now.

I've never been a fan of having to have the mood of something set for me...

But I think that might work here, unless there was another way to get that across in the poem itself.

[machinery]

though this is fairly tight, i believe you could omit a lot of words and make it stronger.

"He watched
through the little
sliver of window
in the barracks
as flames licked
the sky
setting ablaze.

The screams
were too distant
for him to hear.

air burned
his nostrils
with the smell
of burning flesh.

In silence
he witnessed
a premature cremation
that left
anonymous ashes
that the wind
carelessly scattered
leaving no evidence
of existence."

Take a gander at this. I took a few out. See if you like it. Also, the first stanza is not hard to understand, but I think you could change it around to make it better...

like:

"through a sliver
in the window,
he watched it blaze
as flames licked
the sky."

maybe something like that.

tell me what you think.