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**Forbidden Passions** · March 15th, 2007, 08:48 PM

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

>> 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

>> 2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY
APPRECIATIVE."

>> 3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

>> 4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

>> 5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

>> 6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

>> 7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

>> 8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

>> 9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

>> 10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

>> 11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

>> 12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

>> HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

> >> 1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

>> 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

>> 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES
ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

>> 4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

>> 5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

>> 6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

>>7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

>> 8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

>> 9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP
CHALLENGED."

>> 10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

>> 11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE