Smart Johnny

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

Johnny's mother quietly took him by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closed the door.

She said, "First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..." Little Johnny unbuttoned her blouse and took it off.

She continued, "Now take off my skirt..." He removed her skirt. "Take off my bra..." which he did.
"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties." When Johnny had finished removing his mother's panties, she said, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"


An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"

One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away." The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.

Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, "No, there would be one -- the one that the farmer shot."

The teacher replied, "No, Johnny, you're wrong, but I like the way you think."

"OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you," boasted Johnny. "Let's say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?"

After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, "Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and sucks out the inside."

Johnny responded, "No, teacher, you're wrong -- it's the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think


Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, "My God, you're ugly, aren't you!"

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. "You naughty boy!" she screamed, "How can you say to your aunt that she's ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you're sorry!"

Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, "Aunt Tess, I am sorry you're so ugly."


The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'"


Little Johnny has a problem. He swears too much. He cusses like a sailor. Johnny's teacher is aware of this, so she is going to be extra careful not to let Johnny cuss today.

"Okay, class. We're going to play a game today. I'm going to name a letter of the alphabet and I want you to come up with a word that starts with that letter and put it in a sentence."

The kids are excited, especially Johnny, who's thinking of every cuss word he can think of.

"Okay, class, let's start with the letter A."
Johnny raises his hand.
"Susie," the teacher calls.
"A is for apple. Apples grow on trees," she replies.
"Very good," the teacher says. "Okay, class, let's do the letter
B."
Johnny raises his hand excitedly.
"Mikey," the teacher calls.
"B is for baseball. Baseball is my favorite sport."
"Very good," the teacher says. "Okay, class, let's do the letter
C."
Johnny raises both hands! He's going nuts! He's got the perfect
word for C!!
"Bobby," the teacher calls.
"C is for cat. A cat lives in my backyard."
"Very good," The teacher says. This goes on and on, and the

teacher is not going to call on Johnny if there's a cuss word that starts with the letter she calls out. Finally, she gets to the letter R. The teacher can't think of a single cuss word that starts with R, and even Johnny looks a little puzzled. So she calls out R and asks Johnny to respond.

Johnny nervously stands up. He looks around the room. Then he says "R is for a Rat..." he suddenly gets excited and stretches both arms wide, "...a rat with a dick this big!"


Johnny walks into a whorehouse. He's holding a shoebox under his arm. He reaches up to the counter and rings the bell. Out comes the madame. She looks down at Johnny and says to him, "Well, well, what can we do for you little boy?"

"Yeah, I wanna fuck a bitch with aids."
The madame is a little shocked. "Excuse me?"
"Open yer fuckin' ears, bitch! I wanna girl with aids!"
She laughs at Johnny mockingly and says to him, "You do realize
that this kind of thing costs money, you know."
She stops laughing when Johnny slams down three hundred dollars
on the counter. "Money's not a problem, lady."
"What do you want a girl with aids for?" the madame asks.
"That ain't none of yer business. You gonna give me the bitch
with aids or what?"
"Okay, little boy, you do seem quite serious. I'll go and get
her. By the way, what's in the shoebox?"
Johnny snaps back "That ain't none of yer business either."
The madame stares Johnny down and says, "Yes it is my business,
because I have to look out for my girls. What's in that box?"
Johnny opens it and there's a dead frog inside. The madame looks

puzzled. Johnny explains it to her. "Okay, I fuck the bitch with aids, then I get aids. I fuck my babysitter and she gets aids. She fucks my dad and he gets aids. My dad fucks my mom and she gets aids. My mom fucks the mailman and he gets aids and that's the motherfucker who stepped on my pet frog!"

thats all for now but i got a bunch more






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