Saw

[Hannibal]

I saw it tonight, that, or what it could be.
There in the window, shinning like a beacon.
As I approached the window at 55 mph,
With a dead wind surrounding me,
I watched this single candle,
Held by the invisible, mind you,
Conform to the shape of the window and dim to nothing more than a curtain.
Not a candle at all now, just a shady curtain draping over a large bay window.
After the shivers had passed through my spine,
My mind dwelled inside the house for 10 minutes more.


Living there I was stuck in a passage of dimensions,
Watching one dimension speak with another,
Transfer of images, ideas, subject matter,
Happening right before my swollen eyes.
Sitting inside the house, void of it's furnishings, I must've moved.
Something moved,

Concentrating further ahead down the road,
The stop sign glimmers in complient silence,
Waiting for me to obey it's rigid metal standards,
To comply to it's self-proclaimed lordship of the roads,
As I see the stop sign ahead my mind drifts to my truck,
Crossing the void through which it just passed,
As my eyes blink and I stop quietly,
Awaiting for something,
As the soothing sound of my engine carries me home.



[This message has been edited by Hannibal (edited April 04, 2001).]

[Trevor Vincent]

Maybe I'm a retard, and I won't dispute that idea, but I wasn't able to follow this very well...In other words, I didn't understand it. I liked the way it flowed, but it seemed as though I was flowing to different things throughout...At the same time however, that could have been how you meant it...the problem w/poetry is that you just never know.

[machinery]

I knew you were traveling in your truck...and maybe it's as simple as that...but what I did enjoy was the imagery..and this time....your words were simple....and that's what made it in my head....i often have to really engage myself in your writing *and I love that* , this one, it just went down my throat, smooth sailing...it had a rhythm to it...real nice descriptions and how you played with your surroundings.....nice.

[Hannibal]

Trevor, what kind of images was it stirring in your head? what was it that you didn't quite understand, perhaps i could shed a little light on this poem for you... let me know.

[Trevor Vincent]

I got the image that you were driving in your truck, and were mesmerized by this "thing" in the window...I just got lost in the second stanza, and then got back on track in the third stanza...I think the whole second stanza just threw me off. Like I said, it's quite possible that all the tests are correct and that I'm challenged...hehe.

[Hannibal]

Trevor, the reason the 2nd stanza threw you off, as well as others I'm sure, is because I was driving in my truck, and watched a light in a window, fade into curtains in a window of a house that was dark, it really amazed me...but I was imagining what it must look like on the inside of this house... all dark, but with that light.... *shrugs* I didn't know how else to convey that image.

[machinery]

so it's side thought...right? well...make it a side thought inside of a stanza...let us know...as with parenthesis or even dashes....put that Umph in it to let us know it's different..and just continue otherwise with your original thought.....I am so caught on side thoughts in poetry right now....i never get to the end...i just get wasted on one thought and that's it..and I think that's beautiful.........tell me if you get what I am saying

[Hannibal]

*nods and jots down a mental note*
I get it, I wasn't sure how to do that... so I seperated it out completely. But thanks *blushes* next time I will do good promise!

[machinery]

awesome man...now when you look at my writing...you will understand it better.