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February 11th, 2007, 05:48 AM
#1
Inactive Member
My daughter was born 8 lbs. 9 oz. October 10, 2006
after a magical pregnancy. My only complaint through
my pregnancy was my size! Labor and delivery were
exciting and I loved pushing out my daughter. However
the eleation of giving birth to my daughter was
quickly replaced by confusion and later panic. After
delivering my placenta my uterus would not shrink down
and I continued bleeding heavily. Since this was my
first baby, it took me quite a while to understand
there was concern. I was also losing a lot of blood,
so everything seemed surreal. I remember at some
point looking around and realizing it probably was not
normal procedure to have over 10 hospital personnel in
my hospital room. I had 8 blood transfusions over 12
hours. They tried to stop the bleeding by inserting a
water filled balloon into my uterus. Despite my
husband telling me that he was sure it would work, I
knew it wasn't since I felt gushes of blood coming out
of me every five minutes or so. My hands were so
swollen from the blood transfusions and attempts to
keep up my blood pressure with saline that at some
point one of my IVs popped out. My hands hurt so
badly from swelling that they covered them in plastic
bags of ice. I was so thirsty and at times so
desperate to just leave and go home. I couldn't
believe that was happening. My husband came to me to
tell me that the nurses wanted to feed my daughter a
bottle. How could I say no? I was in no position to
feed her. 14 hours after delivering my daughter I was
brought into surgery. I was actually relieved to have
the hysterectomy at that point. They had brought me
my daughter an hour before and I couldn't even sit up
to hold her. I just cried looking at her and she
cried right back at me. My husband and I realized I
would die without the surgery. My husband still held
out hope that the doctors would be able to fix what
ever was wrong when they opened me up, but I never
thought this would be true.
I woke up after the surgery and my husband told me
that they had taken my uterus. I don't think I
understood its significance fully then. I cried
mourning the loss of my "perfect" delivery and losing
the first two days with my daughter. I couldn't feel
lucky to have my daughter as everyone told me I should
feel. I felt failure, digust with my body, envy of
all the other women in the maternity ward. I had just
worked so hard to grow and push out this beautiful
baby, but I felt like the opposite of a woman. I felt
empty and worthless. My daughter wouldn't nurse
either and I couldn't take care of her like I wanted
to. I had three IVs (one in each hand and one in my
neck), my epidural gadget still in my back, a drain in
my stomack and a urine catheter. I was more bloated
than I had been during pregnancy.
I didn't want to take pain medication because I was
afraid it would interfere with my breast milk. I
worked hard those next few days to be released from
the hospital. In 5 days they let me go home and I
could begin to start a "normal" life with my baby.
Revovery from the operation was overshadowed by the
needs of my daughter. Miraculously my milk supply was
unaffected, so in that respect I was spared. Sure
there was lots of crying and moments of despair, but I
knew I had to be strong for my daughter. I often
wondered whether given the choice whether I would have
traded my uterus for my baby. It was only when she
was 2 months that I could answer that question yes.
And sometimes I look at her and think she's enough and
I may not even want more children.
I still feel so angry. At times, usually by myself in
the shower, a wave of realization sweeps over me and I
KNOW what happened and its consequences. The
permanence of the operation overwhelms me. I often
think about our next child and whether we can afford a
surrogate to carry him/her and whether I'll be able to
nurse that baby. With the patient help of a lactation
consultant I was able to nurse my daughter when she
was a week old and she's still nursing at 4 months.
Nursing my baby has helped me tremendously to feel
womanly again after this ordeal. I still feel
different from the other new moms but writing this and
talking to friends about my feelings help me feel
better. I hope everyone who has gone through this
experience finds peace and acceptance. I think I may
need to join a support group at some point to really
hash out all these feelings. Good luck to everyone.
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February 12th, 2007, 02:26 PM
#2
Inactive Member
I felt sad and also frightened when I read what you have gone through [img]frown.gif[/img] It must have been a hard experience to you and your husband. Luckily you have a precious daughter now. I truly hope that she keeps you up and shines your life. I believe so. I would give you my uterus if I could since I won't need it anymore.
It is so unbelievable what can happen when delivering the baby. You never expect these things to happen. And they shouldn't.
I felt frightened because I was so near to experience the same thing. I had/have a placenta percreta and I am afraid to even think what might have happened if doctors didn't make the another kind of decision. They left the placenta in to my uterus and it is still there. But that's another story which I will write here as soon as I have a moment.
Good luck to you and your family. I also think that operation every day, so maybe it is good to get some support afterwards.
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August 25th, 2007, 02:16 AM
#3
Inactive Member
It is so comforting to hear of your story. I have felt so alone after my own near death experience with placenta accreta. No one seems to understand my grief.
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September 11th, 2007, 03:49 AM
#4
Inactive Member
I wrote this 4 months after I had my baby girl.
I had a great pregnancy, with the normal aches and pains and morning sickness. The only thing that they were keeping an eye on was the growth of my baby because I had a 2 vessel cord instead of the normal 3 vessels. So weekly ultrasounds in my last few months were part of my routine. My doctor decided that I shouldn't go late due to this and scraped my membranes a week before I was due. I was already 2 cm dilated. I then had contractions for 4 days before they were close enough to be admitted at the hospital. Once at the hospital, I was 5 cm dilated and asked for an epidural. This was at 6am. By 8:30am I was comfortable and just waiting for things to pick up speed. I started pushing at 1pm and by 4:37pm our baby girl was born. She was 5 lbs 15 oz and healthy. They took her aside to get cleaned up etc. while they looked at my cord. My husband was with our baby and I was encouraging him to take lots of pictures. I had 2 doctors with me, and one went to exam our baby while the other started to remove my placenta. Well, tried to. The moment she tugged on my cord, it snapped off. I felt the jolt of this and wondered what had happened. I heard the doc call the other one over and this is when everyone started to come back around my bed. My husband was watching from the side and was torn between me and our new baby. Who should he be next to, what is going on? I bleed so much, even with the epidural, I could feel gushing and fluid hitting my leg. That's what I thought it was, I wasn't aware it was blood. The surgeon was called in, all while I have 3 nurses pushing on my stomach to get my uterus to contract. This was painful. They explained to me what they wanted to do. They tried to manually remove the placenta, it didn't work. I was bleeding even more. They let me hold my baby for about 30 seconds after she was born, and then wheeled me into the OR. I was going in and out of it so I have flashes of memories. But I do remember them saying they were going to put a balloon in my uterus to put pressure on the bleeding to make it stop, if that doesn't work they were going to coterize the area, and if that didn't work they would have to do a hysterectomy. They asked me to sign a consent form and I remember saying "so I'm not signing for a hysterectomy, just the balloon thing right". In the OR, I remember seeing everyone coming from every direction, being picked by needles all over me and still having these people pushing on my stomach. The next thing I remember is waking up, seeing lots of people around my bed and I thought to myself "why is everyone staring at me" This is when they (nurses & doctors) told me I had a hysterectomy. I remember being upset, it is stilll a blur. At some point my husband, 2 sisters (clearly upset) and a nurse were there too. I was happy to see my family and then when they offered to bring in my baby I can remember feeling the excitement in my face. I barely remember holding her, but I remember the feeling. The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery area, no one around except for a nurse sitting at the foot of my bed. I was so thirsty but all she would give me was a little bit of water that was absorbed by a sponge on a stick. It still hadn't sunk in what had happened. I was in the hospital for 1 week. I had 11 blood transfusions, 5 platelets and a scare from my belly button to my pelvic bone. 30 some staples held me together. The doctors and nurses say there were moments where I made them sweat because I was that close to going to "the other side". My husband thought he was going home as a single father of this newborn baby. My family and his stayed in my hospital room while I was in surgery and held my baby for me. They took lots of pictures but I still missed these moments. I still think about this day many times in a 24 hr period. It is part of me now. Our lives changed that November day. We take pregancy and delivery for granted and don't realize the risks involved. Luckily for most people it turns out well. For us, we are lucky I am alive. It is extremely sad that I cannot have any more kids, as our plan was to have more than one and close together in age. I still have my ovaries so I want to research the idea of surrogacy, although adoption is also a possibility. It is hard to hear about other people getting pregnant and having a second/third child, missing out on the excitement and all that comes with planning for a baby and being pregnant. I will miss the feeling of a baby kicking inside me, and the bond I felt being pregnant. My husband also has to deal with his feelings of almost losing his wife. Our families were also impacted by this. My husband and I are mourning the loss of all of the children we won't have. This is tough to do.
Our baby is almost 6 months old and doing great. I have been able to breast feed which the nurses and docs didn't think would happen due to the trauma to my body.
I have healed physically but emotionally I have not. I cried every day for the first few months, and lately I have been as sad as I was at the beginning. I believe it is because: she is nearing 6 months - the half way mark before I go back to work, she is growing out of her clothes and will be getting real food soon. Alot of changes at once. I can't part with any of her things yet. I feel I'll be losing a part of her. I accidentally left one of her soiled outfits at a restaurant while on a day trip to another city and it broke my heart.
Placenta accreta is horrible. I do not wish it on my worst enemy. Although I was having regular ultrasounds, this was never seen. It was my first and only pregnancy. I was 28 years old, healthy, no scar tissue and no reason to think that this would happen to me, but it did. Can't keep asking why.
There are moments where I am in disbelief that this really happened, that it is all a bad dream. But then I look at my scar and it reminds me that this is for real. I try not to forget any memory from the moment I found out I was pregnant for fear that I will not remember what it is like being pregnant, what a contraction feels, what a baby's kick feels like, even the morning sickness. I would do it all over again if I could. But I cannot.
At night, if she falls asleep in my arms, I never want to let her go. I can still remember how small she was and how she fit in my arms when she was just born. It's horrible to think that I will never experience these moments again. I am greatful that we have her and know that we are fortunate to have at least one child, for there are many couples still trying to do just that. We try to remain positive and reflect on all of the happy times with our baby girl. This makes things better when I am having a bad day. Especially her huge smile which she flashes to everyone. One day we will let her know what happened the day she was born - when she is old enough to understand what happened. She will know that she is so precious to us and our families. For her 1st birthday I plan on having a huge celebration. An angel theme. It will be happy times and sad. It will bring back alot of memories for me and won't be easy but with a birthday to recognize will make it a happier occasion.
For anyone who has been touched by placenta accreta, always think it could be worse.
Hopefully this will help others who have been changed by, but survived, placenta accreta.
My baby is now 10 months old and I can't believe all of this happened 10 months ago. It feels like yesterday. It is still tough. It does help to hear about other stories about placenta accreta - it is so rare that not many people know about it, or what it is like to go through something like this.
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