whisk boom whisk boom!

[machinery]

alright han, i know i know, i haven't been on here much, but with jail time it's hard! ha.
I'm actually still working on my finals for school, so the real work here in (ab)normal is limited. I've actually started my novel though. so all is good. but hey, i pulled this out of my miles davis cuts notebook. it's a first run and it's incredibly rough.

so, rip it apart.

****

oh you sinister woman
how you bounce down the aisle,
whisk boom whisk boom!
the sound of your jeans,
the dip of your backside
crazy moons of hunger
have risen in me.

i must eat all your words,
even articles.
cuz your mouth is a gorgeous
hole, speaking flowers and
all dancing cinnamon.

i must wipe my hands with yours.
soft treasures, with little lines
of identification,
bay powder pearl nails
and dark ridges of stretch,
so right against my

i must hide your eyes.
or else oceans will rise and tumble,
kicking me beyond the beach
of containment.
they speak such madness,
light beams of woah

i must wear gloves,
because your skin
is a football field of nipples
wanting first downs.

[Kalyope]

I loved the sounds of whisk boom, and was hoping to see more of that sound appear in the poem [img]frown.gif[/img] Your descriptive words are great tho, and I have to say, it flows well, although ending that one stanza on 'my' is a bit weird...

[machinery]

i too like those sounds and i too think i should incorporate them more into the poem.

as for the structure and actually delivery of this poem, it was a first run. this was a piece I had scribbled out during my numerous instances of writers block through last semester, call it schoolwork, call it the ex girlfriend, call it the beagle gnawing at my dictionary, but the result was the same...i couldn't write.

thanks for the reply though. hopefully soon, since I have most of my school work done, I'll be able to interact with this board and the members that keep it alive.