5 minute free write I did starting from this quote by Proust

[parch]

5 minute free write I did starting from this quote by Proust


Marcel Proust - "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but in seeing with new eyes."

in seeing with new eyes I might see you, not callous
and cowing, not overwept, fake smile gleaming, in
seeing with new eyes I might invent, new ides in seeing
with the march, that which I march, prepositions
of marsh, the real voyage of discovery is less
than a voyage, not even a good book to read,
someone sitting down at the coffee table, pillows
and all that long spat of news, if this was your
voyage you might wake up, I could even find
you, aishiteiruyo, ndifuna kupita kupita kupita
base, eti, somebody stole what I asked for in bread
line, but I'm trying to forgive, to get past the
point where you tell me where I'm from and I
tell you there's somewhere to go, we're late, let's
get a move on. I'm renting the car, go wild,
we haven't got 5 minutes.



****
so... like a lot of things I do. I write, then decide what it means or what I think of it.

but I wanna' do that with this one and some other recent few things.
so any point to cut - let me know.
let's just chop chop chop till we have the one or two useful words.

thanks yo

[thenewrant]

Okay, I am looking into this.

This blockquote must be read fast. Intention: most likely. And, I dig it when read fast, though by use of blockquote (so I've named the form for matters simple reference), I felt like it was still stylized.

Speaking of style, the foreign language stuck its foot out on the overall flow, but use of this makes the reader wonder if it's a personal shouting of the speaker, or meant to be unraveled.

What I gathered after a couple minutes of diving (in regards to the FL): I love you, I want to go home. The latter part of the FL confused me. Best guess.
But, I actually like my translation (simply mine as I doubt I'm correct).

Because I believe that the language is a barrier broken, not only for the speaker, but for the definition of the poem itself.

Though the use of the period isn't used until the last two breaths of the piece, I feel this is a break, a difference. and the reader has to slow down. And, what's great about that is how it forces the reader to hear the speaker desire things to speed up: "to get past," uptil the ending.
"and I
tell you there's somewhere to...we haven't got 5 minutes."

Love how that works. I like this piece, but I'd rather like it more. There are nuggets within this five minutes.

[parch]

In new eyes I might see you,
no longer callous and cowing,
not overwept, fake smile gleaming.
I might invent,
new ides in march,
I march, a marsh,
the voyage is less
than bon voyage,
not even a good book,
sitting down, coffee table, pillows
and long spat of news.
If you wake
I could find you,
I love you, I want to go home.

I try to forgive,
get past where I'm from
and find somewhere to go,
we're late, let's get a move on.

I'm renting the car, go wild,
we haven't got 5 minutes.


***
oh god, not pleased at all. will do this again.
and I read RP response, but didn't get it. I'll pay more attention.

humdinger.
I have messy hair from great frustration.