50 Insults from The Lady Belle.

**The Lady Belle** · May 26th, 2004, 03:15 PM

* In your spinal column, all the bone is in a lump at the top - BONE HEAD!
* Your as spinelsss as spaghetti.
* Your so lazy - I bet your feet hurt before you get out of bed.
* Wisdom often comes with age, but with you age came alone.
* You have a chip on your shoulder. I bet it came from the wood above it!
* You have one of those mighty minds - mighty empty.
* Your the worlds greatest proof of reincarnation. Nobody could get that dumb in just one lifetime.
* An intelligent thought dies quickly in your head - it cant stand solitary confinement.
* Your always putting off decisions - Your waiting for a brainy day.
* They're inventing a new kind of coffin that fits right over the head. Its for people like you - Dead from the neck up.
* There's a good reason why you always have that stupid grin on your face - You're stupid!
* You have a one track mind, and the traffic on it is very light.
* Its a waste of time asking you if "You know what?" Of course you dont.
* I cant help feeling sorry for your poor little mind - all alone in that great big head.
* Its stretching the imagination a lot to picture you as the end product of millions of years of evolution.
* Many doctors have examined your head - but they cant find anything.
* An idea recently went through your head. Thats not surprising - theres nothing there to stop it.
* A book has just been written about you - How to Be Happy Through Stupid.
* You can safely go into wild country inhabited by head-hunters. They'd have no interest in yours.
* You must be even smarter than Einstein was. Twelve people were said to have understood hin. You nobody understands.
* Your train of thought is like a string of empties.
* You paid $500 to have your family tree searched, and found that you were the sap.
* Every once in a while you stop to think; then you forget to start again.
* Your not just an ordinary moron - your the morons moron.
* I bet you were born on April second - one day too late.
* Your never too old to learn new ways to be stupid.
* The story of your life could be titled: A Sap's Fables. (Aesop's Fables)
* It would take a surgical operation to get an idea into your head.
* You should exercise your head more - to work off some of the fat between your ears.
* Look, Dr Jekyll, You're getting under my Hyde.
* You've convinced me about reincarnation - now tell me what part of a horse you were in a previous existence.
* I cant blame you for your ancestors, but I sure must blame them for you.
* Whatever is eating you mustbe suffering from indigestion.
* There's nothing the matter with you that a nice, first-class funeral couldnt fix.
* You could make a good living hiring yourself out to scare people with hiccups.
* You impress me as the type of person who always wants to save face, so why dont you stop shooting it off?
* Look, Im not going to engage in a battle of wits with you - I never attack anyone who is unarmed.
* You make me wish I had a lower IQ so I could enjoy your company.
* It isnt simple to figure out what you've got, but whatever it is, take my advice and get rid of it.
* I wouldnt fret so much if I were you - after all, we cant all be mentally sound.
* Why dont you leave here and go to the zoo? You'll be less conspicuous there.
* Its not the ups and downs in life that bother me - its the jerks like you.
* I'll bet you're called a big thinker - by people who lisp.
* You have a fine personality - but not for a human being.
* Listen, baboon, dont accuse me of making a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
* You couldnt even entertain a doubt.
* Why dont you pal around with a half-wit so you can have someone to look up to?
* I'd like to help you out. Just tell me which way you came in.
* We are watching de-evolution in progress here.
* Your wit is as sharp as a butter knife.

**The Lady Belle** · May 27th, 2004, 04:35 AM

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.!

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made. The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills.

**Lefty** · May 28th, 2004, 12:18 PM

Ah, that satisfying scratch in an inappropriate place.

Where the H do you get all this? You must have way too much time on your hands. Go outside. Smell the birds, listen to some flowers! Get re-cquainted with that old friend H. Fever.

**The Lady Belle** · May 29th, 2004, 02:12 AM

Old emails that were sent to me and the Pay Your Bills joke was sent to me by my mother...

**Lefty** · May 29th, 2004, 11:19 AM

Ah, one of those mums, ey? I kniow how that feels.

**The Lady Belle** · May 30th, 2004, 06:53 AM

My mum is cool..and if she doesnt like your attitutde then she sends ya to jail...lol

**Lefty** · June 3rd, 2004, 08:01 PM

She... She has something to do with... *Gulp* The law...?

I just remembered... I have a kettle on and...

*Rapidly removing footsteps*
*Door slamming*
*Car starting*
*Tyres screeching*