Uhhh ... I am speechless. The tension in your story, the whole story, is impressive in the way it builds but never quite releases; each chapter is another click on the ratchet of an ever-tightening spring. When you finally release the pent-up energy - not soon, please, the torture is exquisite - I may pass out from exhaustion.
This chapter, all by itself, takes that tension to new heights. I found myself racing ahead, wanting to see what would happen and then going back to read more slowly, to savor the action. My favorite chapter *had* been the fight in the store. No longer. This scene is taking its place. Please continue. Please.
I am honored that you appreciate what small help I can give you. Bad English? Nonsense! English is a language designed by committee - and none of the members of the committee like each other very much. That makes the language strange and hard to learn, but worth it because it can be used in so many ways. Good, English, sir, is that which flows and sings in the head. Your does that for me. Can I take issue with pronouns and other insignificant grammar? Yes. But that is all window dressing. What is really important is that when I read your words, I smile.
Thank you. Please don't stop.
Which woman is my favorite? I can't decide. I waver between Natasha and Melissa like a butterfly caught between two incredibly delicious flowers.
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