Why Men Die First...

[ellanoize]

Why men die first is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but now we know...

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist;
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there's never any time for her;
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation;
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism;
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment;
If you keep quiet its male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp;
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist;
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination;
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert;
If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist;
If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain;
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something;
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself;
If you aren't you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired;
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

Men die first because they want to...

[cherrysmum]

or we kill you for being inconsistent

[The Lady Belle]

Men die first because us women want them to. it leaves the golden years peacefully quiet.

Who'd want to listen to a crochetty old fart constantly complaining about how his 'roids hurt or how much his arthritis is aching him today, blah blah blah.

Arsenic and old lacy Im telling ya!

[ellanoize]

You Guys are kinda scaring me... Y'all are joking right...right?

[cherrysmum]

*writing out check to the insurance company* uh oh yeah just kidding..right Belle? *winking*

[ellanoize]

Is there a conspiracy or am I just feeling paranoid... Hey Lefty, Are we gonna be safe over here?

[The Lady Belle]

Mum do ya think I should add another zero to the amount Im insuring him for? *shows her the life insurance policy*

[cherrysis]

Don't worry Rog...they're just playing with you, cause the real reason why men die early is because they have NO SENSE of HUMOR!!! So you're safe and should live a long long time......... [img]wink.gif[/img]

[Lefty]

I'll be allright. Women love me. You want to know something really weird? I used to be nice and considerate to women and they wouldn't give me the time of day. Now I'm sarcastic to the point of being vicious, and treat them as insensitive as I would a man and I suddenly have female friends.

I read that women and men are now dying at virtually the same age. It's because women expose themselves to stressful conditions, bad eating habits, and commuter traffic, more than they did 50 years ago. Long live emancipation! Long live early graves!

[cherrysmum]

of course there are exceptions *aiming weapon at Lefty*