Her

[Hannibal]

My name is Chris
I am married to a woman who hates what we are.
Her words are landmines,
Waiting for me to take a step in the wrong direction
So she can explode,
And reign down with violent fury,
Injuring me to a point close to death.
Taking my breath away,
And blinding me with her explosion.

I have two six-packs of beer in the refridgerator,
I sip on a beer on occasion.
Tonight I feel the need to do more than sip.
As I pulled the bottle from my lips after a drink,
I thought I tasted blood.
I wasn't sure if it was actually blood,
as my lips are dry, and bleed sometimes.
I didn't bother to check.

The salt & pepper shakers on our kitchen table are different,
made different only by one hole in the top of the container.
This beer is almost done,
I haven't had dinner,
But I'm ready for another round.

<font color="#00FF00"><font size="1">[ January 31, 2007 10:59 PM: Message edited by: Hannibal ]</font></font>

<font color="#00FF00" size="1">[ January 31, 2007 10:59 PM: Message edited by: Hannibal ]</font>

[Kalyope]

Wow this is powerful. I think it could be tightened up in a few places, but most of the lines are really strong, and your images, especially in the first stanza are great. The opening lines read kinda like you're at a husbands of wives that suck anonymous meeting or something. Maybe start with "her words are landmines". Just a suggestion.

[machinery]

i think the first stanza can stand alone. if you look at the next two, they really don't roll along like the first one. you start talking about beer (and don't get me wrong, love it) but it has nothing do with "her."

that is the title of the poem, yet you only speak of her in the first part.

see what i'm saying? I think you either need to elaborate on the first part, or tie them together somehow....

I see how you wanna drink because of her...but it doesn't really show....you know?

hope this helps.