judas.

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"what the fuck were my parents thinking?" smoke spilled from between his lips inbetween his giggles and attempts to suck it back into his lungs. "judas priest. why the fuck would they name me that?!" he rolled over and draped an arm around her waist, murmuring his adoration into her ear. "adaleda," he crooned, fighting back the urge to shotgun her.

"i dunno, man. it was pretty shitty though." her words bled amusement, like her smile bled love. "they probably thought it'd be the greatest band of all time and that they were doing some monumental favor for you."

his fingers tripwalked up her side until they rested on the flat of her stomach. "just wait until i make your last name priest."

she snorted her laughter. "you won't. you say that, but you won't." because he loved his drugs more than he could ever love any woman.

"yes i will, you'll see addy, i'll make you love and marry me." he was right about one thing, he did make her love him. but he ran away for a life lost in the gutter and a constant influx of drugs.

it had been years and years and he was regretting every moment of it.

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it was in the early morning hours that he dragged himself to bed, having spent his night stalking the shadows of the city skyline. when no one else was awake he go and sit on the street corner, smoking a cigarette and watching the heat flood the city streets. he stared at her window for countless hours and like a pervert he watched what little bit of her body he could see through the metal-barred glass.

only lately he'd been seeing something different. he had watched as another figure became present in her window. a man. why was a man with adaleda? his addy didn't date, so why was this guy so different. he stumbled from his perch on the sidewalk when he saw her hobble out on crutches.

"addy!" he called out as he rushed across the street. "fuck wha-what happened to your knee?"

"it's adaleda, and tyrone happened." her lips faded from a smile and flatlined into something less enthusiastic.

"uhm, i was just wondering what you were doing later today?"

"moving my boyfriend's stuff into my apartment." taken aback, it took judas a moment to recover from the initial sting of her words. unintential venom.

"when did you get a boyfriend?"

"awhile back."

"what's his name?"

"landon." she had started to wander off down the street and he stood staring.

"do you you love him?" he yelled down the sidewalk.

"yes!!" she called back, letting her words crawl over her shoulder until they were picked up by the breeze. after that he had no reply, at least not one he would so boldy yell for all to heat. do you love him like you loved me?, he had wanted to ask, but instead stood in silence. he still loved her and she wished he didn't exist.

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they stood outside her house, though she was rarely there. always out with him away from the demons that lurked behind a chipped-paint door. he listened to her as she rambled her love, nervously. how can she love me? he asked himself, blocking out the screams of her father. and while she spoke he couldn't do anything but stare at the slope of her neck and how beautifully it melted into her jaw. she was too wonderful for him. he didn't deserve her. he never could.

"i can't love you." he lied through his teeth and bled remorse for what was going to happen. he questions took a moment to filter through the tangle of brain matter before he could formulate an answer.

"don't ask that, please."

"you owe me that." he could see what he was doing to her. he was watching her heart seperate and threaten to break.

"you're too sweet-" too perfect, "i'd ruin you."

her cries echoed out over the dimly lit street but all judas could do was stare down at the asphalt, trying to peer through cracking concrete and dirt to the hell he would suffer through after death.

"i should go."

"i love--" before she could finish he was pressing his lips to her, cutting her off in a sloppy kiss to keep her from uttering three words that would change who he was.

"don't say that."

"why?"

he reeled back and away from her, swallowed whole by the angry arms of shadow. "because i wouldn't be able to leave you." he was eaten by the mouth of an alley, wandering home to pack his things and disappear from her life for five years. five years of mourning the loss of her, five years of regret. when he finally returned, he had lost her for good to another man who he thought could never possibly love her like he did.