history of the problematic

[munchausenbyproxy]

Some time later, Vivian's sister stopped by with her daughter Alyssa, who was a year older than Brenna. For reasons unknown, Vivian allowed Alyssa to visit with Brenna, and though she wasn't permitted to leave her room, the cousin was informed that she could stop in for ten minutes. This was the first time Brenna had met other family, and she was eight years old.

When her bedroom door pushed open, she sat up more in bed and blinked; it was rare that Vivian entered without knocking first, because that was polite. However, she was the matriarch, so her position was clearly with the move. It was a subtle message that there should be no questioning of her decisions.

"Brenna, sit up more straight and fix that hair. We have guests," Vivian said, tightly.

"Yes, mama." Already, her hands were moving up to pat at her hair, trying to make herself appear more presentable.

Vivian turned, "Come in, child."

Brenna watched the door with anticipation, eager to see who was visiting. Such a rare occurrence as this must mean someone important was here.

"Brenna, this is your cousin Alyssa. She's the daughter of my step-sister, Megan." She paused. "Well? Aren't you going to say hello?"

"Yes, mama," she smiled. "Hello Alyssa. It's very nice to make your ac-ac..." she was so nervous she had forgotten the proper word to use."

"Forgive her, Alyssa. She means acquaintance. Brenna's not well, and her mind seems to be in a dysfunctional state," Vivian explained.

"Oh, it's no problem Aunt Vivian," the girl said, stepping into the room and looking around. "Hi Brenna! It's good to finally meet you." Alyssa walked to the bed and stared at the girl. Her smile faded and she glanced to her aunt. "I'm sure my mother would like to speak with you Aunt Vivian, so I can sit here with Brenna for a minute if you'd like. She has news, and I don't think she wants me to overhear." Alyssa put on her best smile for her aunt.

"All right, children. I'll be back in ten minutes, so enjoy your visit." The door was closed and the two girls were left alone.

Alyssa stepped closer, "Is it okay if I sit on the bed with you Brenna?"

"Sure," she said, scooting over to make more room. How exciting! She had family, and they were here. Actually here. What a wonderful day this was going to be.

Alyssa sat and looked around the room more, "You have a lot of cool stuff. I like your room."

"Thank you," Brenna stated, as it was expected in order to be respectful. She was in awe of her cousin, who was one of the most beautiful girls in the entire world, as far as Bren was concerned. "You hair is very straight, like your nose. I'm sure your mother is pleased with how you turned out. This is very good."

Alyssa blinked. Her mother had prepared her for this, but Alyssa didn't believe it was as bad as it seemed to be. "Brenna, your hair is nice too. And so is your nose. There's nothing wrong with your nose, in fact."

"Oh, but there is. It isn't perfectly straight, nor is my hair. But it's okay, cousin, mother told me that I was to expect these types compliments. Thank you for giving them." Clearly the other girl was raised properly, like Brenna.

Alyssa noticed the guitar in the room, "That yours?"

"Mm hm," Brenna nodded, still smiling.

"Do you play?"

"Well, only by ear. I can't read music. Mother says I make too many mistakes, so she won't allow me to try anymore." Regardless, Brenna was seemed proud.

Alyssa leaned to grab the guitar, "Will you show me?"

"Oh yes, of course," Brenna said, taking the instrument and setting it over her lap. Her tiny body seemed to go rigid as she tried to take on the proper stance, and concentration drew thick on her forehead. She lifted her chin and straightened her shoulders, and Alyssa prepared herself to hear the most God awful sound ever. Even if it was horrible, the girl decided to tell her cousin how lovely it sounded. She also reminded herself to thank her mother again for...being her mother.

Brenna started strumming while fingers moved gingerly over the strings. The chords were sad sounding to Alyssa, but absolutely beautiful. Quietly, singing accompanied the playing, and Brenna watched her cousins face light up with amazement.

"My hope, my dreams; nothing is as it seems. When there's dark, I find light and I realize everything is all right. Someday I will find, the one who brightens my mind. So I wait, patiently for him to arrive. I promise to strive."

Alyssa nodded her head with the beat of Brenna's strumming, enlightened by the lyrics. Where she assumed they would be sad, they were just the opposite.

"My friend, my life; I promise always to try. I won't leave, I'll believe in what you say. You're my trust, you're my guide; I know with you by my side, I can breathe, I can live and there's no reason to hide. If you go, I'll still be. You've left me with memories. So thank you for this gift, it's most cherished.."

The door swung open so hard, it smacked against the wall and rattled the few pictures that hung; they dropped crooked, looking as ashamed as Brenna right then.

Vivian strode into the room, hands clasped before her as she stared. "Were you given permission to use the instrument, Brenna?"

Megan appeared at the door, looking horrified, "Viv, I'm sure she was only trying to make Alyssa feel welco--"

"I did not ask for your input, sister," she sneered. "And you will call me by my given name." She turned back to look at Brenna. "Now, answer me, girl."

"No, mama. I'm so sorry that I misbehaved," came the quiet response.

"Apology accepted. However, there is punishment to consider."

Megan looked appalled. She motioned for Alyssa to come, but the girl stayed on the bed, shaking her head slightly.

Vivian noted the girl's bold move, and that Brenna had made an impression this fast, angered her. She would teach the girl a lesson. "I will let you decide the consequence. You can either give the instrument to Alyssa, or you can give up the window for a month."

The window? Megan and Alyssa exchanged a glance, both confused by what that meant exactly. Brenna knew what it meant. No looking outside for a month. No watching the other children play and laugh, and no feeling the sun on her face through the window. But to give up the guitar? She loved music, all kinds of music. Melody was the loveliest thing in the entire world.

In her mind, she remembered Alyssa's face when she played, and it was decided that the girl genuinely enjoyed the guitar. Brenna wanted to make her cousin happy, so the guitar was handed over, "Here, you take this. Next time you come, maybe you can play for me," she smiled.

"There will be no next time. My..sister..has decided to move away," Vivian said, smiling. It was almost like the news pleased her.

Alyssa took the guitar and sat for a moment. Her eyes were flooding, and she looked at Brenna apologetically. "Thank you, Brenna." Suddenly, she leaned forward and hugged her cousin tightly. "Someday you'll be free," she whispered. "Don't give up."

Brenna didn't hug her cousin back. She wasn't allowed. But she smiled and waved to her aunt, "It was nice meeting you."

"You too, Brenna," Megan stated, sounding tired. Defeated. "Come on Alyssa, it's time to go."

Alyssa stood up, gave Brenna's hand a squeeze, then went to her mother. Vivian escorted them out after closing and locking the door.

Scooting from the bed, Brenna ran to the window and looked out, waving at Alyssa as she and her mother climbed into their car. When she heard the front door close, she bolted back to bed and pulled the covers up. She was so happy to have met her family, even if it did cost her.

When Vivian was using the belt, one lash for every minute Brenna sang, she thought about her cousin and what she had said about freedom.

She was so happy.

She was.

[munchausenbyproxy]

Gonna get back to basics
Guess I'll start it up again
I'm falling' from the ceiling
You're falling from the sky now and then
Maybe you were shot down in pieces
Maybe I slipped in between
But we were gonna be the wildest people they ever hoped to see
Just you and me

So why'd you come home to this sleepless town?
It's a lifetime commitment
Recovering the satellites
All anybody really wants to know is...
When you gonna come down?

Your mother recognizes all you're desperate displays
And she watches as her babies drift violently away
'Til they see themselves in telescopes
Do you see yourself in me?

We're such crazy babies, little monkey
We're so fucked up, you and me

So why'd you come home to this faithless town?
Where we make a lifetime commitment
To recovering the satellites
And all anybody really wants to know is...
When are you gonna come down?

She sees shooting stars and comet tails
She's got heaven in her eyes
She says I don't need to be an angel
But I'm nothing if I'm not this high
But we only stay in orbit
For a moment of time
And then you're everybody's satellite
I wish that you were mine

So why'd you come home to this angels town?
It's a lifetime decision
Recovering the satellites
Everybody really knows for sure...
That you're gonna come down
That you're gonna come down

...I wish that you were mine.

(counting crows - recovering the satellites)