Best Friends Sister:Kara's Payback

**doom2241** · June 27th, 2016, 09:31 PM

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**doom2241** · June 28th, 2016, 06:08 PM

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**Michaelj1723** · June 28th, 2016, 07:42 PM

I'm not really a fan of the direction that everyone has taken with this story line, but I understand it.

You did a great job though! Keep up the good work! You and everyone!

**doom2241** · June 28th, 2016, 10:53 PM

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**White Devil** · June 29th, 2016, 12:27 AM

It's so cool that we both Love Kara. Thank you and keep up the good work.

**Angel Dawn** · June 29th, 2016, 08:28 AM

doom2241 ... I enjoyed reading your story very much. It is an excellent story.. very well written .. and yes, you should absolutely continue writing. .. and never be concerned about how anyone feels about your story. Write what you want to write. Some readers will love it.. some readers not so much.. but YOU will love it. I believe the most important element in writing is to write something that you would want to read yourself. You are a very good author.., and I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.

**doom2241** · June 29th, 2016, 12:45 PM

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**doom2241** · June 29th, 2016, 10:33 PM

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**Augur** · June 30th, 2016, 01:49 AM

Originally Posted by doom2241

I had to edit this because there were a few rough spots. they were parts of the story I knew were there, but when I penned it didn't get put down. I did it all in one go without review. anyone who does writing knows there's always revisions that need to be made.

Hello Doom!

I have to concur with the others, your writing is very good. Of course, I'm not really a fan of extreme sagginess, but that's simply a question of personal preference.

What's more important is that your style and tone are quite different from Jon Grey's originals (not a bad thing by itself, but something to be aware of!) and it might be a good idea to have that be reflected in the story titles in one way or another. I've named my own contributions "tributes", and used the word "dream" whenever the events aren't compatible with the main storyline (or "canon"). That way they won't be as likely to interfere with Jon's amazing work. Just a suggestion, mind you!

I also noticed some inconsistencies, e.g. the mention of Tiffany having milked Kara before (I believe that was Chrissy) and the reference to Kara's Beta O memberships (I don't think she's a member). Bra sizes are also "off" (compared to Jon Grey's stories), but considering how often they seem to fluctuate up and down in your writings, that may be intentional?

That said, having a different style is no reason not to contribute to BFS! Please feel free to keep writing more!

Best,
Augur