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February 24th, 2004, 12:37 PM
#1
Senior Hostboard Member
I can't sleep again.
Eyes cast deep into the folds of my pillow,
Mind rushing, trying to find somethign to grasp,
To clean out all the dreams of you.
Every night you plague my dreams.
Beautiful and clear, I see your face,
Those eyes.
Quiet, cold, and with no emotional attatchment.
Long before the waking of anyone else,
I'm up once more wondering just what you mean to me,
What I meant to you.
Dreams of a long forgotten day trouble my mind,
Restless, hours without sleep.
Sleepless at the thought of dreaming about you,
Sleepless when I awake from the beautiful nightmare of you.
Days I wish I could trace my fingers across your face,
Down your lips.
Nights I wish I could wrap my arms around you,
If only to sleep in a deep warm slumber,
With no beautiful nightmares,
nothing to wake me, to a long morning of restlessness.
But again, my mind is focused on you,
And that's no way to get to sleep.
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February 25th, 2004, 09:14 PM
#2
Inactive Member
hey, i think this piece is really wonderful. the title caught my eye and i was anxious to read it. and then you didn't use the title in the piece which i also really liked a lot.
"..once more wondering just what you mean to me,
What I meant to you."
--i like this line and the differing tenses that 'meant' takes. pretty dynamic
"Sleepless when I awake from the beautiful nightmare of you.
Days I wish I could trace my fingers across your face,
Down your lips."
--these lines are my favorite in the piece. they are just worded perfectly, everything about these sentences make them almost exciting to read. they're so sad, but really beautiful.
"But again, my mind is focused on you,
And that's no way to get to sleep"
--normally i am not partial to these kinds of ending, they usually come off too casual. but here it really works, it leaves the reader with the same heavy sad feeling the bulk of the piece give, but also with a helplessness. this really adds to the appeal for me.
really, this is awesome. good job
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May 1st, 2004, 09:57 PM
#3
Inactive Member
amazing HAnny.... amazing
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May 4th, 2004, 05:27 PM
#4
Inactive Member
i like this piece.. actually the title is what made me join the board in the first place... it kinda fits with me..
These two lines really struck me:
"Sleepless at the thought of dreaming about you,
Sleepless when I awake from the beautiful nightmare of you"
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