Counseling sessions (Not a Sexfight story)

[redbee05]

Hi everyone,

This post isn't a sexfight story, but it IS sexfight related. It's more of a "About Me" post and why I'm into sexfights, thus it's kind of personal. So hopefully this read won't be a bore to you.

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I first stumbled upon sexfights way back in latter years of high school... you know, with puberty kicking in and all. I was drawn to the idea of two women making out, but also a little less to the idea of catfights.

But then I started thinking: what if you combine the two? And somehow I stumbled upon the idea of female sexfights, thanks to the Internet. California Wildcats & Chickfight.com were probably the first sexfight videos I watched; and I want to say that the first sexfight stories I read that made an impression on me were Emery's "Apartment Wars" and this one about cheerleaders.

And... F/F sexfights have been my favorite (and for the most part, only) sexual fantasy/fetish ever since then. Even up till now.

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Fast forward to recent years:
I got out of a long, tumultuous relationship. It took me a while to realize that I needed professional help because I was still emotionally scarred from it. But after finding a great counselor and having many counseling sessions with her, my mental health is better (albeit still not 100%).

One of the things I revealed to my counselor is that, during my relationship, my ex was a Christian. And as a Christian, she doesn't approve of anything that remotely resembles homosexual acts, such as two girls dancing with each other on the dance floor, much less porn. I guess this goes back to the whole notion that homosexuality is a sin. ANYWAYS.... my ex was very dominant and didn't treat me well in general, to say the least. And I realized that I wished I could share with her about my F/F sexfight fantasy because some of the things for a healthy relationship are openness and acceptance without worrying about being judged. But knowing her and her values (ie. homosexuality being a sin), I couldn't open up to her about it as much as I wanted to. If I did tell her that particular subject of F/F sexfights, she'd go through the roof. (It should be noted that my very first ex years ago was also this way -- conservative and didn't treat me well either.)

I mentioned all of this to my counselor and also that I have a very specific sexual fetish/fantasy; she was openly curious and asked me about it.

I was like, "Have you ever heard of a sexfight?"

And not surprisingly, she said no. (It seems like a very limited "audience" for sexfights as a sex genre.)

I was nervous in explaining it to her because I was worried that she'd disapprove or judge me on my sexual fetish (even though counselors aren't supposed to be judgmental to begin with). I was like, "Well.... you know how some guys like it when lesbians make out, and other guys like it when women catfight? It's kinda like combining the best of both those worlds. Except instead of physically fighting, two women fight by having sex with each other. They F each other trying to make the other cum first."

My counselor's response was a very exciting, "THAT'S F---ING BRILLIANT!!"

Now, I don't know much of my counselor's personal life as I am the client talking about their personal life, and not her. But she's obviously not against homosexual acts. Her reaction made me feel very relieved.

I told her more about my idea of "the perfect F/F sexfight" (and a lot of these I attribute to JB57's fantastic stories):

- the two females are equal in terms of physical build, height, weight, bust size, etc. Neither can dominate the other;
- whatever sexual acts they perform on each other, it's mutual and they do it together: masturbation, 69, & tribadism especially;
- I always imagine the two females being locked together, wrapped in each others arms, and moaning/screaming into each others faces openly during the sexfight;
- in missionary style, the two females both end up having multiple orgasms together simultaneously.


After hearing all this, my counselor immediately picked up a pattern: "You really value equality between two people in a relationship. You don't like it when one person is dominant over the other, like how your ex dominated you. And all of the sexual acts the two females mutually do to each other in sexfight, they do TOGETHER... to you, that togetherness represents a partnership. And the females openly moaning in each others faces represents two partners being open to each other in a relationship. And finally, the two females cumming together can represent two partners experiencing pleasure together."

... ok, she didn't come up with all of that right away. It took a few more sessions of discussing and me reflecting what my F/F sexfight fetish represented. But yes, I never thought of the possibility of one's sexual fetish/fantasy representing something deeper about ourselves. Maybe even trauma related, like in my case. It just never occurred to me.

Another thing I mentioned to my counselor: "Yeah, in my F/F sexfight fantasy, there isn't much physical fighting unlike catfights. Sure, the women rolling around on the ground trying to get on top of each other, with neither being able to dominate the other, is hot. And there's some mutual hairpulling. But overall, they inflict sexual pleasure on each other, not real bodily harm. I don't like it when people get real hurt."

My counselor: "You're an EMT! Of course, you don't want anyone to get hurt."

So that was another nice revelation as well.

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Since then, I don't feel ashamed about having a F/F sexfight fetish. Embarrassed? Yeah, somewhat. But not ashamed. Just because there are people out there like my exes who'd disapprove. The world's a big place and everyone has their own kinkiness, if you know what I mean.

So one of these days, I hope to find a great gf. I told my counselor that I hope can be open and authentic with her about ANYTHING, including about my F/F sexfight fetish. And hopefully, she won't judge me. Ofc, it'd be awesome if she's the type of gal who'd like to sexfight another female. But really, first and foremost, I want to be able to be open and authentic with her.

Anyways, I just wanted to share this deeply personal story with you all -- the sexfight/titfight commuity. =) I've been following this board for YEARS, and it seems like it's one of the nicest places on the Internet.