The Showtime Contest
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Thread: The Showtime Contest

  1. #31
    Hostboard Member kingofdapirates1's Avatar
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    Re: The Showtime Contest

    The Showtime Contest
    Hey Everyone,

    The final part is up and the full story reposted to fix the language. Thank you all for your patience and I hope everyone has enjoyed this story. Special thanks for the likes and comments as always. I have some ideas of what to write next and hopefully will start those soon but until then...yeah this is all I got.
    Till next time.
    Kingofdapirates1

  2. #32
    HB Forum Owner JB57's Avatar
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    Re: The Showtime Contest

    Dear King,

    Hi! I just read the final part. First, absolutely great story. Fantastically erotic and masterful in laying the groundwork for much more to come. Here are some random comments.

    First, I was initially very disappointed that Silvia won the fight with Maggie. I'll get into why below. However, the disappointment did not last long as you gave us a wonderfully detailed account of their fight and showed that Maggie was on the verge of winning when Silvia retreated and (almost) cheated. Not really, but she certainly would have lost if she had not broken off and changed the terms of the fight. So, that made Maggie's loss a bit more bearable. More importantly, perhaps, her loss sets the stage for a more intense confrontation with Amber later.

    Second, the fight between Silvia and Amber, while brief, certainly sets up Silvia as the villain of the night. Again, really well done. However, of course, there is not the kind of emotional investment in her as there is in Maggie and Amber.

    Finally, we have Maggie and Amber's telephone fight and masturbation contest! This is incredibly hot, made moreso by the complex feelings they have for each other. You've made their intense emotional and sexual connection nova-hot and left your readership desperate for more!

    That leads to a suggestion/request on my part: please let your next story be about Maggie and Amber having this long-awaited confrontation! I've written before that you are masterful at writing stories that are amazingly good at dragging out the tease and building and building to their climax - but this is almost too much! After writing a 117 page story over the course of a few months, you end it on a tease for the battle/reunion/fight to the death that you have been teasing for the entire story! This comes very close to constituting the torture of your readership! So please get back to Maggie and Amber and their very complex, incredibly erotic relationship as soon as possible!

    That being said, I am happy to hear that you are working on "The Perfect Ingredient". I was re-reading that the other day and thinking how good it was. It needs a conclusion. But if you have to choose between Maggie and Amber and finishing "The Perfect Ingredient" I would vote in favour of Maggie and Amber!

    There were a few reasons I was disappointed that Silvia won the fight with Maggie. The first was that I like Maggie and, like a fan, don't like seeing her humiliated. But you gave her a good showing and, even better, turned this situation into a real advantage for the story. Excellent! The other reason was the one I noted above - after 100 pages, I was ready to read about Maggie and Amber getting together and having it out in a passionate battle. But you managed to partially deliver on this. Their phone-sex battle was certainly passionate and raises the bar on what will happen when the two women are finally naked together in the same room. The only concern, as I said, is that you are making teasing into a torture. However, I remember how great your first two Maggie and Amber stories were, particularly when taken together, and I have no doubt that, whenever you get around to writing the next one, it will be incendiary. Again, as a writer, your choices are very brave and keeping your fans strung along, waiting for more, is a good strategy. But it can also be incredibly frustrating! ;-)

    You've laid the foundations here for a really spectacular universe of sexfighting women. Now we have Amber's rivalry with everyone, but getting Jenny to fulfill her part of the deal looks like the promising start of another story. Silvia and Jenny obviously hate each other and that has great potential. Then we have Maggie, who may well want a rematch with Silvia, given how she was cheated out of her victory. So, lots of new possibilities. I hope you get around to exploring them all over the next while.

    Great work!

    JB
    JB57

  3. #33
    Senior Hostboard Member Rivals_Rapture's Avatar
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    Re: The Showtime Contest


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    The Showtime Contest


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