Your jokes here

[cherrysis]

Okay I will start...


On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and with
great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic
husband had settled down on the couch.?
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her,
he
replied, Can't, it's Lent.
In tears, she remarked, well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have
ever
heard!
Who did you lend it to, and for how long?

[img]biggrin.gif[/img]

[Forbidden Passions]

*LMAO*

A man goes to see his psychiatrist saying : "I'm a Tipi, I'm a Wigwam, I'm a Tipi, I' a Wigwam,... "
Says the psychiatrist: "Relax, you are too tense"


Get it??? I love this one, its my all time favorite*LOL

[cherrysis]

hahahaha 2 TENTS Thats great!!!

heres a long one...make sure you pee first!!!WARNING: Do NOT read this on a full bladder!


"WAX is Not your Friend"

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless
removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the
kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few
hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I
headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub
the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press
them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no
fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined
enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into
the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and
place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip
across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo*
and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I
inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I
notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep
breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass
out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK,
back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much
pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The
hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.

CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the
toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt??
Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to
myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I
do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having
them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot
water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold
wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself
to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the
bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how
to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha
are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she
does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is
located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she
suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be
the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a
razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax,
glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky
wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the
lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at
this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids
and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a
hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and
despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have
amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Now thats funny ........ Notttttttttt!!!!

[cherrysis]

Yeah I was laughing so hard...My moma sent it to me this morning and I had never read it b4...
i love the who-ha/hoo-hoo parts!!!

[wildnthewind]

A small Kentucky Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of
gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie
Standen, a large redneck part time intern, who was responsible for
cleaning the animal's cages.

Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Park administrator thought he might have a solution. Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions;

1. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips."
The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.

2. "Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The
park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern
Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed.

4. And last of all Eddie stated; "You've got to give me another week to
come up with the $500.00. [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Forbidden Passions]

OMGG!!! I read this somewhere before but I am peeing my pants again. This is priceless, isn't it? Oh my,...
*LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL*

[Cherry_pez]

LMAO!! Oh crap that was funny. **looking around office** That was hilarious

[Forbidden Passions]

Oh this is one to remember*LMAO

[ellanoize]

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust."
He would have continued but at that moment a little girls voice was heard from the back of the church as she asked quite audibly to her mother, in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

[Forbidden Passions]

*LOL*
It feels good to laugh*s