Hibernate

[Kalyope]

The news claims
it will be a record-breaker.
Winter's first dusting
forecast
to sprinkle us
with at least eighteen inches.

The clouds shed
alabaster shavings,
coating the earth and trees,
an unblemished
carpet of cold.

I sip lemons
with a splash of tea
and watch the flakes
float past the window,
prepared
for early hibernation.

[machinery]

The first line is a real go-getter of the audience. It grabs me. What got me as odd was the use of the word "sprinkle." Because after that you say 18 in. All I'm saying is that I don't associate sprinkle with a shit ton of snow.
I understand why you wanted to use "sprinkle" because now I'm sitting here saying it out loud and I really like the way it sounds rolling off my tongue. Oh, okay, let me get back to your poem.


I absolutely love the second stanza. It's great. The only thing that seems unnecessary is the "the" at the beginning. It certainly can be omitted.
I know there is a stanza break, but you mention 18 in. of snow and the "the" seems to break it further apart. I would just come right in.

The third stanza doesn't pack much punch. I like the lemons/tea part, but it really has no significance to the poem. You tell us you are watching the flakes, but you already told us that in the second stanza. the only line you really need is the preparing for hiberation, which i dug.
Hopefully this is helpful and I don't come off as an ass. I really think you could make this great.

[Kalyope]

Alrighty...adding some edits. How's about this...


The news claims
it will be a record-breaker.
Winter's first dusting
forecast
to cover us
with at least eighteen inches.

Clouds shed
alabaster shavings,
coating the earth and trees,
an unblemished
carpet of cold.

I cradle a mug
of chamomile tea
between my hands
prepared
for early hibernation.


Changed the last stanza a bit. Once I reread it, I totally got the redundancy. I chose chamomile because it's supposed to be a soothing aroma. Let me know what you think.

[machinery]

much better....see it's the small things. i am an addict of word choice...it can totally change the whole outlook of the poem.

the last stanza is much better...
and the more and more i read it, i see why you want that damn cup of tea....i didn't like it at first....but it shows contrast from the bitterness outside....maybe if you could mention the steam rolling off it as well....

all in all, good edit.