weather of women long ago

[machinery]

I know rain is falling outside my closed window
coming down in forms of class rings & cold dinners
high school reunion cold front coming in,
the shine of mother's son is dim
sad ex's are smearing lipstick on the window glare
& the tears of my mother I cannot hear.

ugly leaves stick to the damp pane
pink memories of them turned gray
rain now forecasts behind my eyes
innocence I?m no longer entitled

tears that I have concealed
accumulated water on the sill

& the tears I will keep
& that's just my demeanor

an obvious overcast of disapproval in both their stares
so oblivious the last two years, my recent actions stale

but there's a sense of serenity
in the soothing short-lived stains of rain
temporarily tickling my window
losing limbo I do
by simply remembering you

I gaze through the glare
the wish wash ware
of vehicle & weather
as thoughts gather

street lights twinkle blurry slivers
like class rings and clean silverware
sad ex's sketching lipstick hearts
& the tears of my mother I can hear

I try a smile towards my losses
because I know life has certain costs
I still have my memories of you
and mother still has my youth

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ October 23, 2002 07:02 PM: Message edited by: machinery ]</font>

[Hannibal]

WOW, it's been a long while since you've posted, and I'm glad to see you back.
I really like this peice, especially the last stanza...
We gotta get together sometime, when you comin down for pizza homeY?

[Generalkaos]

Well, you are seriously talented, but I want to see more. The first stanza really pulls me in, gets me on your side, and pricks my ears up for what comes after. The only thing is, you lose me, talking about something that has more to do with you than me. God, tell me if I'm being an asshole and ruining your fun. I can never tell if people actually want critical responses on this board. Anyway, I really dig lines like "accumulated water on the sill" but lines like the one that comes before it, "tears that I have concealed" do it a disservice for me and contain virtually no informaton--certainly no sensory information... Just remember you have access to seven senses when you write. If you actually care what they are, email me and let me know, otherwise, I'll shut up.