She

[Hannibal]

She makes me feel like a monster,
I guess I am.
Some monters try and make things right,
But because they are monsters,
Nothing works out for them,
Usually things just get worse.

I could list on many occasions the many things I've tried,
To get her to love me,
for Who I am.
But it never turns out right,
And she always leaves.
I'm beginning to think she's right,
I am a monster.

I tried to tell her,
That I am not a monster,
All she could do,
Was say my name - which was
Much like in a bad movie,
When one person knows the truth and is confronted by another,
But they don't want to admit it to the other person,
So they say their name with the odd pause at the end - as if to say,
"Yes, you're correct."

I am the reciever of that odd pause,
I hang on every syllable.
I am the monster of someone's dreams,
But it is not she who is dreaming.

[Kalyope]

This piece is more abstract than the other. You don't have many concrete images for us to latch on to. However, it kinda works here because you're expressing that you don't really know what you are, so why would your images be tangible either. I think you might want to expand on some of your attempts to earn her affection...why did they fail? It might make the piece stronger.

[machinery]

you always knew how to wrap up a poem...like the last lines.

however, i agree with kaly, you need to butter this baby up a little bit...sounds like a dialogue almost...like your telling us this, not showing.

one idea is created another picture of a monster...don't just say you're a monster, show us you're a monster.

and really pick out what makes you one...don't just list, elaborate on the strong points.

hope this helps.