meh

[SHATOUSHKA]

a few weeks ago i posted about my fave uncle
being close to death yadda yadda... and
while that is true, i also failed to mention
that another uncle had been diagnosed with
pancreatic cancer (those to you that i speak
with more personally already knew this).

the first uncle mentioned, uncle william,
i used to only see maybe 2 or 3 times a year.
i'd definitely see him at least once...

but the second uncle, uncle roy, i would
see maybe 5 or 6 times a year (prolly cuz
he lives much closer). anyways...

for some reason i just liked my uncle
william much more. some people would conclude
that it is because my uncle roy was VERY
baptist.... and i mean... VERY baptist (as
was his whole family) whereas my uncle
william was much more er... like me. just
normal.

when the news of my uncle william's problems
hit me, i was highly upset and it affected
me to a great extent. hell, it still does.

however when the news of my uncle roy's
problems hit me, for some reason i felt
a detachment, yes... but it didn't move
me as much as my uncle william's... even
though technically i was more familiar with
my uncle roy.

regardless...

my uncle roy died yesterday morning....

and to be honest, a very strange feeling
has come over me. just something rather
detached and weird... though i'm not really
moved to cry about it or even any guilt.

i just feel... strange... hard to describe.

uncle roy was a nice guy, don't get me wrong.
some of my strange feeling comes from the
fact that his death hits kinda close to
home... figuratively and literally. also,
many remembrances of being around him
flush to my mind... i mean shit, his kids
used to spend the night with me and vice
versa... and we'd spend every easter and
july 4th at their house... not to mention
the great february birthdays which celebrated
his and his daughter's bday together....
usually at some typical place like red
lobster.

but you know, i dunno... i just feel strange.

i wish i could say that i would be attending
the funeral... but due to the situations
surrounding my mother and myself... i feel
a great sadness that these occurances has
caused such a rift in my family that i
could not seriously be expected to go.

i suppose i'm just rambling and quite honestly,
i don't expect a bunch of ridiculous
sympathetic replies... i'm just wanting
to lay some thoughts out there and find
some place for them to rest other than
inside my brain.

meh....

[Blazey]

Your allowed to "not" be upset about this. You feel something but not the earth shattering grief you would feel if it was someone you are closer to. Given all that I know about certain things...dont let this get to you. Your sorry the man is gone..send a sympathy card and carry on. That way you did acknowledge it yet didnt make an issue about it with anyone else involved. Polite but detached...thats you bebe.. [img]wink.gif[/img]

[stingger]

Death is a weird thing, I've had relatives die I've not seen for years but remembered things about them I found affected me. Other people I thought would effect me I guess the same or similar thing, you feel like you should burst into tears but don't then you over analize yourself and its death ... just wierd.

[diluted]

interesting what you describe there shatz ... ive felt the same way with every single person that i have known that has died with one exception,

ash's (ashticles) mother when she died it truely cut me up to the point where i was in tears numerous times no one else's death has ever had that affect on me they have been more a case of ok so and so died and i think ok doesnt affect me ... carry on with life

now i know that sounds rather selfish ... however its the same feeling i have towards my father hes very rarely around, calls once in a while and admittedly i dont make a big effort back (things soured some time ago for reasons some of you know some dont) and its similar i can take it or leave it, it doesnt bother me that hes not around doesnt seem to care etc and its the same with a lot of people ive known that have died i dont miss them i never needed them and as such they got filed in the past tense part of my brain and they very very rarely make an escape out of there for so much as a passing thought unless people bring them up

i suppose this could be how i feel when my father passes on ... which is not likely to be soon

[oranges]

i care less about people these days [img]confused.gif[/img]

[zelazny]

Me too.. and it scares me.

[Babi BootifuL]

I think we can now conclude, that you are not alone with the way you feel shatz..

[img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]

[The Reverend Dark Angel]

Death is just the easiest thing to accept because no one will escape it.

[SHATOUSHKA]

i just want to show some appreciation for the
posts on this thread, especially the first two
by chele and stinnger cuz those really hit me
the most.

i guess i just feel bad because i don't feel any
guilt towards it all... i feel bad because of
certain detachments i had to make due to circumstances
with my mother... rather like casulties of war.

its a shame...

but i also agree that it seems as if, in this
day and age, people just don't care about the
loss any more. are we no longer sensitive to it?

i think we are... but i think our circles have
just grown tighter... more sensitive to those
closer to us... or to those that mean more to us
than just family events, etc.