can you issue compassion without a reward?
Can you be compassionate if the object of your compassion cannot understand you?
can you issue compassion without a reward?
you can issue compassion without a reward if the compassionate act is understood.
I won my small claims court case, but I feel I lost on another front. I bent over backwards on so many levels to try and resolve the conflict, but even after the judge rendered the verdict in my favor, the other person scoffed, mumbled under his breathe at how ridiculous the verdict was.
He chose to ignore my positive actions, which means my compassion was ignored. Even if he didn't agree with what I felt I did was positive, he never really understood what I did.
If he had understood what I did, and still felt negatively toward my compassion, that is a lot easier to deal with then someone who just made up their minds that they didn't owe restitution and didn't even bother to communicate before going to court.
the reward is in the recognition.... thats called
arrogancy. no act is selfless.
it appears you have more difficulty in him not
giving you (what you deem to be) appropriate
credit for your compassion... as opposed to him
having difficulty in the verdict.
should caesar feel slighted when not shown awareness
for his compassion when ordering the death of
a man to be via cliff tossing as opposed to crucifixion???
My point was that even if he wanted to believe exactly as he believed, it was his complete ambivalence to the way his actions had negatively impacted my life that was difficult to cope with.
I almost had two extremely dangerous situations arise directly related to his damaging my car. My back-up car sometimes hesitates in the rain, and after my primary car had been damaged by him, I was in my back-up car when it almost stalled at night, on the freeway, in the rain, on an uphill interchange.
Then, when I finally replaced the rims on the car that he damaged, I solved one problem, (the alignment was suddenly OK again), but this solution created a new problem. The tires were put back on the new rims in a reverse spinning direction, which can cause steel belts to separate from the thread, which is exactly what happened to me. One of the tires blew up while I was on the freeway going 65 mph.
To hear this guy whine about how he was being victimized by the system was difficult. What's even more annoying is this guy, by not paying for shop insurance, was able to undercut his competition on smog services because he has one less substantial bill to pay every month, even as he victimizes others, he won't listen to any other viewpoints.
I wanted to respond to him in court, but it would have been disrespectful to the judge who had already ruled in my favor and hit the gavel, (meaning clear out, the next case is coming.)
I cannot have compassion for someone who did not even listen and comprehend how they might have negatively affected my life when I did nothing to them but bring them business. Even if they did not change their position after hearing my words, at least they would have heard my words. Knowing they have heard my words and don't give a crap makes it easier for me to accept that they are puke and move on.
So it seems to me, based on my example, I can't have compassion if someone who has harmed me won't even listen to me.
I know there are other types of compassion. If I come across someone who's home has burned down, and they are crying, then all I can do is comfort them. If two weeks later I find out that they were habitual smokers who had been warned several times to not smoke in bed, then I no longer have compassion for them, but I would feel sorry for them.
However, feeling sorry for someone is not compassion, in my opinion.
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">thats a ridiculous statement.Originally posted by Alex:
it was his complete ambivalence to the way his actions had negatively impacted my life that was difficult to cope with.
the fact that your 'back up' vehicle is shit is not
his concern, nor should that be placed on him.
its tangical and irrelevent to whatever the problem is.
thats like saying:
"even though the company is downsizing, don't
fire me because i have children to feed and if
they go hungry, its your fault"
meh... you have a shitty back-up, its not his problem.
the fact that you chose to use your back-up vehicle
KNOWING it had those problems is not a reflection
of the damages to your primary vehicle... its
a reflection of your judgement.
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">i know exactly what you mean..... [img]graemlins/whatever.gif[/img]Originally posted by Alex:
even as he victimizes others, he won't listen to any other viewpoints.
We both know how you usually take the other side whenever I bring up an issue. [img]graemlins/whatever.gif[/img]
The point is I shouldn't have been put in a situation where I only had a back-up car to drive for well over a year. I like my back-up car. Since it doesn't rain that often in California, it is in fact a very reliable car.
I'm simply pointing out that because I was able to wait to have my car fixed because I had a back-up car he ended up biding his time and doing nothing.
I actually told him to take care of the other car that his employee hit while the employee was driving my car, and in the end, the used that offer to stall the situation and do nothing.
The relevance to the situation at hand is if I did not have the back-up car, I would have been on his case from the get go. He took the generosity of the situation that I offered, (waiting to fix my car until he fixed the car that his employee hit while driving my car), and as a result he did nothing.
Now, let's see how "evil Alex" is a terrible person. This ought to be rich.
here's what i heard:
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">this is, again, your problem.Originally posted by Alex:
I actually told him to take care of the other car that his employee hit while the employee was driving my car.....
He took the generosity of the situation that I offered....
don't get mad at someone for exploiting you
when you ask to be exploited.
He broke my car, he needed to fix it. If done in any kind of a timely matter, no other harmful fallout would have occured.
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