aurora.

[monsterbones]

<center>

facts based on einstein and his followers
this had to work, he was an educated man
all the equations were perfectly
arranged so he could have a front-row seat now

and your conscience is low
and your conscience is

burning a path for us to share
clothes draped on silos near the emperor's gate now

and your conscience is low
and your conscience is low

but he couldn't find another way
he searched for years but yet he couldn't find the answer
a bleeding afterbirth of what was done
still lurked in shadows and appeared in every corner

forward, russia! "twelve" </center>

[monsterbones]

september 2006

"you're out of your mind!" her voice was a cacophony of love and adoration, crooned in a songbird's serenade toward ethan from where he slouched in the passenger seat. her eyes cut to their corners and peeled her gaze from the vast expanse of winding highway in front of them. he had always been so beautiful. she found herself hypnotized by the slope of his nose and the hardline of his jaw. transfixed on the way his lips twitched into a smile at nearly every word that fell from the suicide cliffs of her lips. "god, ethan," words cut off when a sigh caught in the back of her throat and asphyxiated her vocal chords.

"hm?" his eyes rolled to their corners and a twist of his neck and turn of his head was short to follow. his hand was a bear paw compared to hers, easily able to hold both of hers in one of his own. he gently took her hand from where it rested on just over the automatic gear shift, tugging it up to brush a kiss to her knuckles. "you're beautiful."

even after five years of marriage she couldn't stop the way blood rushed to her cheeks at his compliments. "i love you." the blare of horns and screeching tires pulled her attention roadside in time for her to narrowly avoid slamming into the back of a mercedes. "ASSHOLE!" a banshee shriek out a cracked window as she swerved into the far right lane to avoid purposely sideswipe the car. "what a dick!" she felt the gentle squeeze of ethan's hand on her shoulder and relaxed.

"you have such a temper on you, addy," a deep baritone rolled out from the hollows of his chest, followed by rumbling laughter. her watched the way her lips puckered and curled downward into the slightest pout at his tolerant chide. "c'mere," long fingers coiled around the soft curve of her chin, pulling her into a kiss. "i love you, so much adaleda. always remember that, okay?" her lips pressed to his, they seemed to always fit perfectly together; corresponding puzzle pieces.

the trackertrailer had cut across four lanes of traffic on interstate-95 to cut into the lane their pontiac was in. in that moment, their world did not travel beyond the kiss even as the tail end of the eighteen wheeler slammed into the front of their car sending it spinning into two other cars. a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel did nothing to keep it from spinning out of control. "ethan!" fear suffocated her outcry, as the car flipped over and slammed to a stop by a guardrail.

thirty minutes later...

she awoke to a lullaby of sirens, tangled up in a mangled mess of metal. a low groan cut off the guillotine tip of her tongue. it took her a moment to focus on her surroundings, on the lifeless figure beside her. somewhere deep in the depths of her chest, her heartstrings were pulled. she didn't know who he was and she didn't know why she was crying hysterically, but she was. she couldn't remember anything. it was shattered into fragments, pieces of a puzzle she couldn't seem to put back together. her life, as she knew it, was gone.

<font color="#000000 " size="1">[ December 30, 2006 10:21 PM: Message edited by: monster bones ]</font>

[monsterbones]

tangled in bedsheets and blankets, she awoke to the buzz of television static. rory was still asleep, still wrapping her up in strong arms and lulled into dreamland. her voice was a lullaby of sin and sorrow, rolled of a liar's tongue. "rory," a songbird serenade that was barely audible even in the silence of the room. fingers tangled into bubonic black curls, gently tugging at them; reassurance that he was still asleep. "you're so beautiful. not matter how many times it say it, i don't think you'll ever believe me, will you?" her fingers played an etude up his ribcage, a symphony of her adoration for him. "everything about you is so...flawless, but you want to be with me. i don't understand it." words were whispered low in ghost tongues against the curve of his jaw. warm breath licked a trail down his neck and over the jut of his collarbone. beneath her skin, every part of her ached for sleep. tension crept through the tangle of muscle around hollow bones, screaming for rest and relaxation. fingers caught the hemline of his shirt, tugging it down over her thighs. it fit her like a dress, he was so much bigger than she was and she loved it. sutured to him, she found that it was only in his arms she was able to sleep. "mmph, good night, my dearest." a yawn mangled her words in a dead tongue. it was only once she had spilled her heart that she let sleep suffocate her, let her sink into a dreamland of perverse riddles and puzzle piece memories.

[monsterbones]

<center>

what happens when you can't forget
what you can't remember?</center>

[monsterbones]

her hip cocked and slammed into the kitchen counter and she had to do everything in her power not to cry out in pain. teeth sucked in her lower lip to smother a groan of irritation as the man on the other line finally spoke. "well, ma'am, that watch was purchased by a mister ben smith some six years ago," drawled out lazily, obvious that he was preoccupied with something else in the process.

"ben smith? six years ago?" murmured more to herself than the man or the empty apartment.

"yeah, i remember that boy. i always remember my costumers, especially ones that buy really expensive items. college kid, came in and wanted to find somethin' really nice for his girlfriend. i suggested he get a ring, but he said that wasn't for the girl. so he got her that pocket watch." static buzzed through the phone, coupled with the sharp cut of his voice.

"for her birthday?" curiousity got the better of her and she sunk into one of the kitchen table's chairs, propping up her body up with her elbow. "or was it like an anniversary? did he say?" anticipation ached through her voice, eyes wide and jaw slack.

"well, apparently, he had taken her virginity. said she seemed really embarrassed about it and wanted to show her that he loved her. said it was pretty close to their six month anniversary and he knew how she always talked about how beautiful pocket watches were. must've really loved her to buy a four hundred dollar watch." his chuckles bled into a string of coughs, which became muffled when he drew the reciever away from his mouth. aurora sat in silence, looking over the beautiful watch and tracing the intricate designs on its face.

"do you remember the girl's name?" it was a long shot, but she had hope.

"name? uh...somethin' with an a. anne? no..."

"it's alright, you've been so helpful already."

"ada! he called her ada, but i think it was just a nickname."

"thank you, so much."

"why?"

"huh?"

"why do you want to know?"

"i'm just trying to find out who i am. thank you." with no response on the other end she clicked the phone off and replaced it onto the base. in passing through the kitchen she plucked up the pocket watch, setting it onto rory's dresser for safe keeping before she climbed back into bed with him. his murmurs were garbled, questions not recognized by aurora as she sutured herself to his side and zoned off into the comfort of sleep.

<font color="#000000 " size="1">[ January 02, 2007 05:59 AM: Message edited by: monster bones ]</font>

[monsterbones]

she stood on her toes to tack the playboy centerfold to the wall beside the full length mirror. after having discovered the december issue of the magazine beneath rory's bed, she had taken the time to read through it and glance over the pictures. it only aided in helping her own insecurities to flourish. she stood in front of the mirror now, half naked and eyeing herself. fingers hooked on the waistband of the polka dotted boyshorts, tugging it out only to let it slap back against her hips. she teetered forward on her toes, turning to inspect her profile. she sucked in a lungful of air and hollowed her stomach, displaying the sharp cut of her ribcage beneath flesh.

"hm..." a soft sigh cut the silence in her room, while her eyes pingponged between the pinned up playboy centerfold and herself. fingers walked the bridge of her nose, pinching it to try and make its slope not as wide. a flare of her nostrils and twist of a frown had her dropping flat back onto her feet and inspecting herself closer. open palms ran down over the swell of her meager, modest breasts and flat of her stomach. fingers mapped out the flare of her hips and over slender thighs.

another glance toward the centerfold had her frown deepening with the realization that it was women like her that rory may have wanted. women that were nothing like herself. she caught her bottom lip between rows of pearly whites, trying her best to cut a sultry look toward the mirror. she slumped in defeat a moment later, burying her face in her palm and splay of fingers. she could not be that centerfold, she could only be herself; flawed, imperfect.

[monsterbones]

he spoke in bastard tongue, words that cut the silence on a guillotine tip of his tongue. she could feel his fingers creeping up her spine, she could feel him inside. his breath licked at the hollow of her throat, words whispered low crawling beneath her skin. "adaleda..." his words were a razorsharp lullaby against the shell of her ear, promising beautiful things that she would never have. he was feeding her lies and she knew it, but it was one of the things she had loved about him. "i just want to make you happy." and she was happy. her smile was always stretched far, always genuine. her eyes were always wide, always looking toward him. hips lips sutured to the curve of her jaw, distracting her from the steady rocking of his hips up into hers. he was all sharp contours and hardlines of muscle but she was soft curves, she was so delicate. he was always so careful with her.

"you're hurting me," her words were choked out, caught in the hollow space between her cheeks. he slowed down, shifting her back against the steering wheel, horn blaring amongst the lewd slap of sweatslick skin. fingers burning red avenue clawmarks down his chest. her palm pressed flat to the fogged window, helping sunlight to splinter through the newly cleared expanse of glass. she felt him throb, felt him quake beneath her; inside of her.

"adaleda! fuck, addy!" his moan cracked into something louder, something far more raw. her arms coiled in an anaconda wrap around his neck, keeping his body pressed flush to hers despite the rapid rise and fall of their chest in rotating patters. "fuck i love you."

and then the movie stopped playing on closed lids and her veins stopped pumping. no emotion. no connection. she rolled over in the bed, away from rory, wrapping herself up in blankets, longing for lost security. in open palms she buried her face, silent prayers to a god she didn't believe in for the memories to wash away with the ebbing tide. "no more, please, no more," she begged quietly, "i don't know him. i don't want to. let me forget." whispers kept low, muffled by bunched blankets so she wouldn't wake rory. aurora cried and cried for what she couldn't remember and couldn't forget.

<font color="#000000 " size="1">[ January 02, 2007 11:04 AM: Message edited by: monster bones ]</font>

[monsterbones]

she had sent rory on a grocery store mission to find food for her to cook, leaving her with a good amount of time to waste. aurora had dug through the front closet, prying out cameras formerly used to tape pornography. tonight, however, they had a far more innocent job. carefully positioned in the tripod in his bedroom. fingers depressed the play button on the stereo, before she popped back behind the closet door. rod stewart bled from the speakers, preaching about sexiness and want. it was the perfect song for her video strip tease.

strutting out with a little more bounce in her step as she popped back out in front of the camera. fingers looped around the tie, giving it a gentle tug and easing it from the base of her neck. left to dangle loosely down the front of her as slender fingers pinched the buttons and pluck them away one at a time. the white collared shirt was left open to display the modest swell of her chest and the flat of her stomach. Black lacey boyshirts worked just as well as pants.

"roooorrrrrrrrrrryyyyyy," a sing-song croon of his name in the camera, catwalk stalking her way toward it. "i h--" words caught off as she got her feet tangled up in each other and sent her spilling into the tripod and taking the camera down with her in a tangle of limbs and rolling reels of film. fingers fumbled with the camera, turning the camera to point at her face. "AND THAT IS THE END OF THAT. OKAYBYE." the camera cut off, fading into static as she sprawled out on the floor.

"making sexy movies is hard..."

<font color="#000000 " size="1">[ January 02, 2007 06:24 PM: Message edited by: monster bones ]</font>

[monsterbones]

june 2006

adaleda had been standing barefoot in the motel bathroom for forty-seven minutes, staring at the thin strip of plastic with wide, glazed eyes. "fuck..." it was a whine, one that strained her vocal chords and predicted rainy eyes. the butt of her palm melted into her face and a fan of fingers covered her mouth to silence an outcry. the sound of the door shutting outside had tears falling in a rainstorm from her eyes, running avenues of black eyeliner down her cheeks to drip from her jaw.

"addy?" the bellow of baritone radiated from the bedroom and had adaleda sinking to the floor, sinking into herself. "baby?" his knuckles tapped the thin wooden door gently, followed by his ear pressing to its surface. "are you okay?" his hand drifted to the knob, but he waited to open it to hear her answer.

"m'y-yeah," her words were clipped and her voice was strained. he could almost hear her teardrops falling to the cheap linoleum flooring. he gently turned the knob and eased the door open with a shift of his hips as he shuffled into the bathroom to find his heart, his wife crumpled on the floor crying.

"addy, baby, what's wrong?" he dropped down to his knees, wrapping her up in strong arms. "are you alright? what happened?" he searched her face despite her desperate attempts to bury it in his chest.

"ethan, i fucked up. our lives are ruined, i need...i need to go--" her words cut off when she saw him pick of the slender white plastic strip. she saw him eye it then look to her with wide eyes. "i'm pregnant." and it was in that moment that she had never seen her husband more estatic, more elated.

"you just made me the happiest man on the face of the earth."

[monsterbones]

<center>
all my thoughts are all lies
all my bones are so tired</center>