Fixed and Consequent

[Desdenova]

[A Friend In Marble]
[Written by VktrsCurse, "Patch"]

Although it was not of common knowledge, Patch liked to roam through graveyards and cemetaries. He'd always felt an odd connection to such places, well, perhaps not so odd considering who and what he was. Lumbering between the rows of headstones and about the various mausoleums and crypts, he would invariably take time to admire the craft of the sculptors and masons who left their permanent mark and influence on the various markers and stones. It was during one of these walks that he happened upon a familiar figure.

Up ahead was busy a studious, fastidious fellow, one preoccupied with his examination of a particular crypt. The fellow was neat in his appearance, quiet and somewhat solemn in his demeanor, and always, always unfailingly polite, if somewhat disaffected. At the moment, the fellow's neatly pressed, if somewhat plain clothes, were slightly soiled, what of his activities. The meticulous young man was so caught up in his perusal of the crypt door that he didn't notice the cadaverous colossus quietly ambling up towards him.

"Hello, Des."

The young fellow didn't give a start, even with Patch's hulking form looming over him. The giant's voice, deep and dark as an oceanic trench, held no hint of malice, and Des seemed equally unaffected by that voice as he had been by the giant's stature and sudden appearance. He merely craned his head about, and gave the monster a brief, muted smile, a smile that disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"Hello, Patch. What brings you out to and about this place?"

"I was about to ask the same of you."

The brief smile reappeared, and the young fellow seemed pleased that Patch was interested in what he was about. "I'm cleaning these crypts and the catacombs beneath them. They appear to be of early Christian influence, but I'm not entirely convinced, hence my investigation. I was looking for a way past this door when you happened along. Do you suppose that you could help me with it, while you're here, I mean."

Patch returned Des' smile, albeit his was gruesome as it split his ruined, cadaverous features. "I'd only be too happy. May I?", he asked, stepping around Desdenova and moving towards the crypt door.

"Please do", Des replied with his customary quiet cordiality. He stepped aside and gestured towards the door with a small sweep of one hand.

Whomever had sealed the crypt had been serious about the business of it. The door was of solid stone, and massively heavy. Patch set his hands to either side of the door, and slowly, carefully exerted his strength. This wasn't about the crude, simle application of brute power. The door had to be moved with great care; he knew that Des wouldn't have wanted it damaged in any way. There came a slight grating sound, then a soft whoosh of musty air as the door was hefted away. Holding the door aloft and at arm's length, Patch very carefully set the stone portal to one side of the crypt. Before stepping inside, Des graciously invited him along, and Patch happily accepted. He hung back a bit as Des entered the crypt, and then squeezed through behind him.

Because Patch never used his size and stature to intimidate or bully anyone, most folks simply "forgot" how large he was. In his bare feet, he stood 8' 8". Shod with his heavy boots, he was a shade under 9' even. His shoulders were slightly better than 5' across and were laden with layer after layer of thick, dense thews. While Des could move about fairly easily in the dank, musty catacombs, Patch had to walk stooped over and turned partially to one side. Still, he did not complain. He was happy to get to spend some time with someone that he considered to be a true and valued friend. As they engaged in their subterranean expedition, they exchanged ideas and opinions as to the origins of the graves and places of interment that they encountered.

In one of their explorations, Des cut his hand, and rather seriously. They were forced to temporarily suspend their crypto-archeological pursuits for the time being. While they waited in the hospital waiting room, they continued to talk. Des quite explicitly laid out his plans, intentions and methods, and Patch listened quietly and carefully. After a time, the giant began to draw too much attention. It was not the most comforting sight to see a bipedally ambulatory conglomeration of previously deceased body parts sitting about in a place of healing and medicine. Frankly, he made many of the patients nervous. Excusing himself, Patch made his way back to the cemetary. Once there, he began to work his way through the various systems of tunnels and catacombs, shoring up potential structural hazards and clearing away obstacles and extraneous detritus. Working from memory, he followed Des' proposed course through the subterranean mazes. As he emerged from the last such activity, Des returned from the emergency room, his hand cleaned and neatly bandaged.

The wound neither dampened nor hampered Des' desire to see his studies through. After a time, they came upon a truly spectacular door, a slab of tan basalt. Patch offered to lift the cover away, but Des politely waved him off. There were some very intriguing carvings and figures evinced on the slab, and Des, who was much more familiar with the ways of magic and things magickal than Patch was, decided that prudence was the order of the moment. Patch nodded and quietly deferred to Des' judgment on the matter, and left the basalt slab where it was. If and when Des wanted him to move it, he would.

<font color="#528442" size="1">[ January 14, 2006 08:45 PM: Message edited by: Desdenova ]</font>

[Desdenova]

Journal Entry 78, Eighteen Five

I didn?t get a chance to tell Aurora. Not in words. I kept putting it off. I see her smile and... I want her to smile. I want to make her smile. I had every chance in the world to tell her, every night she came in to work, but I just couldn?t do it. And my luck held for this long. A few weeks. A few dates. Dancing, the movies.

She came over to help with the cemetary, just dropped by, and there I was digging out a crypt into a box screen, to make it worse, all I had on was a pair of grungy overalls and boots, and the straps kept biting into my shoulders so I pushed them off. Which meant my boxers were hanging out and probably my ass.

Bea likes Aurora, and vice versa, and Bea ran to meet Aurora, and I turned around with a skull in my shovel and pleased to have found it intact, and... I wanted to crawl into the tomb with the remains and dirt. So much for the big garden concept, that?s all I could think.

Before I could say anything, Bea squirmed away from Aurora and came running back to me, barking, and... I knew I had maybe ten minutes. Aurora just stared at me. Probably wondering what she?d done to make Bea run away from her like that, why I was standing there like I was.

I didn?t know what to do. I couldn?t tell her to go away. I couldn?t move. I just stared at her. Then I sat down, put the shovel down, I don?t even know if she heard me, but I told her. She didn?t move, didn?t say a word, and all I could see was her shifting around in my aura, and then nothing.

When I came back to myself... She was gone. Just gone. I thought maybe I just imagined it, but I found the tire tracks and her shoe prints. I could smell her, the car...

It hurts. It hurts so much. The mace was nothing to this.

[Desdenova]

79 i don't know

Jessica... She was mad. In her eyes, Aurora watched me go down and then just left me there without knowing if I was okay or not. But... I?d prefer that. I think. I don?t know. It always takes me time to come to myself, I don?t even know Bea?s there.

I can?t even imagine if she?d stayed. I ...I don?t know. I?m sure she would have checked to make sure I was breathing, at least. Or maybe it just scared her that much.

Paige smoothed things over. She really seems to have some faith, at least, in Aurora. I can?t expect that everyone would have. I don?t know. I don?t know i I we Th I I need to wo

[Desdenova]

[Interlude: Nono]

For a moment, the room could have felt warmer.

Granted, the pharmacist was always hot to the touch, just one of many reasons for the family nickname. But the hospital always felt cold to her. She hated it with its bare walls and its empty hallways. The numerous doors you had to go through and the checking and signing in that they did. The nurses didn't care like she did, and the doctors didn't know enough and didn't share enough details.

She wasn't the perfect visitor herself, known too well for barking out orders and growling and hissing at the wards that stopped by with the claims they were only doing their jobs. And then there were the repetitive times she's blown out parts of hospital wings, left more than one night shift nurse in a pool of blood...it was a wonder they allowed her in the hospital at all anymore.

Then again, sometimes when you're tied to underground kingpins, have a heavy last name to drop, and actually did pay for the damages you'd caused, one could see why they did. And in Rhydin it didn't seem so hard to constantly return to the scene of a crime.

But as much as she despised this place, she still knew when she couldn't be the one to tend to him and when Nonno needed outside care. She could tell that he was dropping more weight, but tried to pretend that it was because he wasn't eating anything that she was fixing him. Being pulled out of the ICU would make it easier for her to sneak in the homemade soups, but it still wasn't just the same. Jessica knew that nothing was going to be the same this time.

Tucked away in a single room, a room trying its hardest to make itself seem like a home with its scattered trinkets, flowers from her uncle and half forgotten memories Jessica reminded Nonno of daily, he laid there propped in the bed. Hair was combed, more salt than pepper, and a pair of childlike eyes were looking around in wonderment. The dead weight of his paralyzed right hand was held in a sling across his chest and Jessica tugged on the cuff of his blue paisley pajamas.

Voice was barely at a whisper, soft and not in a tone few would ever hear from her. "...wanted to share the feather with you. And the train he brought all the way from California. He said he would stop by to play for you tonight. I know I don't offer many people to see you, and you understand why. He's not going to say anything about what you used to do. Stop interrupting..." Light banter back to his garbled speech, stuck on the 'd' syllable as he bubbled up in a tongue that Jessica really was the only one to understand after so long. "Now you need to stay awake long enough for him to come by and --"

Odd enough, but her heart sank when the old man burst into a sudden sob. Leaning against the side of the bed, her hands weren't smooth and free of scratches or bruises or broken pieces, but they still slid across his face to brush off his tears. "Look at me. Look into my eyes. Tell me, do you see that I am always by your side? Or has the world got you down on your knees? Come to me. Shhhh."

His left hand's grip was white knuckled on her arm as he latched onto her, overcome with emotion as he released it soon into her shoulder. Both of her arms wrapped around the old man, smoothing his hair as she continued with the same bit that usually calmed him down. "Cuz when you cry, all your tears I will wipe away, and when you laugh, who you think got you that way? And when you dream, when you wake up, is it me you want to see?" Tilting his head back and down to the pillow, she left a kiss across his temple and a finger tip to dot his nose. "Don't you want to be happy?"

Calmed down, Nonno's faint smile matched Jessica's as she looked down to him. "I don't think he'll play her, but maybe when I can get the splint off. Now what do you say when he walks in the door?" Testing for the only word her minor speech therapy had been able to teach.

"Hellllllllllllllllllllllloooooo."

"Perfect."

Desdenova might have never realized just what it meant to her from the offer of him playing for Nonno. But she was sure that the cold hospital room felt warmer when the music started playing.

Oh...

Desdenova knew the hospital. So well. Not that one, but another. He had grown up, practically, within the determined cheer of a childrens specialty ward. It held all of his fears and none of them. It was a strange juxtiposition.

Bea was a service dog, he admitted that without hesitation there. Not a seeing eye dog, but rather, she scented or sensed Desdenovas' seizures before they could happen, and was trained to sit on him until the displacement ended. They couldn't take the Maltese from him, they couldn't protest. More clean than most of the humans entering, in any case, she was.

The youth had changed back into a sober and dark suit. He entered the small room quietly, a flickering warmth of smile given as he offered the pup for the old man to pet. Silky and calm, and trained for just that sort of therapy, Bea was a drop of joy for the stroking.

The violin was old, but nothing special. Desdenovas' ways with it, his movements and care, clearly he had been taught by virtuosos, though he was not one. He played well, seeming to place more of heart than actual skill into the instrument.

And would play for as long as allowed.


[Written in part by JessicaLucino]

[Desdenova]

Journal Entry 80, Eighteen Five

Tyg and Paige were planning a huge ball at Dunns? Palace. I guess he?s a king or something, but he?s nice. He looks human, but he smells like a bear. Like Knight. Paiges? grizzly. He sometimes shuffles by the cemetary and bawls until I bring him out something. At least he?s clean, usually.

...I mean Knight does, Dunn doesn?t.

But it was a surprise party for Ricks birthday. He?s going to be a hundred and five.

I wanted to go, I wanted to take Aurora... I thought about it a lot. Everyone was talking about it. The ladies about what they would wear, teasing Tyg because they thought Dunn might propose to her then, just... well.

i I... I don?t know. i want but I?m afraid im afraid to talk to her So

I don?t even want to go into the observatory. I keep calling in sick. Brent Geemis answered the second time, and I just hung up. But he called back. He asked what was wrong and what can I say? I don?t want to tell them. I said I just wasn?t feeling well. Then Debbi called and said ?baby, just come in?, and I couldn?t. So they sent Theresa, and I just ...cried. She said she knew I would and didn?t mind. I know they?re worried. I just can?t.

I just want to work. I don?t want to feel anymore. It makes me sick. I can?t keep anything down, and then the doctor ordered me on sedatives so I could eat, and that depressed me more. But I?m not throwing everything up. Yay.

Matilde wouldn?t let me stay at work, and the next thing I knew, she?d put me on medical leave. I was so mad. But what could I do? I know she?s right. I just ...told everyone they made me take my vacation. I don?t think Paige bought it, or Matilde called her, she packed me up and took me to the castle to stay.

I slept a lot the first few days. I still look like hell. They took all my suits away. All of my clothes away. I scrounged a Hawaiian shirt and some sweat pants and snuck out anyhow, I don?t know why, Matilde would just send me home. I guess just habit.

But Sin stopped me. ...It was night. I think... Eliza was there, and... She didn?t notice... never does notice... I couldn?t live like that.

Sin hurt, a lot. He wanted me to turn him into a cat. A cougar. For a while. I asked... what was wrong. He and his housemate slash lover, Red, Roja... They fight. I guess Roja?s a vampire hunter and... Well. I guess when they get into fights, it gets really nasty.

Sin wasn?t doing much better than I was, so I brought him back to the Halliburtons, too. We agreed, he?d talk to Roja and I?d talk to Aurora before Sunday.

But I turned him into a cougar anyhow. And whenever he opened his mouth, a water balloon would pop. It was neat. Weird. Well.

All of the pages and squires came back that night, I guess from Paiges Dads. Patch caught a megadalon, and turned the skin into a really big play house. So we all camped out there. We told ghost stories and I fell asleep with Oz and Timmy.

[Desdenova]

[Interlude: Twilight]


The last rays of the sun couldn?t cast her in silhoette. She gleamed, the golden haze intensified rather than to put Aurora into shadow. Quiet, pensive, waiting by the doors to the observatory.

He knew he would see her when he finally went back. There wasn?t any choice. They both worked there. Thankfully, not together. Yet still. It was nearly a physical blow when his head lifted, the mottled blue and green of his eyes catching the light, holding it. Reflex to smile at seeing her remained, slaughtered in the hack of all too fresh memory.

She seemed to fall prey to the same impulse, the impulse to smile at the sight of him, stilled whether by her own memory or his visible flinch, the jerk of his gaze downwards, uncertain. Both.

An errant breeze toyed with the red-gold of her hair, turning the thick waves etheral. It only washed the black of his across his face, rippling curtain he hid as best he could behind.

?I?m sorry. I scared you. That I didn?t tell you,? he finally managed, soft depth of his voice little more than a harsh rasp, measured in the tightness of his chest that didn?t allow more than a few words with each drawn in breath.

For a moment, alert as a doe. He didn?t see that, nor the way her head lowered, her lips pulled into a grimace.

?Aunt Debbi said... you don?t always remember. I... was hoping you wouldn?t. She thought... It would be easier if I just... left.?

?She told you.? Curt, cold, harsh.

?Not before you did,? she whispered, delicate boned hand pulling and toying at the gauzy multicolored long skirt worn. Demure as it was pretty, a tunic of yellow gold silk hung over with a wide and bright macrame belt.

His gaze lifted to regard her through the fall of his hair. So cheerful, such color and light, and he... Was so dark. So much of the night. Weight lifted, but only enough to give him more breath to speak. Pain still pulsed hard against his heart.

?I?m sorry.?

?Don?t be, Des. Please don?t be. It?s not your fault. It?s just how you were born, isn?t it??

The gentle tone held regrets rather than encouragement. Though it was meant to be soothing, the regrets nagged at him. He couldn?t find reason for them.

Poised for too long, tearing apart words that weren?t there, he abruptly stopped himself. Took a tremendous leap of faith, and believed in the words she had spoken.

Slow, but he nodded, his gaze raising once more to peer at her through the fall of black hair. Tenetively hopeful, uncertain and fighting against a dull roar of fear in the spaces of his mind.

?They?ve... never been able to find what it is. Or to really control it. I just live with it.?

?I hope you can forgive me. For leaving like that. I didn?t know what else to do. I called Aunt Debbi, and... Well... I was afraid. I wanted to call an ambulance, to take you inside, or... something, but... Debbi said to just make sure you were breathing and go home.?

?There?s no reason to be sorry. I didn?t tell you. I should have,? he sighed, soft escape of regrets of his own ego.

?Why didn?t you...??

Why didn?t he... Silent again, for a long while. Watching the shadows creep longer, feeling the fading heat dry his throat, his eyes.

?I... I just wanted to be... Normal.?

The admission was hard. Crushing under its own weight. Rooted in place though he wanted to escape, chilled to the bone despite the warmth of twilight. If he looked up, would he see pity...?

Delicate as the touch of a passing milkweed seed across the back of his hand, fingertips. Lethargic, his gaze turned, a dull stare fixed on Auroras hand; as lethargic the stiff flexing to allow her to take his.

After a moment, she ducked down, drawing back her own hair as it belled out to look up into his face. Uncertain before she smiled. Somber and still, he regarded her, a slow and trembling lift of his hand finally resting light as a spiders touch on her cheek. Catching her hand over his, Aurora simply straightened, drawing his hand with her, watching until slowly, a smile began to show at his lips.

It didn?t last. But for a moment, it was there.

[Desdenova]

Journal Entry 81, Eighteen Five

Zeth took me back to Disneyland. To be precise, he took a strike team. Rick, Paige, Tyg, Tess, himself, and a zombie named ?Minion?. And me, though I had told him that I wasn?t welcome back there after everything with the last time I was there with the girls.

I mean, when three seven year old girls and one thirteen year old want OFF the Small World ride, they want OFF of it NOW. It?s not like they didn?t have it fixed in fifteen minutes, and they couldn?t pin a damn thing on me. But they connected us with Matilde, who was chasing all their princesses.

Zeth insisted that I not worry about it. And you know, he?s really about the first person I ever met here. It?s like he?s the first adult friend I?d ever had that wasn?t in some way connected to family and told to keep an eye on me.

I worry anyhow. He?s a garou, and seems to be one of the glasswalkers, which it?s always a good idea to be wary of. Though, he doesn?t seem like he?s willing to do anything for the Ol? Mighteh Dollah. Which is good, that?s a fast track

That wasn?t the problem though. It was technomancers, he said, who had infested Disney and were using it as a base of operations to rule the world or something, and I could have told them that that never works, Mom says that the spirits of the old Dutch and Swedes that first settled there never let their land go, and they can?t stand anything that disturbs their peace.

You?d think Disneyland would disturb them horribly, but then again, they likely see it as peace and order from chaos.

We got in and these... well, they were the Tiki birds. They attacked us. I took one of the heads, I have to figure the best way to use it to horrify Cam with it. Except she doesn?t really like birds all that much, except for Charlie.

Then a lot of princesses -- and Alice! In Wonderland, Alice. I guess I should have seen it coming, but still, it startled me. They gave me a Tommy gun, and I finally gave up aiming. I figured if I ran out of ammunition, which I was afraid of, I could use one of Dads tricks on it. Which I?ve never tried, never had to try, but desperation makes for some powerful magic.

Sleeping Beauty turned into the dragon, I guess it was a Transformer or something. Right under me, practically, some of those stupid cards grabbed me from above, and I really really need to remember not to cast spells that are going to remove the things holding me up.

Well, it was a lot tougher than everything else. I managed to cut into it and cast a feedback loop. It was really cool when it blew. Though I thought Rick was going to beat my ass, he yanked me clean off the dragon and thumped me down out of the line of fire.

As it turned out, the opening doorway for these Nexus Crawler things was right in the middle of the Small World ride. Fitting, yes, I always thought it was a portal to hell.

So while we were trying to figure a way in, the speaker system started up. Blaring ?It?s a Small World?, and something else. It was this screaming hetrodyne in my ears, but apparantly, it had a subliminal coding of ?kill your friends?.

Next thing I know, Paige is all smiles and blasting that huge BAR rifle of hers at everything. Even Rick! She shot him in the ass twice. Tyg heard it, but she didn?t get the coding, she was just totally engrossed in the happy-tra-la part, and skipping about. Paige shot her in the ass, too. I finally managed to dampen the sound, but not before I caught a round through the shoulder.

That hurts. Not as bad as some things, but I could have lived without knowing that. It?s funny, now that I look back on it. There?s been times that I didn?t even realize I was in pain because I?d lived with it for so long, and when they were finally able to right the things causing it, I?d be delirious for sometimes a week.

It was all physical. I?m told that the pain from the Mobius when the muscles flex involuntarily should be at least remarkable, but I don?t notice it, and that any sinus infections I get, or even a stuffed head, should be blinding, and well, I notice it, but it doesn?t usually stop me.

Migraines will stop me, but I don?t know anyone that can shrug those off, really.

Aim at my heart, my emotions, and I?m a wreck. I guess like anyone else. I guess it?s not really all that funny. Just... human. That?s kind of strangely comforting, and it?s terrifying. I don?t want to be hurt like that again.

Anyhow, Rick ...wove the... power the Net Crawlers emitted. It was... incredible. I?ve read about Weavers, but... Wow. It?s said that it?s a lot of power because none of it is truly theirs while all of it is.

Zeth had me jack open a doorway through or from the Nexus, it pulled us in there, and if I?d been more cognizent, I?d probably have been screaming in terror or something. The things in there... Well, Mom said never go without protection, I guess you can?t do much better than a garou and a Weaver.

I?d never done that before, I was just glad that it worked. Desperation is powerful magic, after all. I didn?t have anything to draw a rune into, I had to just ?see? the glyph in the midst of Rick weaving order into chaos, and chaos having a shit fit. I?m really glad I was pretty out of it with all the blood I lost and pain.

It?s the real bitch of studying magical arts. You can?t just sit at home and practice things like that. You have to do it. You have to need it. You only get that one chance, and if you blow it, there?s one less novice mage in the world. I know I have to learn to see those runes and glyphs and sigils before I draw them, without anything to etch them into, and I don?t usually need to.

It?s more useful to learn patience than almost anything else in magic, but I?ve rarely met anyone that had. It?s all Now now now now. Don?t ask, don?t bother to conceal, don?t try finesse, just hammer the problem with the biggest spell you?ve got at hand and forget those things can blow up in your face, body, mind, and soul.

But, it worked. Whatever happened, I passed out after everyone got out. Passed out and seized, at least that I know. Like clockwork. Too much power, too many spells, and I?m down. Blood loss, not always. Sometimes.

It makes me wonder if it?s not physical at all. But even when I didn?t know magic from what?s on the television or movie screen or story book, I had seizures. I was just made this way.

It... doesn?t seem so bad, since... Aurora doesn?t

[Desdenova]

Journal Entry 82, Eighteen Five


Talking to Paige sometimes is like squirming before you can even open your mouth. I know I should have told Aurora everything, but I can?t... I mean, I can?t just meet someone and spill out my life story. It?s too much like bleeding on their shoes.

It?s not... I mean well so I...

I don?t know.

I mean, yes, the first moment I saw Aurora, it... it was ...different. I don?t know why. Maybe it was just that I was startled. That she didn?t open the door and shove her boobs in my face.

Or the sun...

It was streaming all around her... It was so beautiful. She is... She...

It?s... this shining place in my mind. ...My heart, I guess. I... It seems so stupid when I ...But when I look it?s

It?s just... beauty. Beauty. And she... I scared her. But... it was all right. I hope it is. So much, I pray, and... You just don?t get answers to those prayers, you just get the same thing as you get from people. Warm smiles and the sense of ?oh, isn?t he so cute, he?s sopping in puppy love.?

Love... I... don?t know, I... I want but I

It... It?s not the same, I don?t think, it?s not how Mom and Dad are, Paige and Rick, Nathanial and Miyuki, it?s... It?s not that big but it?s so... ...It shines. It?s warm. I

I want... I want to know, but... It?s all subjective, and it?s all just so cute, and... no one has any answers. Not any they can truly give. They can only say for themselves. I know... there?s friendship, and I think we are. Friends.

It?s like we have everything in common, and ...I ...I don?t know. I know my family won?t like her much. She?s perky and blonde and always chipper and bright. If she has a dark side, I can?t find it. Not even a shadow.

...what if they don?t...? Really... don?t? Like... I... but I never even the morons my sisters date I don?t say... I?d never say, him or me. but... If they ...I

It?s so hard. My family is always my family and I don?t care what anyone says, you can?t be a whole without ...without them. Even if you have to make your own family from friends. ...Especially. What they think is... maybe not always what?s best for you, but... it?s what they think. You trust them enough to call them sister, brother, mother, father... you should trust them.

I don?t know. I say it and write it so much. I don?t know. There?s so much I don?t know. So much I?ll never know. I can?t. That... That scares me too. That she?ll ...want... more. More from me, I

I don?t have more.

It feels It feels so... I don?t know, it?s... more than good. It?s... Like when they give you vicodin, kind of. Everything is... just... I can?t even explain it better than that. Vicodin.

That?s enough, isn?t it? It is for me. I... I could watch this sunrise... forever. And be happy. I can. I can

I... don?t know if she can. I told her everything. Everything. ...shewas so... so quiet. I ...felt like I talked for ever. Talked my soul. I... everything. Everything. What I don?t even like to write down.

She was so quiet. So She was... It was like... talking to an image in ... a hologram. Light... I Oh Spirits. Why did this have to happen to me? Any of it. All of it. I

It?s never mattered before! Maybe it still doesn?t. Maybe it?s still okay. She didn?t seem disappointed. Just... She just nodded. I said... It... It could change, because... it could. It just... wasn?t then. What a wonderful thing to say, too. Your company fails to move my I wonderful. ?I can hold you naked and never give offense and... that would probably be... offensive.?

I can?t win.

?Don?t you get it, Des? The bad guy never gets the girl.?

my dad did. My mom... isn?t that good of a girl. Maybe. Maybe.

I want to believe so much that I can?t help but to believe. Like tonight. I lay in bed and stared at the cieling and... I wanted to believe I want to believe and... it hurts. It terrifies.

When I can see her, it?s okay. I believe. I It?s... when I don?t. When I... have time to think. When I ask myself, why would someone so perfect want anything to do with me...

Oh, they tell me... You?re sweet, Des. You?re charming, you?re thoughtful, you?re giving, you?re affectionate, you?re honest, they?ve even said I?m sexy. I can?t argue. But the voice in my head reminds me

You?re disabled. You?re disabled. You can?t even drive a car. Ride a bike. Rollerskate. You?ve never even kissed a girl, and you still don?t want to.

Those things... they... My family, my friends, they say... It doesn?t matter. But it does. Oh, I can always be a brother.

I don?t want to be her brother. I can?t be her lover. I ...I won?t... hold someone in limbo. For nothing. A maybe.

I don?t want to be her brother. I don?t want to stand and watch some other man give her everything I can?t.

I?m afraid... I will have to.

I will have t

[Desdenova]

Journal Entry 83, Eighteen Five

Sin sent me a message. Via Charlie. It made me happy, because, well, it meant he wasn?t going to ask for her back. But on the other hand, it was...

I don?t know. Charlie came back with a letter, and Zip-Lock baggie with an oyster in dirty water. She flew into the house, when usually, she sits on the porch and screels for me even if the doors and windows are open. This time she came right in the kitchen window and screeched. She startled me half to death, too.

The note?s here...

"Dear Des,

Apparently this thing's got my soul. All of it! What if it makes it into a pearl?

I don't know what the crap to do with it. What do mollusks eat?

With love,
Sin."

It startled me worse, as soon as I read the note. I just stared at the oyster for I don?t know how long. I snagged up the largest Tupperware bowl I had, and used it as the basis of a spell. I etched it on the base before turning it and filling it with water. I put the oyster into that.

As far as the oyster is concerned, it was once more in its bed, peacefully sifting seawater for its food.

A soul... in a pearl? That wouldn't be too bad, no. Some believe variations on that already. In the oyster. So I watched it, it opened to begin flushing water through its gills. That was a good sign.

I mean, pearls are irritations covered in secretions from the oyster. Maybe the soul was the irritation.

Once the oyster seemed to be doing better, I went and wrote back.

"-Sin-

I'm not quite sure. It's safe right now. The oyster. If it's made a pearl of your soul, you may have to peel it open. Or perhaps take it as a pearl. Perhaps eat the oyster. I'll have to look it over more. I think you will have to call it back to you and bind it back into you. Don't worry. It is always yours. I have it in sea-water again, it's all right.

I still think you just wanted to see what I'd look like with horn rim glasses and a lightning bolt scar, but I like Charlie very much. Thank you.

-Love,
Desdenova-

I sent Charlie back to Sin with that, and well... It suddenly dawned on me, what I?d done. I put a mans soul into a Tupperware bowl.

I laughed so hard, I thought I was going to faint.

[Desdenova]

[Interlude: twilight]


Twilight shone in golden hues over a sky so blue it seemed polished lapis lazuli. The woods were alive with summer, verdant and vigorous, the river rushed by almost warm from the beat of sun. Fruit ripened, plums on a nearby tree, growing black and bloomed day by day.

Laughter, clear, strange and alien, sounded, and fearlessly, Desdenova turned an easy step from the dirt rode to roll over the old split rail fence. An errant beam of sunshine, Aurora stopped to watch the youth, her hands over her lips as if to stifle peals of bell-like laughter.

?Oh, if you get caught, I?m going to throw you to the wolves!? she threatened, delighted with his audacity.

?There?s no one to catch me, this orchard?s abandoned,? Desdenova retorted, pushing through the branches of one of the trees. Critically picking only two of the plums.

Almost as soon as he had spoken, a shotguns? report sounded over head, along with a gruff womans voice yelling.

?Get outta mah trees, ya punks!?

Startled, Desdenova sprang back over the fence agile as a stag, seizing Auroras? hand on the fly as they fled the scene. Soon enough laughing once more, though Desdenova cast a dark look over his shoulder when finally, they slowed to a walk.

?Well, no one lived there last summer, anyhow.?

?At least it?s not one of the scary people from Wolsons Hole,? Aurora giggled. She crowed, delighted, when Desdenova offered her one of the plums. A shotgun blast wasn?t enough to deter him from a little petty theft, no.

?It might be, sometimes one gets a hankering to not marry a cousin, and moves off to be uppity,? Desdenova offered, amused, watching her as she carefully stepped up the remains of an old, low stone fence, her arms outstretched for balance. He held a hand up to her, and she rested her fingers on his palm so she could eat the plum he?d given her.

She was so lovely. A living angel in a patchwork bright dress, arms held out, golden hair fanning to the fancy of the occassional breeze. Desdenova couldn?t help but stare as they walked, she a foot higher, and more, the wall she walked along was less broken down as they approached the river and bridge.

Aurora peeked down at Desdenova from time to time through the blonde tresses, laughing eyes and shy touches of smiles with a fleeting blush that ran across her cheeks each time she did meet his gaze. Such a somber creature, he was, and so exotic to her eyes.

Not just another goth. His ways were antique and simple, his knowledge was real and not blank repititions. He walked away from the easy path his parents had cut for him. An anomolous and strange young man to a debutante of a small, extremely exclusive private school.

And handsome. In an entirely different manner than she had ever considered. Slender, almost fragile seeming, deceptively powerful. Such pale skin and dark hair and eyes.

Everything about him was different. Fascinating in that. Even the damning bit of silver he wore around his wrist.

?Will Anna be at the bridge? You know, I could send my sorority sisters down this way to pick her up, they would scream hysterically,? Aurora offered from the comfortable silence, a trilling laughter smothered. Desdenova answered that. He laughed so much when he was with her. Real laughter. Not hushed away and concealed.

?She should be, and she would love that, yes.?

Almost as he spoke, Desdenova stumbled over a rut in the road. Aurora was quick to grasp his hand and pull him back to balance. Giggling roguishly, she hopped down, lightly tapping his chest with her fingertips and running for the bridge.

The stupid stare was precious written across Desdenovas? features, but it was gone in an instant, replaced briefly with a flaring of smile. He dashed after the girl, and abruptly ducked with a laughing yelp when Charlie swooped down from the sky like a falling torch right at him.

Turning swiftly, he swatted at the firebirds? flame of tail, calling ?You?re It!? before tearing across the bridge. Squeals of girlish laughter answered him, and both Anna, the ghost, and Aurora ran before him. Charlie warbled, beating air a moment with vaned wings, and promptly dove after the fugitives.

A batter of wing flexed through the dim ectoplasm of Annas? head, and she flailed uselessly at Charlie as the phoenix fluttered away. Drawn, though, by the commotion, Ogopini and Gus came shining through the woods, glowing purple and gold respectively. Anna charged for Gus and tagged the wisp before running away.

Gus wavered, confused seeming, but game, and rushed a slaalam course through the trees after Desdenova, but, when he turned and abruptly yanked Teddy from his dispatch case and flung the baffled bogle into Gus, well, Teddy was now ?It?.

Cussing in outraged goblin, Teddy swarmed after Aurora. The girl screeched merrily as she dodged through the trees, and that brought the little shadow dragon, Flinx, to see what was about. Teddy triumphantly tagged Flinx and fled the scene.

Flinx winged after Charlie, then Ogopini, then Gus, confused as a hound dog in the middle of a rabbit warren, and when he turned his attention to those on the ground, it was worse, they all scattered and rushed through the darkness of the woods. But, it was easier, for Flinx really was little more than a shadow.

Looming from the shadow of the cemetary wall, Flinx reached for Desdenova, and complained in unheard laughter when the youth thrust Bea into his talons. Bea wiggled and yapped gaily, bright as a moondrop, rolling in a tumble with the shadow dragon to the soft forest mould.

Off like a shot, Bea went, to leap into the air and pass through Ogopini as the wisp wondered who was ?It? now. Well, she was.

So the game went, filling the woods with laughter and shining light as the sun set. Movement that was human and fae-like at the same moment disturbed the shadows, glowing light and dimming, an enchanted scene, to be sure.

Gasping and rushing from one of Charlies? passes, Aurora abruptly ran cleanly into Desdenova. His gaze flicked from the flight of the phoenix downwards, instinctively catching arms around Aurora.

She was so close. In his arms. He could only stare, wide set of eyes, lips parted faintly. A rush of scarlet leaping over his skin. Too stunned to even pray it was too dark to see the blush.

Aurora gazed up, shyly, it seemed, and almost nestling closer to him. Pink cheeked with the running, and now, well. She shrugged a bit to his utter still, lowered her eyes and smiled. Finally, she peered up at Desdenova once more.

?Well, if you wanted to dance, you should have said so, silly.?

?...Y-you... ran into me... so... You sh-should have,? he retorted with a soft stuttering, dipping his head quickly, veiling his eyes, as much of his face as he could, with the fall of his hair.

?Okay,? Aurora chirped with a soft laugh, moving back a bit and carefully taking his hand. Desdenova smiled, faint, shy, and simply settled a hand to her hip. Drawing her into a waltz as the last light faded away.