joke time

[Forbidden Passions]

rotf
ha, I needed a good laugh! Thanks rog

[ellanoize]

Susanne, Ihr L?cheln ist unbezahlbar, Ich hoffe, da? Sie fortfahren, zu l?cheln mein Freund

[Forbidden Passions]

[img]biggrin.gif[/img]

[cherrysis]

Those were Great Rog!!!

[ellanoize]

A young blonde female stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps a MG convertible.

That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored
and she fell in love with it's gorgeous red paint job. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?

At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?" "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."

"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.

"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?" "Simple really, just shit in the carburetor," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Oh, OK... How many times a week do I have to do that?"

[Forbidden Passions]

gotta love those blond jokes, keeping in mind that I was born a blond*lol

[ellanoize]

Me Too! [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

[Forbidden Passions]

*lol

[ellanoize]

Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

[ellanoize]

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the
Line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
You which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
Nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
Beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.< BR>

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
Memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up... Our operators are too
Busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
Down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your
Part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you
Care.

I contacted YOU, so my job is done