star-explosion : eliza lasher-mazon.

[chasing sunday]

<center>
Maybe I'm a baby with a mouth to feed
Maybe I'm a cancer waiting to eat
Maybe I'm a razor on a wrist to bleed
Maybe only water or a bucket of kerosene


It's alright
We are landing this ship soon
It's alright
No more trips around the moon


Momma does the dishes in her wedding ring
Daddy never wishes now for anything
Sister on the corner like a boy's wet dream
A little bit of hell in a bucket of velveteen

--it's alright, angie aparo
</center>

[chasing sunday]

It had been almost three months to the day that she and Ciro married. Christmas seemed like yesterday, even though the swell of spring was slowly spreading over the land. Dandelions and daffodils were popping up everywhere--white clusters of blooms hung lazily from the branches of trees. She could remember a time that winter drug her down, pulled her under in a maddening depression that left destruction in its wake. Ciro had been her heat in the middle of the coldest months. He had been her Christmas cheer when presents and lights were not enough. He was something she'd never let go--come hell or high water.

Eliza was tucked against his side within the mess of tangled sheets, grazing tips of her fingers along the strong line of his jaw while he slept. She often wondered what he dreamed. Yes, she had ways of creeping into his mind while he slept, but for him, she left his dreams to his privacy. She thought of when they first met. Thought of how torn up and tattered, twisted around her world was and how he frightened her to the core simply by the dangerous look that was etched into his muscular physique. It was so humorous now, looking back. It was so funny when she thought of the first car ride with him and his two shadows. How the window pane separated Ciro and herself from the men settled in the front of the car. How unbelievably terrified she was and exactly how she was glued to the door with as much distance between them as possible during almost the whole ride.

But she learned, in time, that he wasn't what he seemed.

She remembered the visits in the cabin, remembered hearing the wild-cat howls within the wooded area surrounding it from late-night cats keeping watch on the dreamer by the simple request of the Jaguar Prince himself. She remembered the first kiss, how it swept her breath away and left her heart drumming out of control within her chest. From then on, it was simple. They were constant. They were inseparable.

She thought of their marriage. She thought of the recent trip to Switzerland and she thought of his family (they came along for the trip). If there was one thing she could change, it would be the fact that they met sooner. That he came tumbling into her world long before the day at the tavern when they first set eyes on each other.

Eliza's life was set. She was happy. And there was nothing in this world that she wouldn't do for the man resting at her side.

[chasing sunday]

<center>You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me?
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love

The space between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The space between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing

We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What a wild-eyed beast you'll be
The space between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

The space between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The space between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart,
Ran like sadness down the window into your room
The space between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need, dear

The space between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The space between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The space between..
[dmb/the space between]</center>

[chasing sunday]

Everything was final.

Everything that had been Ciro and Eliza was no more.

If there were fingers to be searching out which direction to point the blame, no doubt, they should all aim in Eliza's way.

She had expected a war, a nuclear explosion from the jungle cat for the things she'd done, for the things she'd told him. She was surprised when he exited her life just as quietly as he arrived. Nearly without a word.

Not so long after, papers were signed, divorce granted at his request. Could the dream bird blame him for that? No. She wasn't shocked when his two men arrived with them. She asked questions. They gave no answers.

A divorce that went smoothly, but that wasn't to say that hearts were crushed and lives still felt torn to pieces; not only her, but Ciro too. The guilt was the one thing she found most difficult to shed and more than likely, she never would.

Eliza's outings were becoming more rare and she found safety, she found a shoulder for tears in someone she'd never expect. She felt like her life kept repeating itself, instead of progressing forward there were skips in her record that bounced her back in reverse. She wasn't complaining, however.

With this way, she had second chances. She could go back and correct everything that had gone wrong.

[chasing sunday]

"I did really good. I sailed right through Christmas without incident. So strange, that would've been our anniversary, but we're already divorced." The phone seemed glued to the starbird's ear. She roamed through her house that seemed far too empty, even though the three cats were constantly swimming around her feet. "Yeah, I know. My fault. Faults. I have so many. I'm beginning to think there's nothing left in me that's good." Through the telephone lines, through endless miles to a sleepy town where the line ended; a soft voice of a woman who offered words of comfort for Eliza. She asked about the trip.

"Africa? Oh, I didn't want to come back. I felt so in touch with everything. I felt so grounded, so complete--or almost. I still felt something missing. This time it was a lot harder, though. Sicalis is really pushing me lately. Lake Malawi was beautiful. I realized that after I somehow got myself out of drowning." Her smile weakened, and a shiver rocked her. Eliza's number one fear, her largest phobia and she'd pulled through without drowning at all, though the test that had settled on the shoulders of the mage-girl did nothing to soothe her fear. There was laughter through the other end, and Eliza's was close behind. She paced while she talked, pausing near a window to stare out onto the street.

"I'd like to go back, though. And, at least things here are beginning to change.. for the better. Ciro and I are talking again. I think I have a date tonight with him." She paused, listening. "Of course I'm nervous! I always get that nervous, fluttery feeling around him. And I'm sure he knows it. I really messed up. I can't believe he's willing to try this again. Or, I think he is." Her eyes traveled down to a small coffee table, eyeing the card with Cam's phone number. She smiled faintly. "Yes, I'm meeting more people, or well, I suppose you could say I'm being more social with people that I've met before. Going out more, too."

Words streamed from the other end, her brows jumped up in confusion. "Who? Oh, oh. No. That was Desdenova I'd told you about, a long long time ago. He's still around. I saw him last night. He seems so tired, now, compared to when we first met. Or something. He's different, though. I don't know. I missed out on a lot of things with him. Again, another mess up on my part. Have you ever wanted to go back to correct everything wrong you've done, but you're too frightened because you think the people you've hurt are better off without you in the picture? That's.. that's kind of how I'm feeling, with a lot of people, though."

She lifted the card, read it again, set it back down in the exact place it'd been. "I know, I should call you more. And I will, but hey--I need to get going. There's a lot of stuff I've got to do before tonight. I'll call you tomorrow, I promise."

Goodbyes were said. Eliza hung up the phone and tore out into the city not long after. She had shopping to do. She had people to see.

Life was getting back to normal; somewhat.