Mold Me

[Jess3rka]

The rain falls down and pelts
against the thin of my eyelids.
Needle pricks against the skin
only to serve as
my anchor to the earth.

My mouth opens,
parched lips crack
and begin to bleed.
Desperately,
I call out your name.
Lady luck gives it to the wind.

Hot and wet, humidity sticking to flesh.
Cares floating off skin and down
dripping off the ends of fingertips.
Temporarily connected,
Then a forlorn release.

Hard wind pushes against my hair,
forcing the wet down.
Matting it against my head,
unforgiving against the curl.

Is this what you wanted?
No raincoat, empty,
shattered against this
veil of tears?

Forgiveness in the form of
compliance.
Decieved in the guise of
Love.
Broken in the shape of a
Woman.

[Kalyope]

Your images are just so vivid! It's so easy to see the girl wandering in the rain. You seem to have a knack for picking just the right word to say what you mean. Your lines flow really well. Good stuff. --->Kaly<---

[Hannibal]

The 2nd stanza where you talk of parched lips cracking...

It's raining - so I have trouble imagining this dry mouth, and dry lips, cracking open in the rain... just kinda caught me wierd I guess...


I liked the poem a bit, but I think it could use some revision.
Sometimes the words just seemed kinda clunky (for lack of a better word), like there could be a way to get a little better flow from them...

What is there is good - but could use some revision to make it flow just a little bit better, but overall it was a pretty good work.

I did like the line "lady luck gives it to the wind" I like the idea of that...