How to Dump a Man

[missjo]

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HOW TO DUMP A MAN


Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the
competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified
candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I
will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become
available. So that you may find better success in your future
romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following
reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.


Check those that apply...


___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.


___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I
can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.


___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY
wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!


___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the
truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for
something other than my personality.


___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20
questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about
myself.


___Your constant emailing shows me you have TOO much time on your
hands!


___Your legs are skinnier than mine.


___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be
beaten up repeatedly at recess.


___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from
trying to kiss you.


___You have a hairy back.


___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily
unappealing.


___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an
inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.


___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.


___You still live with your parents.


___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star
Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.


___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to
suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.


___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am
seeking in a long term partner.


___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you
should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches,
please resubmit your application.


___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag
were really necessary for a successful business trip.


___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.



Sincerely,

__________ __________________________________ _


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I'm not Bad
I'm just Drawn that way

[*Goof*]

Rack that!

[BeaverCleaver]

Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.

Hey now!! That takes talent and should prove to you that he has good lungs, therefore, increasing his longevity while tearing that ass up!

Women!! Don't you gals see how hard we are trying? Buwahahahaha!

EDIT- I forgot to RACK it. The guys list for you gals is also pretty tough.

------------------
sweet-pea, kicking her own ass:
quote:
Originally posted by sweet-pea:
APPOLOGIES is the plural form of Apology.
I wasn't trying to spell aplogize...
can you fucking read, or do you need a phonics thread opened.




[This message has been edited by BeaverCleaver (edited October 16, 2001).]

[Li'l Abner Mal]

hell, why do you need a letter to dump a man, missjo?

jist do what you normaly do - roll over and spit 'em out into a cup.

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i aint no crazy hick, im jist a li'l abner mal.

[cashley]

Well someone post the "How to dump a women version" I could go for a good laugh.

------------------
Like P.M.S. always pokin'
But he won't go away with a little Motrin

[JiZZyDaKloWn]

How to dump a woman in three easy steps:
1. Park car on bridge.
2. Open trunk.
3. Throw body in river.

"one two three whee! no more restraining order... just the two of us..."

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don't mind me...